Questions for Divorced Women

[lost_in_chgo]

For the Ladies: anyone ever decide to get divorced, find a great guy and dump him later because you weren't ready to be involved or just needed to be single for awhile? Tell us your story.

 

Was he the right guy, the wrong guy, the transisition guy or just a different guy?

 

 

Did he pursue you after the breakup?

Did you ever talk again?

 

Did you try to get back together at some point?

Did you even want to?

Did you even consider it?

 

Did he want you back or did he send you packing?

Did it work out?

[spencer]

right guy .....................wrong time syndrome

 

not divorced ....but after a long term break up 18 yrs. It counts.

 

Did he pursue you after the breakup? YES

Did you ever talk again? YES

 

Did you try to get back together at some point? no, not yet

Did you even want to? sometimes

Did you even consider it? YES, oh god YES

 

Did he want you back or did he send you packing? he wanted me back

Did it work out? never tried again

[lost_in_chgo]

OK, so good, tell me more.

 

what is going thru your head that makes you think about all this but not move to reach out to him?

Is it just a matter of not being ready for it?

A commitment issue?

A need to play the field?

Logic vs. love?

[helpme231]

right guy, wrong time for me (I thought), I want him back, he won't return my calls or emails, and it looks like I am up a stream without a paddle.....I really really miss him too....I fell in love with him....

[Jackie177]

I was married to the love of my life - he died suddenly and unexpectedly from an accidental fall while working construction. I remarried 4 years later - that marriage lasted almost 2 years - I filed for divorce. He pursued me and we did spend time together after our divorce - mainly as friends. He was too jealous and insecure - that's why I divorced him (he was a cop and very controlling). I wasn't in love, didn't want to be married, I sent him packing - it didn't work out.

 

Now I married a man who was a very close friend of my first husband. We dated 7 months and he rushed me into marriage Jan 04. Although we have alot in common I cannot stand certain things he does and I've filed for divorce. He jacks off too much to porn and oogles other women blatantly in front of me. This turns me off and I just look at him with disgust - I didn't want to get married in the first place - he and his family pushed me into it. I filed for divorce and he's still pursuing me and trying to talk to me.

 

He doesn't want a divorce - wants to get back together and I have tried a brief reconciliation but he just turns me off sexually because he's slimey. I like a sexually compatible man but someone who's so addicted to jerking off to porn - I consider a pervert.

 

I prefer a gentleman and a better role model for my son. Plus he smothers me when we're in public by hanging all over me and slobbering all over me. He just grosses me out.

 

Did I get totally off the subject here or did I provide you with any decent answers?

 

My first husband was the love of my life - he was perfect - the second two husbands had issues. I won't remarry again. I prefer dating! Marriage is suffocating to me.

[lost_in_chgo]

Dont really see how any of that relates, but you should always do what's in your best interest and follow your heart, not do what other people tell you to do.

 

Best choice dumping the perv.

 

I'll never understand why some women think they have to put up with disrespectful behavior, especially why they might marry someone who shows his true colors before the marriage.

[Gigi Got A Life]

I think sometimes things are ok during the engagement/dating period. He treats you well, especially in front of others. You think you deserve someone who isn't the best... but who will try. You think he will try.

 

You get married. Things get worse. You loose all self esteem you were starting to lose during the engagement. You think you deserve it some more. He hurts you and you don't question that you deserve the worst of everything. He controls you. He knows you and uses yourself against you.

 

You think you are stuck. You cannot get out. Then suddenly something happens and you see light. You realize you've been living in darkness... and you reach for air. It all seems like a nightmare.

 

I'm a good girl, and I used to be really good looking (I've gained a little weight- about 20 lbs over weight) - but I never thought I deserved a good guy. I always pushed away the guys that I thought were so great, mostly because I was afraid I wasn't good enough for them.

 

I know this is random... but you asked the question. Mine is just one answer. others?

[lost_in_chgo]

mostly because I was afraid I wasn't good enough for them.

 

That's sad and it's also not true.

 

One of the things my ex said was that she could never live up to my expectations. (I had none beyond what she was, and I knew her very well before we started dating.) She talked herself out of the relationship without ever talking to me about it. It's insecurity, low self-esteem or both and you have to find them within yourself.

 

I hope she finds that I that you do too.

 

As far as the darkness, that's something that peopl let happen. Relationships should be 50/50 and too often one person expects the other party to do all the work. 50/50 from the start and alot of communication and nothing can stand in your way.