HeavenOrHell Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Just because you seem a bit calmer, but were in bits yesterday or the day before, I was worried it might be because he's been loving towards you and it gave you a glimmer of hope Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'd be lying if I said part of me isn't hoping he will want to try again... But it seems so far that is not going to happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Just want you to be ok, and not do what I did with my ex and keep hoping It's early days though, so I think you're bound to hope for that, as you still love him. I should have gone NC much earlier than I did, but maybe you two need to communicate for a bit. I'd be lying if I said part of me isn't hoping he will want to try again... But it seems so far that is not going to happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 thanks heavenor hell. i didnt not reply to his last email. i didnt reply becuase i think it mentally gives me the strenght to continue no contact because i am the one that chose not to reply to his last email .i know that might sound silly and childish but every one has their own methods. i still hope he is thinking of me and wondering if he is making the right decision. of course i want him to want me back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I woke up to this email this morning. I don't know what to say anymore. I think about you all the time, about us all the time. I keep listening to that song(he sent me a van Morrison song-“reminds me of you” )all the time... "I miss you so much, I can't stand it. Seems like my heart - is breaking in two..." It is basically on repeat here in my office. It's so sad, but right now all I want to do is think about you. I have read your email below countless times.(email I sent Sunday night saying I loved him etc- but i had sent what little tiger told me to write since that email i sent sunday) It really is beautiful in places. I have no idea if this is the right thing for us, or if I will regret if forever. All I know is that I felt that things couldn't go on as they were... it is not that my love for you is gone. It isn't. It is as strong as ever. But I'm not willing to let you risk everything to come here and live in fear of letting you down. You are wrong about a lot of things in your email. I am just not interested in being with anyone else. I have not had what I would call a real relationship since Joanna(his ex-they broke up in 2008). Not until now. I avoided them, they avoided me. Whatever.... this is the first time I have ever felt, this could be it. Your stuff about Tony and the Row(his best friend in states-total party man and ladies man) was wrong and faintly insulting.(i was saying he will have no problem getting over me cause he will hav Tony to go out party and score girls with) I have no interest in partying. On the Row(bar club area) or anywhere else. I was actually supposed to meet Tony on Sunday, he had been off the booze for a week and I said I'd meet him for dinner. He pinged me to say he was back boozing and to drop by; I cancelled. That is not how I want to spend my time. Happy to hang out a little when I have free time... but I have zero interest in being with anyone else. If you don't know that about me, you don't know me. You are all I ever dreamed of. This is all the harder because of that. I know I'll want to see you when I am home. I am terrified it will make everything harder. I hope it is a chance I am capable of taking when the time comes. It will take me forever to get over this. I just never, ever thought it would end like this, end this soon. I was so excited when I left England in August.(his last vist home) Things were perfect. I'm sorry I couldn't keep it like that... I think you are perfect. I have not replied,, im not sure there is anything left to be said at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Ok, well..........if it was me ..........and I'm sure not everyone will agree because we're all different people.........this is what I'd do. I would reply with something short, sweet and direct - along the lines of: "Thank you for your email. It was lovely to know how much you still care because I feel the same way. I still love you too and I still want to be with you. I would happily take the risk of moving to live with you because, if I don't, how will we ever know? I'd rather take action and regret it than spend the rest of my life wondering. If it doesn't work out, so be it, I can always come home - nobody's fault -just one of those things. If you change your mind and want me to be with you, all you have to do is ask. If not, then I wish you all the happiness in the world." You might want to make it more personal or put more sentiment in there that he would recognise as being from your heart and, obviously, it's just my opinion. The other option is to ignore his email or to accept it as a goodbye message and just say 'Thank you for saying that, I love you and miss you too'. It really depends on exactly what you're feeling and what you want to do - nobody can make that decision for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 thanks little tiger.. the thing is i would gladly move, but he is stating that he not willing to take the risk of me moving.. that means ultimately he doesnt want me to move over. he never said on the email either that he wants us to try again. it was just that he was sad etc and sorry things didnt work out. do you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I agree that he didn't say he wants to try again, but he did say that he still loves you, that ending it is hurting him a great deal and that he doesn't really want to end it. He also says that he isn't willing to let you risk eveything because he is afraid of letting you down. He seems to be forgetting that the relationship is not all about him and what he thinks is right, and it's not him who is taking any risk. He's also giving you mixed signals which really isn't fair. He says he loves you, and although you've offered to very bravely jump in with both feet, he is saying that he won't allow you to, despite his 'undying love'. Very confusing. I can't remember how old you guys are but I'm guessing pretty young so maybe he's just immature. That's why I think you should make the point about you being willing to move. If his feelings are genuine, which they certainly sound, then he can't really have any objection to you taking the risk, if it's something you're able and willing to do - and I think you should tell him that. If he still decides that he doesn't want you to go, then I'm really sorry, but I wouldn't believe a word of his long and 'loving' emails. Actions speak louder than words. You're prepared to take action to be with him but he's putting up barriers. Most people in LDRs would give anything to have their SO say 'ok, I can't be without you, so I'm moving' - they certainly wouldn't say 'no, I'm not willing to let you take the risk'! My suggested email was simply to give him one last chance to take down the barriers and give the relationship a chance (based purely on his apparently strong feelings of love for you). If he can't or won't take down those barriers because he's too afraid (of something?) then at least you'll know you made every possible effort before you called it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 thanks little tiger.. xx you are so helpfull.i am 31 and he is 32. i think i will leave it for a day or two and then make a decision to email back or just cut my ties. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 thanks little tiger.. xx you are so helpfull.i am 31 and he is 32. i think i will leave it for a day or two and then make a decision to email back or just cut my ties. Do whatever you feel is right for you - just make sure you don't have any regrets about your decision and that you've said everything you need to say ie given yourself closure (that's what he's done in his last email - given himself closure). I can understand you wanting to 'stay in control' and have him make the last contact so you don't feel rejected if he doesn't respond. However, if you do want to say more and make your position 110% clear (ie that you would have moved and he's the one who's chosen to break both your hearts), you can always end the message with an unmistakable 'goodbye - have a nice life' - obviously worded more delicately and more kindly than that but I'm sure you understand what I mean. Remember, if you do 'cut your ties', make sure you do it properly, including 'unfriending' him on facebook so you can't see what he's up to. NC is really difficult and painful but it's better than the alternative. Hugs (((((cracker))))) Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 As much as I'd like my partner to move here, I might feel some worry that if things don't work out he'd have given up the job he loves, sold his apartment, left everything he's ever known behind to be with me, had all the upheaval of moving etc etc. BUT also if a partner decides to move to be with their partner they should both talk about the fact it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, to have a plan B if things don't work out, so that neither feels it will be a disaster if things don't work out. I'd feel pressured if my partner were giving up everything to move to be with me if he were going to be reliant on me for things for a while, or in the long term, if we split up and it meant he'd have no home or job to go back home to, that would worry me. I wouldn't want him to do that for me. That's one reason why I won't move to his country, if I give up my house I would be homeless if we split up, it is my one security. I don't know what your situation is? If you moved and things didn't work out, would you have somewhere to go back to? Maybe your partner worries about you giving everything up if you move, and being left with nothing if you split? That's is a lot of pressure for him as well as you. thanks little tiger.. the thing is i would gladly move, but he is stating that he not willing to take the risk of me moving.. that means ultimately he doesnt want me to move over. he never said on the email either that he wants us to try again. it was just that he was sad etc and sorry things didnt work out. do you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
Anna84 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Can't stop looking at my email and phone .. Hoping for contact:( have felt like that too, one month it's been now. I've had limited contact since then, but every time we have, it threw me off balance and was hoping for something which I know doesn't make sense in this period of time. Hope you find the strength to focus on yourself, which is always a good thing I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Heaven or hell. I hate my job..I don't like the town I live in..I have no house..only rent... I don't feel like I would be risking much only that I wud give up my job..but like I said I hate it anyways. I could always stay with my parents if worst came to worst... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 If you're willing to take the risk, and you've told him you know there's no guarantees it will work out, same as in any r/ship, what is stopping him do you think? Heaven or hell. I hate my job..I don't like the town I live in..I have no house..only rent... I don't feel like I would be risking much only that I wud give up my job..but like I said I hate it anyways. I could always stay with my parents if worst came to worst... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I guess it would seem that he just doesnt love me enough.really..doesnt it! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I wouldn't say that, judging by his emails to you since you broke up! Have you asked him what he's scared of exactly? I guess it would seem that he just doesnt love me enough.really..doesnt it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 i asked him that before and he said "letting me down"... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 That's quite vague isn't it Could you email him about it and ask him what he means exactly? And that you know there are no guarantees in any r/ship, that you're willing to take the risk to move, knowing things might not work out? You can say to him you can always come back to live with your parents for a while if things don't work out. i asked him that before and he said "letting me down"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 he knows all that. he knows im willing to take a risk.. i think i just have to accept that he loves me( if i can believe him) but doenst love me enough to take that risk with me and let me out of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 i asked him that before and he said "letting me down"... Hi cracker, how are you feeling today? I don't think you should torture yourself with what's going on in his head. He's obviously confused and there's no way you can know what his reasons are for any of his choices, however strange they may seem to you (or us). It's possible he's a commitment phobe and you moving was too much commitment for him - you'll probably never know. All you can do now is make your own choices and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Hi little tiger.. im doing ok. it definitely helps that i was not the one to send the last email between us( childish -but feck it whatever works for me) true for you- i will never know what he is thinking.we can only speculate! i went back on twitter the other day- came off facebook!!! i tweeted the song he sent me( van morrioson -reminds me of you) a few days ago and he fecking retweeted it from me last nite.. im not even following him on twitter - he followed me months ago.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 4 days no contact Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 4 days no contact It's tough eh? We're also going on 4 (I think). I really missed being able to call my ex last night... And then remembered, he was getting impossible to reach anyway! It sounds like you two were getting into a lot of intense discussions in the last few weeks. Maybe you could focus on how tense your exchanges were getting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm annoyed today..last Tuesday week he said he sent me a DVD in the post,, it has not arrived and it should have by now.. He must have been lying to me.. I'm so hurt by that..why the he'll would he say he sent it a day before he broke up with me.. I'm so hurt.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Miss him so much Link to post Share on other sites
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