ruca Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I'm driving myself crazy, that's why I found this forum. I'm going to try to be short and to the point. Okay, I'm 25 and am dating a man that is 43 for almost 2 years. We get along great, except for this job he got after we started dating required him to leave the country for months at a time. I supported his choice but I can't stand being alone. I didn't want a long distance relationship and got sucked into one. So there is this other guy I've known for a while and have been really close friends with. A year ago he married one of my ex-friends at the time. She forbid him from being my friend because we were getting too close. Oh well, we lost contact, no big deal. Until, the bitch cheated on him after they were married for only 1 month. He found out and immediately divorced her. He came back to town and we start hanging out again, very innocent at first. However, one night it got out of hand and I cheated on my boyfriend. My boy was in Africa at the time and I hadn't talked to him for almost 2 months, but I told him as soon as he got back. I decided that I was just lonely and couldn't leave my boyfriend, so I told the other guy to back off. Which pissed him off and he said we couldn't be friends. For some reason my boy forgave me and apologized for not keeping in better contact with me, but not long after I snooped through his emails and found he had been contacting females trying to meet up. I confronted him about the emails and he said they were harmless and he would never cheat on me and that I was making myself paranoid. I believed him, but not before I contacted other dude asking if we could still be friends since my bf was talking to other girls. The other guy had already gotten a girl and I felt like an ass. So my boyfriend and I stayed together through all that drama, and we still get along great somehow. Well now he is gone, AGAIN and I still think about the other guy all the time. The other day the other guy texted me and then called. I ignored the call and now I don't know what to do. I dont know if I should call back. I feel like it's a struggle being with my boyfriend because of the age difference, his job, and his hobbies. The other guy seems to be more my type and he's my age. My boyfriend would be devastated if he knew I was having these feelings though, because he thinks everything is peachy right now. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You need to be honest with your boyfriend and break up with him. You have already cheated on him and will probably do so again. Time to move on for the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruca Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 You think? We're getting along great though. I haven't spoken to the other guy in months, and I don't know why he's calling me. I just can't stop thinking about him now. I think I'm going to tell my boyfriend about my feelings but I can't break up with him out of nowhere. Maybe it will come to that but we're way too close for me to break up with him for having mixed feelings at this point. Also, I'm not a cheater, and I won't cheat on him again. I think I was put under unusual circumstances and was completely honest with everyone. That's why it worked out and my boyfriend and I still have a close relationship. Except for the fact I don't know where our future is going and sometimes I feel like we're so different I'm making things difficult on myself by dating him. (That’s what my mother would say at least) I feel like me and the other guy would have dated if it weren't for series of unfortunate events and now I can't help but wonder, "What if?" Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You think? We're getting along great though. I haven't spoken to the other guy in months, and I don't know why he's calling me. I just can't stop thinking about him now. I think I'm going to tell my boyfriend about my feelings but I can't break up with him out of nowhere. Maybe it will come to that but we're way too close for me to break up with him for having mixed feelings at this point. Also, I'm not a cheater, and I won't cheat on him again. I think I was put under unusual circumstances and was completely honest with everyone. That's why it worked out and my boyfriend and I still have a close relationship. Except for the fact I don't know where our future is going and sometimes I feel like we're so different I'm making things difficult on myself by dating him. (That’s what my mother would say at least) I feel like me and the other guy would have dated if it weren't for series of unfortunate events and now I can't help but wonder, "What if?" ruca, I have a daughter the same age as you and so I have to say. I'm with your mother. It's hard if not impossible to find anyone that'll look out for your best interest better than your mom. If she says, you're making things more difficult dating him then maybe you should take stock in her words. There's an ole' saying, "everything happens for a reason". Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Oh for God's sakes, why are you giving some middle-aged letch a thrill by being his "girlfriend" at your age? And he's not a "boy" - he's a middle-aged man. Jeez. So Romeo disappears for TWO MONTHS to Africa and can't even keep in touch with his half-his-age girlfriend? What a schmuck. LMAO! And that's why he likes them young - because they're gullible and believe his middle-aged bullsh*t. The guy couldn't even CALL you for TWO MONTHS and you honestly believe he was living a celibate existence while he was gone? PLEASE tell me you're joking? Highly doubtful he'd be 'devastated.' It's quite clear EXACTLY how he feels about you. Pay very close attention to someone's ACTIONS, not their empty, cheap words. The only thing this guy would be upset about is another guy playing with HIS toy while he's off playing with every woman who'll have him. It's all about his TERRITORY not being invaded and has NOTHING to do with love. There's not a man on this earth who truly loves a woman and IGNORES her for 2 months. You're just too young and inexperienced to understand this dynamic but one day you will. Come on!! You're young and have your whole life ahead of you!!! Why are you wasting it on a middle-aged playboy? ruca, This is an excellent post, I hope you will take it to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruca Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 @Older and Wiser: I guess I thought he was finally ready to settle down. He has never been married and doesn't have any children and the life he has led so far has been a quest for his own personal dreams. Once we started getting close I made myself believe that I was the one he wanted to settle down with. LMAO! And that's why he likes them young - because they're gullible and believe his middle-aged bullsh*t. The guy couldn't even CALL you for TWO MONTHS and you honestly believe he was living a celibate existence while he was gone? PLEASE tell me you're joking? I do feel like a jackass waiting for him back home while he's in Africa, Chile, wherever. He didnt have good service in Africa and only had solar power but he could have updated me with emails and let me know he was still alive. I also told him to give me his address and I would send him mail and he could do the same, he told me they didn't have mail where he was, which is bullsh*t. He didn't try, at all, but he thought he had a good excuse, because he was on an island in the middle of uganda. but he had a working cell phone and internet access. I hated him at this point, which is about the time I cheated on him. when I snooped through his emails I was ready to break up with him. I don't know how he convinced me otherwise and now I'm having these old feelings upwell again. This is supposed to be the last year for his job sending him all over the world, and he said after it's over with we could move somewhere we both like and look for jobs in our fields. Now I feel like I'm letting other people control my life. I'm about to get my masters and I'm starting to wish I was single so I can look for jobs all over and not have to worry about someone else. Now my problem is bringing this up to him. We were really good friends before we dated and he's going to try to get me to stay with him. I feel weak and I don't want to hurt anybody. he's coming home in 2 weeks before he leaves for Chile for 2 months. I don't know if I can do this for some reason. I hate confrontation and I don't know how he's going to take the news. I really fell for him before he got that stupid job and then I realized he doesn't have any relationship etiquette. ugh As for the other guy, he called again and I still ignored him for some reason. I feel guilty just answering the phone. I think I'm going to call him just to see if he really needed something, but that's it. I can't handle someone else right now. I wish I could just disappear Thanks for your words, skywriter and Older & Wiser. I need to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Once we started getting close I made myself believe that I was the one he wanted to settle down with. No you didn't. The fact that you cheated on him AND the fact that the moment you knew that he was trying to contact other women you attempted to befriend your ex'-lover again (and we all know you wanted to f*ck him again) you showed you don't have what it takes to settle down, nor do you know what it actually means. You two don't get along great, this isn't great honey, this is light-years away from it. You two are f*cking around with each other like two little kids. It's time to end this sugar-daddy nonsense. You are young and you want to explore the world and your actions show it. P.S. No, he wouldn't be devastated, he's 43 for gods sake, he had plenty of hearth breaks by now (especially if he hasn't settled with anyone yet). Link to post Share on other sites
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