wheream_i Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Yes, it's a requirement with me. Making little sacrifices for each other is part of a loving relationship. I'm not a demanding guy who insists on cumming in her mouth or having her swallow it however. I don't need that at all. But I want spontaneity, enthusiasm and willingness to please in ways that I instruct--which I know to be decent and fair. I offer the same. A boundary like no head just because she "doesn't care for it" is a deal-breaker. Word. I've done it. Same here. It is a most definitely a requirement for me. Bar none. Has nothing to do with being selfish as I thoroughly love going down on a woman too and pleasing her doing whatever it takes. But a woman who just doesn't like it or won't do it because whatever ridiculous reason is not the woman for me. And those who only do it on "special occasions": Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. just turn me off even more. If I come across a woman who will do it right after meeting, then I damn sure want an S/O who does because she loves to please me. Link to post Share on other sites
Highness Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 The big question is: Why would a man enjoy the BJ if his partner is not into it. I could not experience a high degree of pleasure if the woman is doing it with no enjoyment to herself. There are many more ways to have fun in bed. Maybe these men lack imagination. Exactly. I dont like giving or receiving oral sex - I'll go down on my bf occasionally just for something different but he's not into because I'm not into it. We do other things instead - Ive asked him whether he resents not getting BJs and he laughed and said no that was ridiculous, he was happy as long as I was happy. Ive been with guys who make me feel guilty for not doing things in the bedroom that Im uncomfortable with (BJs included), It makes me sick to my stomach that I was pressured into doing those things when I didnt enjoy them. Sex should be for mutual enjoyment. Guys like that are selfish pricks. Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I must find the ONLY guys who complain that I don't do it...or don't do it enough or something of the like. I'd have to say that's always been the biggest complaint in every relationship. I don't just "take care of them". I'm a fantastic cook tho, and I'm very neat, I don't nag or bitch, I'm not bossy or rude, I'm not demanding...but I don't give BJs enough. Huh. LOL Listen, let me clear something up for you. Personally, I know how to cook and love to cook for whomever I may be dating. I am a clean person, pick up after myself and put away the dishes. I also know how to put the toilet seat down, know how to fix a flat tire. I know how to listen and engage in conversation. With all that said, that should leave you with nothing to bitch about. The only thing I can't do? Suck my own ****. That's where you come in. See what I'm getting at? I'm going to go ahead and say it. I think that is the reason you are single. I hope I'm not coming off as being mean. Just trying to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 My dating pool can't get any smaller. It's a wading pool really. You should coin that. It made me laugh. Azsinglegal, you need to find a man that will respect your boundries. Whether that be oral (something some might consider vanilla) or it be more extreme things. When it come to sex, no one gets to tell you what you should feel comfortable doing. And all of us here have our own lines. When a man really cares about you, he will respect your boundries. If he doesn't, he is a heel. BUT, I also suggest sometimes doing something for someone because you know they enjoy it. As long as you don't feel/find it personally degrading to you. Again, however, with the man you mentioned who always asks you for them and never returns the favor, that's a bit of a problem. He is neither respecting your boundries or even making an effort to give back to you in return. Some men make sex less about having fun together and make it into something women are suppose to perform to make them feel good. It kind of sounds like that's what your current man is about. If you choose to continue to be intimate with this man, next time he asks for oral, turn it around on him and say "how about this time you go down on me". Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Listen, let me clear something up for you. Personally, I know how to cook and love to cook for whomever I may be dating. I am a clean person, pick up after myself and put away the dishes. I also know how to put the toilet seat down, know how to fix a flat tire. I know how to listen and engage in conversation. With all that said, that should leave you with nothing to bitch about. The only thing I can't do? Suck my own ****. That's where you come in. See what I'm getting at? I'm going to go ahead and say it. I think that is the reason you are single. I hope I'm not coming off as being mean. Just trying to be honest. Wheream_I, that's great that your a full grown man able to function at a level that most people managed to master by the time they were 15 without needing gold stars of accolades like you yourself apparently need. But the fact that you can do all these things except suck yourself, isn't enough reason alone for a woman to want to give you oral, let alone want to touch you with a ten foot pole. Yes, we all hear what you are getting at. Yes, you are not only coming off mean but with a degrading attitude toward women and the role they are suppose to play in your life. Proudly insinuating that since you can cook and clean, indirectly saying that since you don't need a woman to do that for you, l there's only one thing left for a woman to do for you, couldn't get more mysognistic. Furter, telling woman/women that "that should leave you with nothing to bitch about" only enhances the misognistic theme in your post. It's exactly this attitude that isn't going to make one woman want to lick your c*ck, much less let the one eyed snake out to play with any other part of her body either. Women aren't here to suck your ****. Oral is suppose to be a mutually fun pleasurable activity. Not an activity women are shamed into doing because of your "i'm a man" speach. Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Wheream_I, that's great that your a full grown man able to function at a level that most people managed to master by the time they were 15 without needing gold stars of accolades like you yourself apparently need. But the fact that you can do all these things except suck yourself, isn't enough reason alone for a woman to want to give you oral, let alone want to touch you with a ten foot pole. Yes, we all hear what you are getting at. Yes, you are not only coming off mean but with a degrading attitude toward women and the role they are suppose to play in your life. Proudly insinuating that since you can cook and clean, indirectly saying that since you don't need a woman to do that for you, l there's only one thing left for a woman to do for you, couldn't get more mysognistic. Furter, telling woman/women that "that should leave you with nothing to bitch about" only enhances the misognistic theme in your post. It's exactly this attitude that isn't going to make one woman want to lick your c*ck, much less let the one eyed snake out to play with any other part of her body either. Women aren't here to suck your ****. Oral is suppose to be a mutually fun pleasurable activity. Not an activity women are shamed into doing because of your "i'm a man" speach. Ouch. Thank you for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Same here. It is a most definitely a requirement for me. Bar none. Has nothing to do with being selfish as I thoroughly love going down on a woman too and pleasing her doing whatever it takes. But a woman who just doesn't like it or won't do it because whatever ridiculous reason is not the woman for me. And those who only do it on "special occasions": Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. just turn me off even more. If I come across a woman who will do it right after meeting, then I damn sure want an S/O who does because she loves to please me. Another thing is I think women should always expect to have to learn her guy's nuances. It's a total turn off when someone thinks they are the best and has all the answers and to just lie back and shut up. Either that or the ones who will barely do it because they think you're going to blow within one stroke of getting it in there. Those prompt the "get over yourself" face. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 For a woman to be in a relationship with me, it is absolutely a requirement that she enjoys giving AND receiving oral sex. There isn't anything about oral sex that makes it some sort of weird or disgusting fetish. It's about as plain vanilla as you can get, and has been a standard and widespread sexual practice for thousands of years. If you don't like it, you don't like it. That's fine. But yes, you ARE limiting your dating pool by a lot. Men like blowjobs, and they don't like begging for them. They don't like it when women act like by giving them a blowjob, they are doing them some awesome favor. Completely takes the fun out of it. I can assure you that you are limiting your dating pool because two years ago, I stopped seeing someone before we were official because she would neither give or receive oral sex. Was absolutely repulsed by it, and it didn't surprise me because even the regular sex was kind of boring and mechanical. The only advice I can give you is, either learn to enjoy giving blowjobs or accept your lot in life, because men's love of receiving (and for many of them, myself included, giving as well) oral sex won't disappear anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 oral sex won't disappear anytime soon. As it shouldn't, if it did, I'd just stay at home with my vibrator:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Blowjobs should be fun. As should be oral sex on the other end. I would definitely give to get. However, I wouldn't give if I wasn't getting. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 As a woman... I don't think I would be romantically involved with a man if he didn't want to receive oral LOL. What-evs... I have an oral fixation... I would probably be really dis-heartened if he wanted to receive but didn't want to play with me orally as well though... he would have to be really amazing for me to sacrifice that lol... Maybe that makes me a pig-headed female but, the kind of lover I want is one whom mutually enjoys oral sex. I have a yet to encounter a man intimately (or even otherwise) who doesn't thoroughly enjoy oral sex... I'm sure they exist, but not enjoying it probably does limit your choices significantly. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 As a man, I really, really want it. And additionally, I always make sure to reciprocate - which is something I really, really enjoy doing. If oral sex isn't part of the relationship, I'm not interested in the relationship. Me too. Link to post Share on other sites
TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm a woman. I found that once I learned to make my sexual satisfaction a priority and not an option in my sexual relationship, I stopped feeling so resentful about providing oral. I feel no negative feelings about my partner asking for it, because I feel entitled to do the same and I expect them to be just as willing as I am expected to be. I would not be with someone who isn't all about making sure I'm taken care of. It's degrading to have sex if it's not just as much about me and my pleasure as it is about him. If I'm in a sexual relationship, and the guy attempts getting off and leaving me hanging, I WILL say something - the first time -right then and there. Holding them tenderly, I will say, "I haven't orgasmed yet so let's do something for me." and if I'm no longer in the mood, I say "let's figure out a plan B, so that we can make sure I'm taken care of whenever I don't orgasm before you." You will have to communicate what you like and how they can get the job done for you. I had to get used to it, it gets easier, and it's worth it. You feel self respecting and empowered. If this were a problem for him, I would consider this a deal breaker and terminate the relationship. A relationship has to adequately meet all 4 types of needs: intellectual spiritual emotional physical Each one is as important as the other, and therefore if this guy cannot adequately meet my needs in the physical category, that's just not good enough. Once you know he's willing and able to meet your sexual needs (and you feel that lovely fuzzy warm feeling of knowing he prioritizes your satisfaction), you might feel quite nice about giving him his bjs. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm a woman. I found that once I learned to make my sexual satisfaction a priority and not an option in my sexual relationship, I stopped feeling so resentful about providing oral. I feel no negative feelings about my partner asking for it, because I feel entitled to do the same and I expect them to be just as willing as I am expected to be. I would not be with someone who isn't all about making sure I'm taken care of. It's degrading to have sex if it's not just as much about me and my pleasure as it is about him. If I'm in a sexual relationship, and the guy attempts getting off and leaving me hanging, I WILL say something - the first time -right then and there. Holding them tenderly, I will say, "I haven't orgasmed yet so let's do something for me." and if I'm no longer in the mood, I say "let's figure out a plan B, so that we can make sure I'm taken care of whenever I don't orgasm before you." You will have to communicate what you like and how they can get the job done for you. I had to get used to it, it gets easier, and it's worth it. You feel self respecting and empowered. If this were a problem for him, I would consider this a deal breaker and terminate the relationship. A relationship has to adequately meet all 4 types of needs: intellectual spiritual emotional physical Each one is as important as the other, and therefore if this guy cannot adequately meet my needs in the physical category, that's just not good enough. Once you know he's willing and able to meet your sexual needs (and you feel that lovely fuzzy warm feeling of knowing he prioritizes your satisfaction), you might feel quite nice about giving him his bjs. Brilliant post! Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would absolutely not marry a girl that wouldn't do this. I can't believe a girl could love her man and not do this for him. In my view, girls really don't have to do all that much! But this is one thing they do have to do. You want our money and respect, you want to be housed and loved and treated as equal while somehow also being treated as privileged. The top thing we want in return is some good sex and yes, that includes oral sex. And you won't even give that? I think that you will have a hard time finding anyone and I think that is very fair and justified. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 The guy I'm dating now asks for them all the time, it's starting to really piss me off. I've done it a few times but it's ALL he asks for and doesn't reciprocate. Tell him he can have a bj if you can sit on his face, and that he has to earn his bj. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Every girl I've ever been with has been more than willing. Never met a girl that 'doesn't like it'. That said, whilst I want to see the willing and enjoy the intimacy of the experience, blowjobs do nothing for me. Or rather, most girls are rubbish at it. I can count on one hand the number of times a girl has made me come with just her mouth. All young men are fixated on learning every nuance of a woman's body and every technique for going down on her, and most of us are pretty damn proud of our abilities to make a girl a come with our mouth. Sadly, IME, its not the same the other way round! Link to post Share on other sites
noel2 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm a woman, I know you only wanted men to respond, but the one thing I haven't heard from anyone on here is this....Have you sat down and had a heart to heart with him about the subject, not in the heat of the moment? I love giving head, it turns me on more than anything, but if I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't bother doing it because I know the main reason I give good head is because I freaking love it and a man can tell, which is a big part of the turn on. Anyway, try talking to him, you may come to a compromise. And the other thing is this, have you had a bad experience while giving head? Such as a man shoving your head down on his cock? Because that's a deal breaker for me, just wondering if you don't like it because you had a bad experience? Link to post Share on other sites
noel2 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Really dude? "In my view, girls really don't have to do all that much! But this is one thing they do have to do. You want our money and respect, you want to be housed and loved and treated as equal while somehow also being treated as privileged. " ChessPiece, you are a pig! We don't want your money as much as you think we do, we want your love and affection, stop being a d bag and you may find out we are perfectly able to love you for you! Urgh! Sorry, but its this kind of attitude from a man that makes a woman like the one who started this thread not want to do things for you. Sorry, JMHO Edited October 6, 2011 by noel2 forgot to quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 ChessPiece, you are a pig! No. I'm the exact opposite. The pigs are the guys that get lots of women by treating them like crap, I treat women great and get none. Well, back when I tried. There's nothing piggish about demanding to be sexually satisfied in a relationship. Oral sex is simply a requirement for many (most?) men, and rightly so. I don't have a great need for a woman to make sandwiches. I can make sandwiches. I do have a need to be sexually pleasured and since I am among the large majority of males who "can't reach", I can't do that for myself. Seriously, how hard is it? That's what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Why is this a requirement? cause most men love getting a bj i give oral to women and i expect oral from them. Link to post Share on other sites
noel2 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 "There's nothing piggish about demanding to be sexually satisfied in a relationship. Oral sex is simply a requirement for many (most?) men, and rightly so. I don't have a great need for a woman to make sandwiches. I can make sandwiches. I do have a need to be sexually pleasured and since I am among the large majority of males who "can't reach", I can't do that for myself. Seriously, how hard is it? That's what she said." I stand corrected then, if you truly are a good guy. But your post made it sound like you give EVERYTHING and expect head in return, basically. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm being told by SEVERAL friends that the reason I'm still single is because I don't give BJs whenever my man wants them or just "on a whim" to take care of him. Why is this a requirement? I honestly don't like doing it and I don't like it being expected of me. I've never been with a man who gets me off just "on a whim" or to "take care of me". Am I doomed to being single forever now? Hmmm, dunno. I guess it depends on how you are as far as the other departments are concerned. So for example, if you are amazing sex wise as far as everything else is concerned, then maybe for some guys it wont be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 All young men are fixated on learning every nuance of a woman's body and every technique for going down on her, and most of us are pretty damn proud of our abilities to make a girl a come with our mouth. Sadly, IME, its not the same the other way round! That hasn't been my experience at all. In all of my relationships, I've always given more oral then I received. My experience has been that men are more interested in getting "theres" then giving. This is something represented in porn as well. Men don't want to see a woman enjoying receiving oral (unless it's from a big breasted lesbian) more then they want to see a guy getting his. I also have encountered very fiew men that have good oral technique. Only one ex made me orgasm from his mouth. The other ones never really seemed to know what they were doing or would even do things that where painful. I swear they picked up some of their moves from things they seen in porn. When I was younger, I was too afraid to speak up because I was more worried about their pleasure and feelings then my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Compromise is always, always required when two people have sex for the long term. Either you two are mostly compatible or you aren't, but either way I don't think most people's partners share ALL their fetishes to the dot. I would not be too worried if I were you, especially if you are willing to compromise in other ways sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
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