HollyHoliday Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I had a horrible break up about three months ago. It changed my entire life: where I was going, what I was doing with my life, and where my loyalties stood. I lost 20 pounds, cried for hours for about 7 weeks, and moved 1,000 miles away to be back with my family, finally started anti-depressants and focused on my mental health, as well as accepting what I had been trying to fight all along: the initial realization that I had when I started dating this person that while I knew it wasn't "right", it was better than being alone. Therapy helped me with all of this. This forum has made me realize that I am one of the lucky ones. I don't have a child with this person, we never moved in together, and I never once thought that he was the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. While he was a complete coward and broke my heart, I came to understand that all of the things I didn't like about him were a part of the reality of who he is as a person. Will he likely be able to have a happy marriage and family one day? I think so, yes. But it won't be with me. And I am happy for that. Because we weren't compatible enough for me to be happy with him as a person. I still think of the break up every single day and I still have my moments. However, I know that I was the one who initiated no contact, and still had the grace to be polite to him when we randomly ran into each other three weeks later. The holidays are coming up, which obviously for everyone is hard, so I hope that I am able to make it through okay. I am doing things now for myself and my career that will lead me to better myself. If I had stayed with him, I wouldn't of gotten as far as I think I now will. Every day is a battle, but my confidence is growing and I know that I will make it through, and one day be able to look back at this experience as a learning one. Good luck to everyone, I just want you to know that it DOES get easier and you will get better!! This forum has helped me so much, and I just can't wait to continue posting here, helping others to cope and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Good luck to everyone, I just want you to know that it DOES get easier and you will get better!! This forum has helped me so much, and I just can't wait to continue posting here, helping others to cope and move on. thats what it is all about right! "no good deed never goes unnoticed" always make an effort to do good things with no expectation in return is one of the best things you can do for yourself. i give advice or help people in need for my self because it makes me feel good! always look after yourself first! haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyHoliday Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Exactly! And I even think that I am better at giving advice now after going through all of this. Sometimes, these things have to happen to put things in perspective. It will still hurt at times, but I know that I am on the up! Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 This forum has made me realize that I am one of the lucky ones. I don't have a child with this person, we never moved in together, and I never once thought that he was the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. While he was a complete coward and broke my heart, I came to understand that all of the things I didn't like about him were a part of the reality of who he is as a person. Will he likely be able to have a happy marriage and family one day? I think so, yes. But it won't be with me. And I am happy for that. Because we weren't compatible enough for me to be happy with him as a person. Yes! This. Exactly this. I, too, realized that it could've been much worse than it was. There were no other attachments (children, marriage, etc.) other than ourselves, and I know it would've been that much more painful if there were. So now I'm thankful that it was that way. I know myself so much more now, and I'm much more established when it comes to my job and friends. I know what I will and won't put up with now. And it's comforting to hear about your progress, Holly. These boards tend to be full of people who are stuck in a rut or going through a lot of negative times right now, which I can't blame them. It's natural, and it's the Coping section after all, right? But still, every once in a while it's good to have some people on here talk about finally starting to come out the other side. I've also realized that I'm on the 'up' too, or that I will be, and things can only get better from here if I keep putting in the effort. Of course I'll still have some lame days, but they're MUCH less than they were before, which is honestly such a relief. It's nice to finally see that little bit of light at the end of the tunnel, it just fuels our hope to keep healing, so tons of hugs coming your way. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You are so strong! I'm glad you are getting there and I hope to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyHoliday Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks so much guys! I am hugging you all through this computer screen right now! And you are so right Thieves about what you "will and will not put up with anymore", and about knowing yourself. I know now how I handle things, and the things I should and should not do in relationships. I even dated someone briefly about two months after the breakup, and I knew from the start that I had to listen to my intuition: If I couldn't see it becoming something significant, politely get out of it. And that is exactly what I did. I do hope that others here can look at this and realize that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and that you can find it! And the answer doesn't even have to be putting yourself in another relationship. It can be through finding yourself and becoming confident in your singlehood Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I do hope that others here can look at this and realize that there IS light at the end of the tunnel you are right. there is that light there. and like i say a million times, it does get better. It just takes some time and time well spent. And remember the no contact rule! be well, Holly! mike Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 hh, a big thank you for your post. you have put a few things in a perspective where i have not gone before. i really like the thought of thinking about how in actuality i dodged a big huge mistake. well done post:) Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks so much guys! I am hugging you all through this computer screen right now! And you are so right Thieves about what you "will and will not put up with anymore", and about knowing yourself. I know now how I handle things, and the things I should and should not do in relationships. I even dated someone briefly about two months after the breakup, and I knew from the start that I had to listen to my intuition: If I couldn't see it becoming something significant, politely get out of it. And that is exactly what I did. I do hope that others here can look at this and realize that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and that you can find it! And the answer doesn't even have to be putting yourself in another relationship. It can be through finding yourself and becoming confident in your singlehood YES. This is exactly true. I have learned to trust my intuition and gut a lot more and it has gotten me thus far. I stringed my LTR an extra 4.5 years after my initial gut feeling told me to end it. I was too scared to get out of it, and finally I did. It hurt, and it still does, but I stay strong and go through it. Thanks for this post Holly. It makes me feel great to know that there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Definitely trust your intuition. And if you're wrong (we're all human anyway) then so be it and learn from your mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Holly, Thank you for the post. It's great that you have made it out of the pit. I'm not there yet, but to know this road has been traveled and it brought you to the contentment so many of us are searching for is a strong message we need to hear. We don't need to run into someone else's arms for another bad relationship. I tend to withdraw into the darkness of now approaching winter. A cobweb, and the coldness, and thoughts everyday of the EX. But one day a new light and a new love of my own life, as plain as it maybe with out him in it. A glass up of cheer, Here's to us all on our way to Recovery ! Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyHoliday Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Yes, Queen of Hearts, you will find it and get there! And while I am on those last few steps of coping, even those steps will take a long, long time. Even just today, I started to get a little sad about a few things, but then I remember how arrogant this person was, and how he was just way too negative and closed minded. When we first broke up, I would play back all of the good times and cry about how much I miss him. Now I just replace them with memories of why we were never compatible! But I am happy that I am there, and that I am no longer sobbing for hours, loosing weight, and being a complete mess. Time really DOES heal all. But you just have to let it. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Good to hear Holly! We all have to remember, each day that passes, in actuality, we are one day closer to being healed and feeling better. I have made progress the last few months, it is so small, that I dont notice it at times haha, but it is happening...bc I surely do not feel as awful as I felt 6 months ago! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I remember what it felt like to turn that corner when you're just about over the break up. It just happened recently for myself. I still have my down days- but I'm no longer in love with him, and I'd say I am 90% healed. It took 6 months, but I remember a time when I thought I would never get better- and I did! When new people come to the boards fresh out of a break up- telling someone that they will wake up one day and be better is usually of little consolation to them at the time- but it resonates when you finally do turn that corner. I'm happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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