Something's not right

[HLP234]

Hi all,

 

Been going through a lot lately with my girlfriend and family problems. I have parents that are old culture and western culture to be specific. My girfriend is American. My parents do not approve of her only because of how she acted with them and me before they met her. And yet they still have not met her and refuse to. Basically my mother has gone through a divorce and I was put in the middle being the oldest son. She had nowhere else to go but to show up in my area of the town and I had to do everything for her since she's never had to do it all herself. My girlfriend also has had it pretty rough being in an accident that really injured her and all. But before my mom even got to meet her(still has not), my girlfriend started being very selfish and said things such as I'm ditching her for my mom and the kids, that I don't care about her..its not true and she knows this.

 

Basically we had plans one night and they didn't work out because of my mom and at the time my mom was with me and she heard my gf on the phone tell me to forget it and to come get my stuff because I could not follow through with my plans. My gf also has written some things to my father since she read an email he sent me regarding how upset he was with me getting engaged to her. So the responses to this were seen as disrespectful to my parents. My mom till this day does not want to see or meet her because of how she acted and how we fought when she arrived.

 

Every little thing starts a fight with my gf everytime I have to do something for mother. Its always how I just drop her and go help my mom. But that is not true. I take my gf everywhere she needs to go, even do stuff for her family sometimes. In fact I spend a lot of time with my gf.. pretty much every weekend and during the week.

 

My mother says I care more for my gf and her family than I do for my own. She says I'm horrible and she is ashamed of me and that she did not raise me to dissapoint her like this. She says my gf is controlling and manipulative and that I am love blind. She tells me that if my gf would have been more understanding in the begining and not taken the actions she took then she would have gotten a better impression. Also, she did not finish college so that is something she picks on a lot about too.

 

Recently every little action that I have to do for my mom and kids now nds up with my gf fighting with me and her telling me that she is packing her stuff and leaving. Until I actually say ok then she gets mad and upset and wants to stay.

 

I just had a huge fight with my mother today and I left crying about how she made me feel. I was made to feel like I don't care for her and my brother and sister and that I spend all my time with my gf and taking care of her. She wants me to distance myself from my gf and eventually not be with her.

 

But I can not do that. I love my gf so much, for reasons my parents will never understand. She says what is there to love when you are lying to yourself. I don't feel like I am but she does not get it. I can't get them to get along. My gf eventually wanted to meet my mother and brother/sis but my mom is refusing and says she will say horrible things to her if they meet. So after I left my mom's house miserable in tears I do not know how to handle this. My mom called once I got home to make sure I was ok and invited me to come spend more time with her and the kids and have dinner tomm. But I know my gf will want to see me because today she stormed out of my apartment because I wanted to go see my mother. I want to see her too and spend time with her but I don't see how this will work.

 

I can not be made to unlike someone just because the parent sees it not right. I told my mother this and she said she can make me do this because she is my parent and she raised me. I'm old enough to know what I feel even though she will never understand. I can't leave this girl, its not because I feel sorry but its because I have grown so close to her. Maybe because we spent so much time together. I would love some advice, anything at all as I feel my world is gonna go to ruins.

[HLP234]

I know its really long and all but I hate feeling like this. I dunno how to act around my gf after this episode. Has anyone ever been in such a situation?