wilsonx Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 What a manipulative bitch. I cant let this go, its been bothering me for almost a week now. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300198/ I want to know why she did this. Its that need to know thats driving me to want to ask The only thing that has kept me from responding are 2 of the girls that I work with. Nothing else, they both tell me shes a psychotic bitch to do this and I deserve so much better. They both said, you want to get revenge on her, dont talk to her anymore. Don't show her any attention. That will hurt her more then any mean thing I have to say. I actually cried again this Saturday and Sunday because of it. Its so ****ing stupid. /roar roar roar roar roar roar roar That bitch. I was doing so well and I still am Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 The only thing that has kept me from responding are 2 of the girls that I work with. Nothing else, they both tell me shes a psychotic bitch to do this and I deserve so much better. They both said, you want to get revenge on her, dont talk to her anymore. Don't show her any attention. That will hurt her more then any mean thing I have to say. And what is the old saying? "the best revenge is living well"? Try that too! Link to post Share on other sites
JRock8732 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I'm gonna warn you now, DON'T BREAK THE NC. I recently broke NC w my ex for 9 months. Couldn't even go for a day with me or her saying some slick remark. She's pregnant and has a bf and tries to show off about that lol. It's just not worth it, those feelings will come back to you like a brick if you break it. Your co-workers are half- right, it's the right thing to do. And even if you don't get her attention, you won't have to deal w her **** again and even find someone else, so its a win/win situation. But you shouldn't look at it as a way to get back at her, but look at it as a way to heal and protect yourself. Find something to occupy your time. After about a month or so it really starts to die down because you get used to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
JRock8732 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 And what is the old saying? "the best revenge is living well"? Try that too! I just heard that on TV and I was trying to remember how the quote. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 wilsonx, i think your girls are right. given that this is what she is and this is the reaction she is looking for, why give it to her? and, what would advice would you give someone else in this exact situation? i think we know the answer. you are way too good to give her what she may be looking for. fight it hard and let her suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Im coming up 4 months NC.... I walked away cleanly when I got her name taken off the lease Its like a drug... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 My first boss once told me, sometimes the best way to annoy someone is to not get annoyed. Take a step back from this and see how it's essentially meaningless. Some bird who you deigned to give some of your time and energy to is now acting up. It's understandable - she's not getting your time and energy any more, is she? Anyone would be lucky to get some of your time and energy, right? She was. But she hurt you deep and now you dislike her, so it's natural that you aren't given her your time and energy. She played a right trick on you there and it shows just how pointless any relationship with her is. Your life journey continues. She's a minor inconvenience in the big scheme. Link to post Share on other sites
ken_25 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 As hard as it probably will be, you should just let this go. She has some problems, we've established that.. Don't let her screw your head up again, you don't deserve more of her bull****. It's over, whatever stupid, crazy, ridiculous, psycho crap she pulls... ignore her. I suggest hitting the gym hard, go for a run, hit the punching bag... you'll feel better. Keep up NC. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Wilson, you're someone on here who many, myself included, have relied on for such great advice. You always seem to know what to say and can judge people so well. So in some ways although how you're feeling is quite sad, it's also kinda' comforting to know that despite your responses to others, you are too going through this same sh*t as the rest of us. I guess it makes your advice all the more important as we know its from someone who understands. You already know what to do but I reckon you just need that confirmation from all of us that you're doing the right thing, and that is to stay NC. What your ex has recently done I wouldn't consider a breadcrumb, more an outright attempt to get your attention in the lowest way possible. Surely that says more about her character than anything. You're so right that this is like a drug - I often feel like I'm trying to get off an addition, where the occasional contact of bit of news about my ex is that little hit I need to get me through the day, yet it always comes with a down side - that low feeling you get after the high. No response is the best thing to do here - she's playing games with you and you're better than that. Stay strong as many of us rely on your words. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Wow she is really desperate for your attention isn't she?! I mean If you broke NC when she was seeing get bf months ago, do you think she would've replied? Probably not. It amazes me that both if my exes called me crazy when all I wanted was to know why I was being dumped out if the blue. And the other when my other ex broke NC to feed me breadcrumbs and only more lies. Can you do me a favor and send the REAL crazies to my exes, so they know what a REAL crazy actually does? Coz I would never do anything like that ever! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Do not break it Wilson !! you seem like such a smart guy and she sounds like a nutcase. If you ignore her it will drive her crazy.Post what you want to tell her here instead.Believe me , you will feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 yup even the wise ones succumb to temptation of the clown every now and then. A man found himself in the middle of a long hallway. In the middle of this long hallway was a solitary door. He walked up to the door and knocked on it. It was answered by a clown who proceeded to beat the life out of him. The next day, the gentleman was in the hallway once more, and once more found his way to the door and knocked on it. Again, it was answered by the same clown and again, the clown beat him senseless. This occurred for 4 more days - the man would be in the hallway, go to the door, knock on it, and the clown would answer the door only to beat him senseless once more. On the 7th day, the man was once again in the hallway. He walked up to the door and knocked on it - but no one answered. So, he went looking for the clown. Well the girls I work with are just as mentally screwed up as my ex, where do you think I met my ex from. I am doing my best to let it go, trust me, she hit that button. I pay attention to my environment. My boss, same type of personality, cheats on her boyfriend all the time with coworkers and she has a kid with him. I just /facepalm myself. Thats positive reinforcement enough to not ever want to go back to her Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Hmm, no sooner have you felt set back then I go and screw up and feel the same way. I guess you can take some comfort in that yours was out of your control. I made the choice to cause myself more pain... It's clear you know you'll never get back with this girl, but I know how confusing and tempting that little voice in the back of the head can be. Just keep posting your very valued advice as there's many people on here that really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 She wants a reaction, ANY reaction. These types of people thrive on drama and heaps of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Wilson, Smudge is right, MANY people do value your opinion highly, myself included. I'd say sugarkane is right also, but it could also just be her keeping an eye on your doings- like it's any of her business now. God forbid u should have the chance to move on happily with someone else..... Betterdeal's quote says it all. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 i'll chime in here as well. you're co-workers are right - - you do deserve better. this ex of yours is just trying to bait you into giving her the attention she's probably not getting anymore from guy she left you for. so she's decided to make your life miserable for her poor decisions by pulling a stunt like this. no need to pump her ego by responding to such childish antics. show her your time and dignity are more valuable than feeding into her ploys and keep silent. you said so yourself - - you're doing great. so just keep at it! Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I should keep out of this one ! This is your creation as well !!! In your heart of hearts what do you want ? This non-confrontational game ! I say game on ! A good fight ! All the Kings horses and All the Kings men ! Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Wilson, you're someone on here who many, myself included, have relied on for such great advice. You always seem to know what to say and can judge people so well. So in some ways although how you're feeling is quite sad, it's also kinda' comforting to know that despite your responses to others, you are too going through this same sh*t as the rest of us. I guess it makes your advice all the more important as we know its from someone who understands. NO TRUER words have EVER been said..!!!!!!! Wilsonx has saved me MANY a times....!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Don't contact her Wilson! I am so freakin' proud of you. I read your posts and I look up to you and say (audibly), "I wish I had that clarity". You have all the facts that you need, and you know it. How come the "why" bothers you? Are you wondering if she is remorseful? What if she misses you, would you take her back? If the answer is HELL NO, then "why" doesn't matter. There is nothing good for you in communicating with her. It won't ease your pain, and you actually risk backsliding. So, you cried this weekend. That really sucks, but that is minimal to what will happen if you open the lines of communication with her. Do not subject yourself to that. Do not give her any power whatsoever. Keep.moving.forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I appreciate the support here from everyone on the forum Right now, all the anger and hurt is internalized at myself. You know my ex was pretty much the worst of the worst but I enabled it. I allowed it to continue for 18+ months. Honestly that relationship should have been over at the 1 month mark but I did not want to lose the friendship, but it is what it is and we move forward. She was crazy and lied all the time during the relationship, but never in our friendship for the 2 years previous to it. Thats what I did not understand. I can't blame her anymore, I am at the stage where I blame myself for allowing and enabling the behavior to continue. Now that I have ended contact and stop being an enabler, look what she does? 2 attempts to contact me in one day, both ridiculous. That stalking email made that hurt and anger at myself about 10xs worse. I did not backslide to the beginning, I am still in the same place, it just cut that would wide open again. I for one am moving forward. You know I have a lot more friends now then when I was in a relationship. I am more active, swim and run almost every day. Play sports again. Studying to better myself. One day at a time Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 If you could describe it in one sentence, what was it that you disliked about her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 If you could describe it in one sentence, what was it that you disliked about her? This isn't about my ex, I made this thread about my personal struggle with myself. We can preach NC to everyone on the board but I asked her 4 months ago to let me go and give me my space. Everyone is telling me to keep NC, people here, my friends, and even I know this but I don't know why I have this drive to respond. Its ****ing retarded. I'm trying to talk it out to myself to a few friends and its not working. I still have this masochistic drive to respond knowing nothing is going to change. Maybe it was the toxicity of the relationship. I don't know but it sucks and it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Few things are more unnerving than loving someone who will never have the capacity to love you back. Someone that you considered a friend first, and then a lover. Someone that you trusted to never do you wrong. Now it's "how the f*ck did this happen... how the f*ck did this happen to ME?!" You want to contact her because you're still processing and moving on from the break up. Now, she throws this wrench in the mix. She's disrespected your wishes to be left alone. That would throw anyone into mental overload. You're trying to ferret out a way to gain pleasure in responding to her. That pleasure, even if small, would feel a hell of a lot better than the anger that you're beating yourself up with. And it really might, but it would be momentary and you'd feel even worse afterward. It would devalue the progress you've made over the past 4 months. Also, there is some sick emotion tied to toxic relationships. People live off the highs and lows until the whole relationship crashes and burns. Sometimes its one person slinging the bullsh*t and the other trying to deal, and sometimes it's both people dishing it out. My parents relationship was/is like this. From counseling I've learned that I perceive staying in the bad relationship as love and devotion. Who would stay in such a bad relationship except someone that truly was in love (right)? Sick validation. I'm not saying this is your situation, just pointing out that toxic relationships have a emotional pull like no other. For some reason, yours is still pulling you. You loved her, that's not easy to let go. Even when every ounce of your being wants to forget her. She doesn't have the answers though, and she never will. She has nothing that can undo what has been done, and nothing that can help you with your struggles. She has nothing. She is nothing. Be better than that. Be strong. Up your exercise routine and go kick/punch some things Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 This isn't about my ex, I made this thread about my personal struggle with myself. We can preach NC to everyone on the board but I asked her 4 months ago to let me go and give me my space. Everyone is telling me to keep NC, people here, my friends, and even I know this but I don't know why I have this drive to respond. Its ****ing retarded. I'm trying to talk it out to myself to a few friends and its not working. I still have this masochistic drive to respond knowing nothing is going to change. Maybe it was the toxicity of the relationship. I don't know but it sucks and it hurts. My question wasn't about your ex, but about your dislike (of her). I know what you're going through; it's infuriating, insulting, humiliating and it sucks the fat one. Your abuser is continuing to abuse you. You can't lash out, as is often our first response when someone maliciously hurts us, and that's turning the anger inwards, so you gotta find a different response. Seems very childish, what's she's doing, doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 My question wasn't about your ex, but about your dislike (of her). I know what you're going through; it's infuriating, insulting, humiliating and it sucks the fat one. Your abuser is continuing to abuse you. You can't lash out, as is often our first response when someone maliciously hurts us, and that's turning the anger inwards, so you gotta find a different response. Seems very childish, what's she's doing, doesn't it? It is childish and 3 weeks later, I am still struggling with this. Keeping NC. This one ****ing email has sent me on the most epic backslide of my life. I do not know why I still want to respond back to it. I honestly was in a bar parking lot still hurting Wed night next to my car because it screwed me up this bad and I am doing everything possible to just let it go but its not going anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
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