going out of my mind!

[honey_suckel]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and we've been on pretty shaky grounds lately.

 

It started about a year and a half ago when I caught him talking dirty to an ex girlfriend on the computer. He told me it was just for amusement but I don't believe that.

 

So he no longer talks to her, which was my only stipulation if we were to stay together, and not to talk to anyone else in that manner.

 

A few days after that he was of course into the porn. I didnt say anything at first, but then it got really bad. Going to hundreds of different sites staying up all night long, so I told him I didnt like it and he said he would stop, which I believe he has.

 

And now he is on a hip hop forum and I told him I didnt care if he chatted just as long as he respected me while doing so. I asked him if there were anything on the forum that I wouldn't like, ex. sex forums, and he said no.

 

Well a couple days after that I was on the forum and there is a sex a love forum, it was highlighted so I knew he was on there. Everything about sex is on this forum they talk about anything.

 

So now Im trying so hard to believe that he will not do anything wrong, but it's hard. I mean if he's sitting here all alone and some chick pops up with an instant message I don't know what he would do.

 

I think that if he is exposing himself to this kind of talk everyday something is going to pull him in deeper. Anyways that is my novel, and every piece of advice would be great.

[MrsSandman]

i see nothing wrong with ur guy seeing porn as long as he doesn't do it with another girl or blows u off for it which he already has done.since thats the case don't just tell him to stop...tell him WHY IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH.if u just tell him to stop he's just gonna be like "ok whatever"

[lohrewok]

You sound a bit controlling/insecure. He sounds like he cannot be trusted. 2 different problems you have there.

 

Personally, I would dump a guy like this. You are only in for more heartache. Liars don't stop.

[honey_suckel]

I am really insecure and thats why he promised me that he wouldnt visit sites like that. I am trying to overcome anerixia and its really hard when he does stuff like that and he knows that its just that much harder. And thats why he said he didnt need to go to sites like that. And just because of what happened with him an his ex its hard for me to try and forget that and believe that he isnt doing anything wrong

[lohrewok]

Staying up all night long and going to hundreds of porn sights sounds like an addiction to me. If he continues after he promised to stop then how can you count on his word at all?

 

As for cybering with an ex 6 months into your relationship....that is IMO cheating. How do you know this kind of thing is no longer continuing? Sounds like security is what you need right now and you are not getting that from him.

 

I am a huge believer in watching peoples ACTIONS. People can and do say anything to look good. It is what he does that speak volumes about his intregity as a man. You deserve the kind of guy that will respect you and love you. Obviously that guy will not be addicted to porn. In future relationships make it very clear up front how you feel about porn. And also try to relax about it also, because most men enjoy porn...and even some women too. Try to loosen up about it. There is a difference between an XXX movie or magazine once or twice a month. When it goes on for hours every day...that is a problem. But most of all lying about it. Like I said before, liars never change.

 

One thing you will find as you get older. Life is not as black and white as it seems. The more shades of grey you see the more open and accepting you become. Try not to be so judgemental/rigid Don't know if that is exactly the word I want but do you know what I mean?