2.50 a gallon Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Buckeye So how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 I've been better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 Worst birthday ever. I spent the night alone in my apartment and drank too much. Saturday, my cousin took me out to dinner, which was nice. Sunday I went to a friend's to watch football. Ended up drinking. I don't have any idea what the hell he was thinking, but he touched me. I was totally shocked. I've known him for almost 20 years. I simply said please don't do that and promptly left. I'm still shocked. I don't know if he was drunk, but he has never done anything like that before. I don't know if I should say anything to him about it or ignore it and chalk it up to too much beer. I have never given anyone any idea that I would be into that, I'm not. I'm not condemning those who are into that, but I am not. So as I said this was the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 WOW! One just never knows! I would say that puts a turd in the punchbowl of that friendship I think you can mark that down as the worst birthday ever, the next ones have to be better I've been meaning to ask, what type of guitar and what kind of music? My dad was a lot like you in that music was one of the passions of his life. He too played guitar, accordian, harmonica and did some singing. He also got into calling square dances, but would rather be one of the couples on the floor. I regret to say that I didn't get that part of his genes. I like all kinds of music, but can go without for months at a time with no loss. Though I did try, I saw how females reacted to guitar players and my dad did try to teach me. I just couldn't get in to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Diogenes Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I know what you mean, when I think of all the times I held my wife close, or even just touched in passing, held hands, it hurts to think that's most likely gone forever. Still, we must soldier on with the hope all this has some sort of meaning. I know I've become a much better man this past four months and continue to evolve, The woman who finally gets me will have lucked out beyond her wildest dreams ;~) Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Joseph, I tried the online dating thing for a few months. I just didn't find any attraction to the ones that were interested in me. 2.50 I play both acoustic & electric. I prefer classic rock. I don't know who my stuff sounds like. Some are acoustic bases and a couple that are more rock. Link to post Share on other sites
Meatballsmom Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 buckeye From a woman's point of view, it sounds as if you have a lot to offer a woman, in many ways. So you were not attracted to the women that you met on the online dating service. Are you going to let it end there and give up? The way I see it is you are not ready yet. And that it OK, Just give it time and some day you will be ready. Also consider this, how do you know that the day after you dropped the online service that someone you would be attracted to got on line for the first time? That maybe in a months time when you do try again, she will have already found somebody else or perhaps, she gave up the day before you finally got back on line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Meatballsmom, I don't feel at this time at least, I have anything to offer. Paying child support and a portion of a wedding expense leaves me very little play money. I agree, I'm not ready for dating and you may be right, by taking my profile down, I may indeed miss "the one". I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Buckeye Yes there are some high maintenance women that date your wallet, but thankfully, the vast majority of them are just looking for a good guy to spend some time with I stole my ex-fiance away from two rich guys. The two of them were in a competition of taking her to the hottest most expensive restaurants in town. She fell in love with me on our first date, which was on a Thursday. On Friday she broke it off with number one and instead of going out with him, took me out for Mexican food. She had a date with #2 on Saturday, he was the son of one of the local political makers, and it was for a fancy, high dollar, money making political ball, with all of the local shaker and bakers, complete with gowns and a limo ride. It was her chance to play Cinderella. Sunday afternoon she called him and let him know he need not contact her again, then we went to the store for hot dogs and buns for our nights meal. All I did was take her fishing. She had never been out in the wild and loved it when I made us a camp fire and cooked some smokey links, thankfully we caught fish, which we ate for supper that night. Edited October 22, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 2.50, I hope, when I am ready, to find someone that isn't too into the material things. Almost 30 years ago, I was employed part time and "stole" my future, now ex wife, from a lawyer in Boston. I could not understand it then. Not sure if I understand it now. The only thing was I was different. Not really a "bad boy" but maybe a bit. I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter now. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 (edited) Buckeye That is one of the keys to attracting women. You don't have to totally wierd, but find a way to stand out in a crowd. I didn't set out to be different, it just sort of happened In high school I was the guy who learned to fast dance In my 20's I upgraded from a straw hat to a leather cowboy hat. All the other dudes had had a special hat band, but, they were always alike, shiny with a little turquoise. Some gal gave me this simple one she braided from leather that had about 8 inches hanging off of the back like a tail. That little tail made a difference, it P.O. ed a lot of the other guys, but women who I had never met kept telling me they liked my hat. With my ex-fiance, I got one shot at her on the day I took her fishing. Mind you, she was not interested in me, she already had two suits that she was interested in, I was quite simply a nice guy who took her fishing. But I did not let that bother me, I acted as if I was a possible candidate. Later when it warmed up we went for a swim, and when I got the chance I boldly kissed her. That totally caught her off guard, and when she asked me why I had done that, I told her I wanted our first kiss to be memorable so we could someday tell our kids, and what is more romantic then standing waist deep in the river under the shade of a beautiful tree. She gave me a stupid look, like you can't be real, and with that I grabbed her and threw in the river, which ended up with us horse playing. Ten minutes later, she was the one kissing me and the romance was on. She liked suits, and had never dated a blue jeans and T-shirt guy. I was different than all of the other guys she had ever met. Playing the guitar and riding a motorcycle makes you different than most of the other guys, use it to your advantage. Edited October 26, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon missing word Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 2.50, The 1st time I met my exw, I had a Bailey "You Roll It" Straw Cowboy hat on. We went horseback riding after lunch. Playing guitar & riding motorcycle is probably more interesting at 25 than 57. As I said earlier, maybe I'm just not ready at this time. I think I need to learn to be comfortable being single again and working on self improvement. There's much to work on. At this age, I'm not sure if I want to deal with trying to impress or win the heart of a lady. I've had my heart broken 3 times over the years by 3 different ladies. I'm not saying none of the blame was on me, but I ended up being the one that got dumped. Maybe it's 3 strikes and you're out. Maybe I will be happier in the long run being on my own and doing what I want, when I want. There's one problem, I do miss the benefits of being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 OK, talk about going backward, I feel as if I'm in junior high school again. My buddy is playing matchmaker. He is trying to get a local lady and me together. He, his wife & I are meeting her & another couple for drinks this evening. He told me there are to be no expectations, but if we hit it off, great. He's been talking to her on FB about me for several days. She sent a "friend request" on FB, and I ok'd it, but have yet to talk to her. I can't believe the weird feeling kind of like the first date nerves. This is the first time I've even considered a possible friendship/relationship in almost 30 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Go buckeye Go!!! Good luck on your date. I am sure it will be weird at first but you will sink right back into it. Best of luck and enjoy yourself, that is key. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucid1 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) Buckeye, I'm in the same fix. 55, divorced a few months after twenty years together, one adopted seven year old son who I am very close to and no contact with the ex except the bare minimum. She's off having the time of her life while I write child support checks and live in a rental. I too feel like I'm at a dead end, too freaking old and devastated to start over. It's all well and good to suggest "hey, just be upbeat and women will flock to you", and it is true, but when you feel like life has taken a huge chunk out of you it's impossible to be upbeat. I also joined an online dating site, had 5-6 dates, and dropped it because it just wasn't fun. I hope it will eventually be fun, but right now it just isn't. I don't have any answer, just to say that I do think the great advice here is worth heeding and that you're not alone. (These guys have done me more good than my $115 an hour therapist!) Time is the only thing that's going to make any difference. I can feel myself having more good days than bad, but it's a long way until the good ones outnumber the bad. I miss my family, my wife, the whole thing. Marriage was the foundation, what we base our entire lives on. Where we live, who we are friends with, how we spend our time and money is determined by our marriage. When that evaporates it leaves a deep chasm under our feet and the feeling of falling is overwhelming. It causes psychological shock just as damaging as any war wound. So remember you've taken a hard, hard hit and to expect pain and bruises. Suffering a death makes us go through the classic stages, denial, grief, all that, ending in acceptance. Divorce offers no such thing. Instead we cycle between grief, love, pain, anger, and the cycles just go on and on until they eventually diminish. Read a lot about divorce, the more you understand what happened the easier it becomes. In the end all I can say is you are not alone, and if you'll hang in there I will too. We do have a lot of years ahead of us to enjoy. Edited October 28, 2011 by Lucid1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diogenes Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I know it sounds like a tired old cliche, but it does get better, then something will come along and kick you in the balls for a couple of days. After a while you see it coming and kick it in the balls first. As a family man who gave his marriage everything, yes it's the hardest thing one can go through, especially if the wife has cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Buckeye Getting dumped on has happened to me many times. In my 20's I had a great sex life, but a horrible love life. By that I mean I dated a lot, but at the same time, I hardly ever met girls that had the possibility of being the mother of my children. And when I did meet them and get a date with them, I would go home from the first date with the high of thinking she could be the one, only to get find out that there would be no second date. It got very frustrating. Then I met the ex fiance, and she could have been the one, the problem was me, I had this black book filled with numbers of friends with benefits. She never caught me cheating, but dumped me for failing to set the date. By the time I was 30, I had given up on finding a Mrs. Gallon, until my Ex came along. And to be honest, I did not fall in love with her until I saw her walking down the aisle. I was over whelmed that this goddess was chosing me to share her life with and to be the father of her children. I did a total change, and went from a player, to a man whose dream was to have a home and kids. We could have family vacations, to Yellowstone, Yosemite, I could teach them to fish, to play baseball, take them trick or treating, etc. I woke up to the fact that this was what I had been searching for for most of my adult life. The dream only lasted six months. I had a whole six months Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 When the Ex and I married, she got a great job offer from a Fortune 500 company, they paid our expenses to move a thousand miles away from out hometown. I had to give up on a union job where I was #3 in seniority, but what the he77, I had a trade and could easily get a new job. The problem was that in my trade, almost all of the good paying job openings were at night. Being a newly wed, the Ex did not want to spend her nights alone, and her job payed about as much as mine would if I took a night job. So I ended up taking a day job that payed less than half of what I could make at night. Also, by moving to new territory, I found myself fighting not one but several OM's, mostly from where she was employed. So shortly after the honeymoon, we began to fight. She was finally making good money, and felt superior because I was making less, food for the OM's to use against me. We had sort of patched things up, when on our six month anniversay I stopped by where she worked with a rose and to have lunch with her. To my surprise, I caught her kissing a pretty boy guard. I made a rather large a nasty scene, called her every name in the book, and let her know it would not be a smart move to come home that night, it ever again. She not having any other place to go went home with the guard OM and my dreams of home and family burst like ballons. That night when we should have been celebrating and making love, I found myself alone and at the bottom of the pit that you too have experienced. But that was not the worst night, as that weekend, our married neighbor, who imagined himself as a possible OM, threw a party for her and her new boy friend, while his wife was out of town. The Ex saw this as a chance to rub dung in my face so was obnoxiously loud. I didn't think the pit could get any deeper. All of my family and support was a thousand miles away, I had no money, I was in my mid 30's and all our friends were her friends from work. I was totally alone, as in a previous post, I was so bummed that I actually wondered whether some time in the future I might do something as simple as laugh again. It was about 3 weeks later, when I saw this pretty face looking down at me in my pit and asking me if I wanted to come out and play. In an instant I was out of the pit and back flying with the eagles. To find that other women found me attractive and wanted to spend time with me, was what got me out of the pit. It was like a light switch, one second I was in total darkness and the next I found myself looking forward towards a new life That is why I am an advocate of getting back into the dating game as soon as possible. It should not be serious, just a female to talk to and have some fun with does wonders for your soul and your manhood. Don't expect anything tonight, just have a good time, and let the idea that other women might be interested in you settle on your soul and start to let the healing begin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Well I had a nice time meeting this lady. We just sat at a bar,(my buddy quietly slipped away) and talked for about 2 1/2 hours. The weirdest thing happened though. My ex showed up with her boyfriend. I ignored them, but on their way out she stopped, touched my arm and said hi. I said hi back and that was it. What are the odds? Oh well no big deal really. The lady that I met and I texted back and forth for a while last night. Interesting. I don't want to rush into anything Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 buckeye: Good for you man. Take things slow and just enjoy interacting with another human being. Weird about your ex showing up. That's awesome for you - you showed her that you are moving on. A big step! Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Buckeye Just be friendly. Get used to the idea that other women might find you interesting. Ask them questions about themselves, what type of movies, food. music do they like. Are they sports fans, and if so what are their favorite teams. Any festivals in your area? Have they attended and which one did they like? It doesn't have to be 100 questions, just show that you are interested in them and their lives. No expectations. She might not be the one, but it is important that you get back into the grove and practise talking to new and possibly available women I like that you Ex spotted you. Trust me, it got to her too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Surfer & 2.50, Definitely will be taking it slow. I haven't even asked for her number yet. Just chat on FB. It was definitely weird having my ex stop to say high. Who knows what she felt. I've seen her with other men so it doesn't bug me now as it first did. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I like that you Ex spotted you. Trust me, it got to her too. You know it. Especially if the woman was more attractive than your ex. Though I suspect she'd eat broken glass before she admitted that it bothered her, I'd lay even money on your ex contacting you in the next week about something, anything. It won't mean anything, it's just the way alot of women (and men too, I suppose) are wired. I think you're doing fine, Buckeye. The worst is over and you're well on the way to making a new life for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Gorilla, Nice to hear from you. Yea, I expected an email by now. She had a look in her eyes I hadn't seen before. Weird. Both she and her boyfriend acted a little strange.They acted uncomfortable but they were the ones to stop to say hello. The lady I was with is attractive and better dressed though a few years older than my ex. I hope you're right about the worst being over. In some ways I think you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Your ex doesn't like the shift of the 'balance of power'. Now that she sees you in a different light, it's like she's got nuthin'. Link to post Share on other sites
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