HeavenOrHell Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Post often takes much longer than it should or it gets lost, I don't see why he'd have lied about sending it, I wouldn't go thinking that. Sorry you're missing him, hope you are ok (((((hugs))))) I'm annoyed today..last Tuesday week he said he sent me a DVD in the post,, it has not arrived and it should have by now.. He must have been lying to me.. I'm so hurt by that..why the he'll would he say he sent it a day before he broke up with me.. I'm so hurt.. Link to post Share on other sites
stargirl259 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 he broke up with me this morning..he said he cant make me happy, which is true, mainly becuase i cant handle the distance. tears on both sides. im beyond heartbroken. thanks to everyone who gave me advice over the last year. wish you all the best of luck with your LDR's x I'm sorry to hear that. I broke up with my bf last week, really thought he was the one. It sucks badly, I hope your ok and stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Miss him so much.. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 You know what I've been doing that's really helping? I started sending emails and letters to various friends, some to tell them about the breakup, others just to catch up on their lives. It feels so good to open my mailbox and see news from friends. It really cheers me up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Hi kamille.. I don't really want to talk to anyone about it. Feel embarrassed about him letting me down and feel some people could see it not lasting and kinda don't want to hear the "I told ya so" even tho I know they won't say it but I know some of them think it.. Perhaps they were right..in fact they were weren't they Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Hi kamille.. I don't really want to talk to anyone about it. Feel embarrassed about him letting me down and feel some people could see it not lasting and kinda don't want to hear the "I told ya so" even tho I know they won't say it but I know some of them think it.. Perhaps they were right..in fact they were weren't they Do you mean to say none of your friends were supportive of your relationship? I hope your friends would care about your well being first and foremost. Plus, if you don't feel like talking about it: Don't! You could write to them and ask them about their lives. Reminisce about some silly things you did in the past. Reconnect with them. I mean, of course, don't do it if you don't want to. It's just really helping me deal with everything to feel surrounded by friends and to take an interest in their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 My close friends were supportive but I think they sometimes thought how is it going to work when he won't let you come over... I kinda like spending time on my own.. I know I shouldn't but it's want I want right now. I kinda feel right now he was only saying he still loves me etc because he thought it wud be what I want to hear.. I mean if he missed me that much he surely wud have contacted me by now. I hate the not knowing if he was telling the truth of just blowing crap! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't think he told you he loves you cos he thought it's what you wanted to hear. Why would he say all those lovely things after you split up as well if he didn't mean them, no need to say them just to please you. Sounds to me like he genuinely loved you. It is confusing he wouldn't let you move, maybe he is afraid of commitment. Personally I would ask him exactly why he wouldn't let me move even though he knows you know there's no guarantees, and that you could go back to your parents if need be. I'd want to know exactly why he left and if I'd made some mistakes I'd want to know so I could avoid making them again in my next r/ship. My close friends were supportive but I think they sometimes thought how is it going to work when he won't let you come over... I kinda like spending time on my own.. I know I shouldn't but it's want I want right now. I kinda feel right now he was only saying he still loves me etc because he thought it wud be what I want to hear.. I mean if he missed me that much he surely wud have contacted me by now. I hate the not knowing if he was telling the truth of just blowing crap! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 He said at the time that if I moved he would feel pressure for us to work out and if we didn't he would be the one to blame.. I told him I wudnt blame him..but he still had the same excuse.. Spend a half hour balling crying last eve after I heard a song we both liked.. I really want him back in my life..but I kinda feel he broke up with me so if he really did love and miss me "that" much surely he would have come looking for me by now!? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Doesn't mean he doesn't miss you, but he seems to have his reasons for thinking it wouldn't work out You can really miss someone but feel that things wouldn't work out so it's best not to get in touch. I wish things had worked out for you, I'm sorry He said at the time that if I moved he would feel pressure for us to work out and if we didn't he would be the one to blame.. I told him I wudnt blame him..but he still had the same excuse.. Spend a half hour balling crying last eve after I heard a song we both liked.. I really want him back in my life..but I kinda feel he broke up with me so if he really did love and miss me "that" much surely he would have come looking for me by now!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 i was having a rant on twitter all weekend and he seen them. he sent me an email last nite why am i such an idiot? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 It's so sad to hear stuff like this happening. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 What did you rant about exactly? And what did his email say? i was having a rant on twitter all weekend and he seen them. he sent me an email last nite why am i such an idiot? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 i was on facebook, we have mutual friend..and i seen that he made friends with a male friend of the girl i thought he was seeing. of course i looked at his profile and the guy was tagged in vegas with this girl..and of course i put 2 and 2 together and got 115!! thinking he was in vegas with the girl i thought he was seeing. so i tweeted" having fun in vegas?" not on his profile but my own. 2 days later i tweeted that" something must have got lost on the way.. oh silly me ..you never sent it" - i was referring to the dvd he said he sent me in the post..that never arrived. This was the email that he sent during the night - he sent me a print screen from the laptop( in work) of the purchse order of the dvd.. it showed it was ordered on the 4th( which he told me) and will not be dispatched until the day after 2mrw..!!!! i feel like such an idiot "the hardest thing every day is fighting the urge to call you. You are always on my mind. I think about you constantly. I miss having you in my life more than you can imagine. [FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]I am in the office right now. I have been in LA(where he lives) all weekend. I played golf on Friday at Callippe Reserve, I worked yesterday, went out for a while last night, ended up driving John home (drunk, getting sick), driving Tom home (wasted)... and then watching the rugby on my laptop....[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]I wonder all the time if this is the right thing to do. It amazes me how little faith you have in me. In us. How little you must have believed in us. In me. I find it crushing. It makes me wonder I am desperately missing something that only ever existed in my head, in my imagination. Either way, in over a year in the U.S. "on my own" I was never lonely until the last week or so...[/sIZE][/FONT] " and this song was attached Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) It seems to me two things are going on: 1) I don't think it's fair that he expects you to not struggle with his decision to end things. He feels betrayed by your pain? He could show a little more empathy. You're jumping to conclusions and losing faith because you don't understand his decision. You also feel betrayed. I'm surprised he doesn't understand that, seeing as how he pretty much made a unilateral decision to end things. 2) You're trying to get his attention in a very passive agressive way. Cracker, right now, I more than anyone understand the impulse to somehow want to catch up on the ex through social media. But I also know nothing good would come of checking any of it for one simple reason: I don't want to check when I'm feeling good. I want to check when I'm feeling at my lowest. So while I understand the impulse to check up on him, I would like to know what you are doing to help yourself feel better right now? I worry that you're struggling to prioritize your own well-being. Edited October 17, 2011 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 I think what he is saying is that again I am constantly doubting him,... Which I am. I haven't replied to his email. Not sure if I am meant too! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I think what he is saying is that again I am constantly doubting him,... Which I am. Cracker, the man broke your heart and you're dealing it with it as best you can. To me, you sound like someone who is in deep pain and someone who cannot understand why someone who proclaims to love her could so easily break her heart. From reading your thread, I get the impression you are constantly trying to find an explanation as to why you're in so much pain and why he could end things. In your worst moments, you check his facebook (looking to connect, but irremediably feeling disconnected), you check the post, you feel neglected, you feel ignored, you imagine he has it easier than you do. You use whatever means at your disposal to get a reaction from him. You are simply dealing with a broken heart. You may be doubting him... But he doubted you when he broke things off - didn't he? He betrayed you when he broke the promises you made to work things out, didn't he? But, more importantly Cracker, what are you doing to be good to yourself? To take care of yourself? Are you talking to friends and family in your surroundings? I'm worried about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Don't really talk to friends and family. I don't want to. There is no point. I don't go out either. I have zero interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Don't really talk to friends and family. I don't want to. There is no point. I don't go out either. I have zero interest. Seriously Cracker, you have to reach out to someone, or, minimally, do something good for yourself - take a bath, go for a walk, etc... People will want to help you. Most of us have had the unfortunate circumstance of running into heartbreak. Friends will sympathize, help you, try to make you feel better. There is more of a point in talking to friends and family (healing) then there is looking at his facebook (which only keeps you miserable). Help yourself, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 If nothing else, consider this: when you move on and occupy yourself with other things, you will stop doubting him. It could benefit you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 I have been through heart break before and I know I don't need anyone to help me get over it. Should I email him back? Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Hi cracker2011, I am sorry for what you are going through and I hope you'll feel better soon. I have to say this, even if you don't want to hear it. Hi all.. Just wondering does this affect everyone? I'm in ldr since November and still get very insecure about my other half when he is out or if I see pics of him tagged in Facebook photos with friends of his and there are girls in them too. He has never given me reason to doubt him..calls me pretty much every night etc .. He is a good looking guy and it stresses me out so much. I think him living in California makes it worse cause all the girls are tanned and very good-looking and great bodies, He knows I get worried and does everything he can to make me feel secure but I still have difficulty trusting.. It makes me sick with worry sometimes Also, if I am not mistaking, you wrote that you wanted to break up with him after every visit. From what I have read, it seems like he does love you, but you are the one that really couldn't handle the distance. May be he broke up with you out of love and isn't contacting you out of love, he obviously, did you a big favour, yes you are in a lot of pain right now, but you'll get better in a few weeks, months . . . compared to being in a relationship that made you extremely unhappy, one that you felt like ending after every visit. Not everyone can cope with long distance relationships especially in some cases where there’s no end point or something of the sort. My advice is to try and get over this, it will take time, but then you will be happier and you will surely meet someone else just as goo, just give it some time. I wish you good luck, do not contact him, he sent you e-mails out of concern, because he cares about you, but you have to move on. Just hang in there a little longer Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can understand him being upset by you doubting him, he's said before he's not seeing anyone and that it was/is you he loves, it's quite hurtful to have it implied that he's lying. I'm just wondering if you've doubted him all along and could this be a reason he was hesitant for you to move? If someone doesn't feel trusted, they tend to give up and think what's the point. I could be totally wrong, Im just going by what you've written lately. I understand it's because you are hurting, but I don't think he deserves you doubting him, I mean it sounds like he's done nothing wrong, done nothing to deserve your distrust, and that must be frustrating for him I think what he is saying is that again I am constantly doubting him,... Which I am. I haven't replied to his email. Not sure if I am meant too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Fair points from both you ladies... Should I reply or not? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Also, does he know about your eating disorder? if so, maybe he worried if you moved and things didn't work out that it would affect you badly, and that is a lot of pressure for him. PM me anytime if you want to chat, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
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