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It's a difficult night...


Kageytn

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My son's birthday is this week and Ive been thinking of my late husband. Then I saw Facebook photos of my brother in law with his wife and child and I felt so lonely. I used to have that happiness. Now it's just me and the kids.

 

I contacted the ex and it wasn't bad. It was awkward and, it is obvious to me, that it's over. He wants me in his life. He's sad we haven't been talking. He's willing to help me however I need help. I finally told him I was really struggling with wanting him in my life at all and I would talk to him later this week.

 

I'm so mad I wasted my thirties on him and this cesspool of a relationship. I could be with a supportive, loving partner joyously celebrating my childs birthday. Instead, I'm sitting on the couch trying to hide my tears from the kids and grieving my husband and lost opportunities.

 

My therapist is on vacation and my anxiety is spiking. Writing this post and acknowledging my feelings has helped.

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theres never an amount of time to stop grieving a loved one who passed away. i still grieve my bestfriends death and i think i will for the rest of my life you just have to learn how to live with it which i think you already know how. and dont worry about missed opportunities! if you feel like you have less of it then go make more opportunites for yourself.

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