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Don't know where I stand....


Little-one

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Hi Guys,

 

After reading lots of great advice from folk on here I decided to join, so hello :)

 

My story is that I've been dating a guy since June - both of us were just out of long term relationships, so I suppose we were each others rebound and from there it just naturally progressed to dating. It's been quite casual and I'm really in to him and we were both in the same boat with not being ready for another relationship yet, so everything was pretty steady. We're able to talk openly to one another, I'm so comfortable around him and within the last month he has been so supportive of me as my gran passed away and it's been great having him around.

 

Now, the problem. He went away on work for 2 weeks, and came back last week. He was gutted before he went that in the 2 weeks he was away he couldn't be there to support me at my gran's funeral, be there to celebrate my birthday or be my moral support for when my dad got re-married.

 

So he goes away for work, it's really intense so I don't expect to hear from him much although he phones me on the first night to tell me how amazing it is and sends me a few messages the next few nights although I start to notice that he's drifting and even though he's still talking he doesn't seem to be all there - if that make sense. I had a gut feeling something was wrong but put it down to the work.

 

So he comes back, says he can't wait to see me and he wants kisses and cuddles and to just cuddle up together. We make 2 arrangements to meet, each fall through and I feel I'm texting him and even though I'm getting a reply, it's just a reply. He eventually tells me that his ex has got back in touch and he's sorry for being so distance since he got back but he's just got a lot on his mind, that's fine. That explains something. She's blaming him for the breakup even though she cheated and moved out with no warning. He's hurt by this. I say I'm there if he needs me. Not much else is said. Chat continues to be pretty basic, I'm now freaking out. This guy I thought I was dating appears to have no interest, he's stressed at work, his ex is giving him grief and I don't seem to be getting much in the way of explanation. So I end up phoning him and ask him what's going. He explains in more details about his ex, said he felt guilty about seeing me while she was swimming about his head (although he did assure me he's not taking her back, think he's hurt because he's trying to maintain a friendship which I don't have a problem with). But, then he tells me he drunkenly kissed someone while away and the more I think about it the more gutted I am but we're not committed so I could go do the same, I guess the difference is I wouldn't. So he apologises for being distance he didn't want to burden me with all his stuff when I've just started back uni and he doesn't want to stress me out - ultimately, he did just that by not speaking to me.

 

So I ask him ''are we dating?'', he says ''I don't know what we are'' adding that he still wants to see me but the decision is mine based on what he's just told me. I want to see him too and with any luck our arranged plans won't fall through. I think if they do, I need to take a step back but if we do meet I need to speak to him about this but have no idea what to say!

 

Neither of us need the stress of a relationship right now but everything was so comfortable before he went away and what is so infuriating is he said ''I was so comfortable with everything before I went, even how serious things were getting. It wasn't freaking me out, I wasn't bothered but then I went away and my ex was giving me grief and I kissed someone else and it just made me think a lot about it''.

 

I'm filled with anxiety, my head is going mental and I'm being as patient as I can be and not doing crazy texting/phonecalls - learned that lesson before! I trust him to be honest with me so I would think he would tell me outright if he didn't want to see me altogether but how do I approach this, what do I say?!

 

So sorry, it's so long. I needed to get that out! :)

Edited by Little-one
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