Men: Is oral sex a requirement?

[Els]

So if a woman let you know that she would never give you a blowjob ever because she thinks it's a gross thing to do you'd be fine with it? Yeah right It's not about the physical act, it's that if a woman feels it's nasty to do it that is the issue.

 

Oh cmon, stop giving Nexus flak just because his personal ideals don't conform with yours. There could be any number of reasons a woman or man would not want to give oral.

[insaneinthebrain]

I genuinely feel sorry for people who don't like oral - and not just sucking on intimate parts...

 

After several bouts of bronchitis and strep throat, I admit that it is much harder for me to give good, deep oral without gagging, but that doesn't stop me from trying.

 

Beyond simple sucking, there are so many things one can do with one's tongue on all parts of the body; behind the knees, behind the ears, in between toes, full-on sucking of fingers...

 

I love exploring a man's body with my tongue and am a true sensualist when it comes to full experiencing as much as possible with many parts of my body - not just my fingers or vagina.

 

And there is nothing like the look that a man gives you when you realize he is going to finish because of how great your technique is...

 

Wow... it all of a sudden got hot in here!!

[Els]

The girls I've been with that didn't give head weren't any good at sex either and tended to just not be as sexual. Guys here who say that they are indifferent to or do not like receiving oral sex have probably never encountered a woman who can throw a good one.

 

I think for some of us, it is not so much a question of 'do not like', as 'like it but other things are more important'. I would not throw away an otherwise good R over just ONE sexual act, even though I enjoy it. Other things are more important to me.

[OliveOyl]

I like oral, but I like intercourse more.

 

Both giving and receiving.

 

Oral isn't that big a deal to me but I have no problem with it. It can be very fun and spice things up.

 

Oops. I'm not a man.

Edited October 7, 2011 by OliveOyl

[Nexus One]

So if a woman let you know that she would never give you a blowjob ever because she thinks it's a gross thing to do you'd be fine with it? Yeah right It's not about the physical act, it's that if a woman feels it's nasty to do it that is the issue.

 

I'd be fine with it. Besides, I too have my turn-offs. I wouldn't want to do anything sexual involving blood, sh*t or urine. Some women say they like to have sex while menstruating, with blood gushing out of them. I have no problem with blood itself, but seeing blood on my SO would trigger a psychological reaction in me that she's hurt and that would prevent me from staying horny, I don't think I could do it. And I just don't like sh*t and urine, it's just not my thing, f*ck that sh*t.

[CarrieT]

In all my life I've never done [licking between toes]

 

(reminds self to check for toe lint next time...)

 

 

This is my point; take the time to explore the entirety of a lover's body with one's tongue might produce responses and secret spots that would otherwise never be known of...

 

Some people consider me kinky for my "extreme" sexual appetite, while I look at it as merely completely sensual. The entire body -- including the brain -- can be an erogenous zone, but it requires patience and time to explore and discover and what better way with slow, deliberate licks, nibbles and sucks?

 

One of my greatest pleasures in the beginning of a relationship is taking the time to fully explore another's body with my tongue and mouth. It can take an hour or more, but during that time I might discover hidden treasures of delight that even he didn't know he had.

[homersheineken]

Why is it that men can "expect" oral in a relationship but I can't "expect" a man to pay?

 

The real question is why can't you expect oral in return. Otherwise you're sounding like a hooker if you're looking for money

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm not talking about bjs in exchange for money. My point is about expectations placed on each gender. Men are expected to pay. Women are expected to engage in the sexual interests that a man desires..yada yada. At least in this thread, a number of men to expect bjs in their sexual relationships.

 

A lot of men in another thread took issue with expectations about their paying for dates. My point is that no one likes to feel like they are expected to perform a certain way. But it's always more healthy when someone happily wants to give you something. Whether that be a nice time out and a meal or within the sexual relationsihp where things are given freely or done freely and happily. Feeling expected to do something and doing it happily are the key to fostering a positive environment in a relationship. And it apparently crops up in different places for men and women. It would behove both men and women to keep that in mind in any relationship that should be both give and take. It doesn't just have to be in reference to paying or not paying however since this was a recent topic of discussion where a lot of men didn't like the idea of being "expected" to pay while a number of men did use the word "expect" in reference to bjs, I think it's a fair comparison.

[azsinglegal]

I'm not talking about bjs in exchange for money. My point is about expectations placed on each gender. Men are expected to pay. Women are expected to engage in the sexual interests that a man desires..yada yada. At least in this thread, a number of men to expect bjs in their sexual relationships.

 

A lot of men in another thread took issue with expectations about their paying for dates. My point is that no one likes to feel like they are expected to perform a certain way. But it's always more healthy when someone happily wants to give you something. Whether that be a nice time out and a meal or within the sexual relationsihp where things are given freely or done freely and happily. Feeling expected to do something and doing it happily are the key to fostering a positive environment in a relationship. And it apparently crops up in different places for men and women. It would behove both men and women to keep that in mind in any relationship that should be both give and take. It doesn't just have to be in reference to paying or not paying however since this was a recent topic of discussion where a lot of men didn't like the idea of being "expected" to pay while a number of men did use the word "expect" in reference to bjs, I think it's a fair comparison.

 

Thank you, I agree. I think it's about putting expectations on another person that they may not agree with that causes problems.

 

I know my current BF hates having any kind of expecations PUT on him, but yet, I do expect certain things and he's never let down. But voicing them and saying, "I expect you to XYZ" is different. The only thing I told him is I expect him NOT to cheat on me, that's pretty much my only VOCAL expecation.

 

He's NEVER said he expects me to give him BJs, but he does ask for them and whenever I thank him for something nice he always says gimme a BJ then. A lot of it is joking, but there is a lot of truth in jokes.

 

I'd say 95% of my friends have told me the reason I can't get a man to commit to me is because I don't freely, openly, basically constantly have his dick in my mouth. I know most of my female friends who practically "worship the penis". Now granted, I love it...but I prefer actual sex to oral. I start with going down on him, but would like it to end with him inside me.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Thank you, I agree. I think it's about putting expectations on another person that they may not agree with that causes problems.

 

I know my current BF hates having any kind of expecations PUT on him, but yet, I do expect certain things and he's never let down. But voicing them and saying, "I expect you to XYZ" is different. The only thing I told him is I expect him NOT to cheat on me, that's pretty much my only VOCAL expecation.

 

He's NEVER said he expects me to give him BJs, but he does ask for them and whenever I thank him for something nice he always says gimme a BJ then. A lot of it is joking, but there is a lot of truth in jokes.

 

I'd say 95% of my friends have told me the reason I can't get a man to commit to me is because I don't freely, openly, basically constantly have his dick in my mouth. I know most of my female friends who practically "worship the penis". Now granted, I love it...but I prefer actual sex to oral. I start with going down on him, but would like it to end with him inside me.

 

Sexual compatibility within a romantic relationship is important. While compromises between both partners are essential to the longevity and the health of a relationship, there are some compromises that will only serve to destroy a relationship and to build resentment (many that pertain to personal beliefs and values, but desires and needs are relevant as well).

 

Some compromises cannot be reasoned out with "give and take", because often times people cannot appreciate one another's perspectives and so taking things for granted can naturally result. Who can really appreciate what someone deprives themselves of when it doesn't mean much to the person it's being deprived for in the first place? Or what someone gives up and sacrifices when the other can easily share it? And unless what they "get" back in return for going without / giving is equivalent in some other form, over-time they will feel cheated.

 

Sexual compatibility is indeed crucial. It doesn't matter if two people want sex daily or want it roughly once a month --- drives should be similar, whatever the frequency. While it's impossible for two people to have parallel drives at all times, the majority of their drives should tend to mirror each other. Beyond drives are desires. Many desires change over time, however, some persist through it. Oral sex is certainly a type of sexual desire.

 

If someone really enjoys oral sex, and they partner up with someone who does not, they are not going to be satisfied. They will try to go without (if they're a decent person) and try to make the best of it, but other issues (natural ones) that occur within the relationship will make it more difficult for them to overlook the "perceived" deficit. They may also feel tempted to find someone who does enjoy it (they may feel guilty for this too)... and the same could be true for the partner who feels "pressured" or as though they're perhaps not adequate enough... they may start being tempted to find someone who is, essentially, more "compatible" with them and who appreciates *them* more.

 

Neither are right nor wrong, but with one another, they may not feel as though their "needs" are being met. Desires are often the manifestations of something way deeper that pertains to feeling loved and accepted and to the opposite --- expressions of repressed hurt, anger, malice... and everything in between. Many people confuse "desires" with "needs" nonetheless... while needs MAY be behind many desires, fulfilling the desires does not often tend to the need... rather instead it serves to escalate the craving to have "desires" tended to more...

 

There certainly are people who have desires they don't mind "compromising" on... generally these desires are ones they are not passionate / really intrigued over... or, they didn't think they would ever get fulfilled in the first place and have already accepted that.

 

Ultimately it's just better to couple with someone whose sexuality is harmonious with yours... whether or not you are the one that, for this example, enjoys oral sex or are the one who doesn't.

Edited October 7, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Thank you, I agree. I think it's about putting expectations on another person that they may not agree with that causes problems.

 

I know my current BF hates having any kind of expecations PUT on him, but yet, I do expect certain things and he's never let down. But voicing them and saying, "I expect you to XYZ" is different. The only thing I told him is I expect him NOT to cheat on me, that's pretty much my only VOCAL expecation.

 

He's NEVER said he expects me to give him BJs, but he does ask for them and whenever I thank him for something nice he always says gimme a BJ then. A lot of it is joking, but there is a lot of truth in jokes.

 

I'd say 95% of my friends have told me the reason I can't get a man to commit to me is because I don't freely, openly, basically constantly have his dick in my mouth. I know most of my female friends who practically "worship the penis". Now granted, I love it...but I prefer actual sex to oral. I start with going down on him, but would like it to end with him inside me.

 

 

You're boyfriend is a touch passive aggressive. Yes, his 'jests" are revealing some of the truth he desires.

 

So you do give him bjs then? I'm confused. You just want to end the session with him in your vagina?

 

I don't really think bjs make a man committ. But that's just my opinion.

[ConfusedGuy28]

BJs are a must, especially when you give, and then she just leaves you hanging. (I'm going through this right now)

 

If a guy doesn't like getting head, he's never gotten it properly

[iris219]

I have a friend who’s getting married in the summer. She’s been engaged 3 times in 5 years, but she always dumps the guys (and destroys them emotionally because they’re so in love with her). She’s infamous for not giving BJs. We tease her about it. She simply won’t do it and she makes this very clear. She hasn’t done it since she was a teenager. She’s very upfront about it and her BFs have never complained. She has no problem getting guys.

 

I've never dated men who cared that much about them and I've never been asked to give one. There are men out there like this, OP. You just have to find one.

[Els]

I really don't get how so many of you manage to equate 'not an absolute requirement' to 'not liking something'. Would I like my guy to be a multi-billionaire, and for us to go touring the world and staying in five-class hotels all the time? Errr, sure. Is it a requirement? No.

 

I really don't know how much more simply to put this. I think people nowadays feel themselves entitled to everything they want, without realizing that in order to make the best decisions, one sometimes needs to know what one wants and what one needs instead. If you absolutely need oral sex in a relationship, fine. Just stop knocking on the people who don't absolutely need it by insinuating that they don't want it and/or have not experienced good head before.

[CocoaBrown]

I have never asked for a BJ. I believe the vagina gives me a much better orgasm.

 

However, I truly enjoy giving oral sex. My ex wife was so orgasmic that all she needed was 30 seconds to reach orgasm. I often wished she would last more so I could enjoy it more.

I have received BJs when the women insisted, but I can take them or leave them.

 

After reading several of Pierre's posts, I believe he needs to be cloned and sent to me ASAP!

[TheBigQuestion]

 

 

Chris Rock always gets it right. Start at around the 7 minute mark, and pay attention to the last few lines in particular. It's rather pertinent to this BJ debate. Earlier in the clip, he also discusses how men "cannot go backwards sexually." The point is that once a woman has introduced something into a man's sex life that was highly pleasurable, men generally will be resentful if they end up in a relationship where that particular sex act is off the menu.

 

As I stated before, one reason that I suppose I consider oral sex a "requirement" for a relationship is that women who openly dislike giving/receiving tend to not be as sexually open and comfortable with their own bodies, or with mine.

 

Would I get into a relationship with someone who would not give me BJs? I suppose it's possible, but as someone with a high sex drive and an open mind, I have a hard time thinking I'd be compatible with such a person in the first place. I did stop seeing a girl because she wouldn't give me head, although that was not the sole reason. It didn't get her any brownie points, however.

[mesmerized]

 

 

Chris Rock always gets it right. Start at around the 7 minute mark, and pay attention to the last few lines in particular. It's rather pertinent to this BJ debate. Earlier in the clip, he also discusses how men "cannot go backwards sexually." The point is that once a woman has introduced something into a man's sex life that was highly pleasurable, men generally will be resentful if they end up in a relationship where that particular sex act is off the menu.

 

As I stated before, one reason that I suppose I consider oral sex a "requirement" for a relationship is that women who openly dislike giving/receiving tend to not be as sexually open and comfortable with their own bodies, or with mine.

 

Would I get into a relationship with someone who would not give me BJs? I suppose it's possible, but as someone with a high sex drive and an open mind, I have a hard time thinking I'd be compatible with such a person in the first place. I did stop seeing a girl because she wouldn't give me head, although that was not the sole reason. It didn't get her any brownie points, however.

 

Same with women with high sex drive. It's really hard (if not impossible) to try to go from good sex to bad sex.

 

Im a woman and oral sex is an absolute requirement for me. I won't date a guywho doesn't give them.

[PratyekaYana]

As I stated before, one reason that I suppose I consider oral sex a "requirement" for a relationship is that women who openly dislike giving/receiving tend to not be as sexually open and comfortable with their own bodies, or with mine.

 

I couldn't have stated it better myself. There is definitely a correlation between not enjoying oral sex and being less liberal overall with one's sexual appetites, and, while there is nothing deficient about a prudish woman, I know that in such a relationship I would feel trapped and inhibited from fully expressing my sexuality. So, a willingness to give and receive oral sex is something that I do look for as an indicator of compatibility.

[Els]

You're being unrealistic in your comparison of oral sex to an activity that is so degrading or expensive, only one of the richest males could be bold enough to ask for it, and you are upgrading the trading value of an act that has been used by women for thousands of years, oral sex, and has always been considered to be as normal as missionary sex(until Christianity fckd up our sexuality).

 

Don't you think your boyfriend would find a better woman to be his girlfriend if he had the money to compete with the fortune of Bill Gates? I don't see how you could have as a requirement, a man's wealth to be equal to one of the world's richest human beings for a man to have any chance at dating you. Unless I'm talking to the much younger lost sister of Angelina Jolie, your education or your worldly savoriness ain't going to be enough as more than enough women with at least above-average looks and with a respectable education know how to suck dick like a pro. Women start doing this practice in their teens and by their 25th birthday the men they date take oral sex for granted.

 

You also can't compare the extremeness in creating a company that is always in the top 10 of most profitable companies in the world with a sexual act that pretty much every woman learned in her teens how to perform.

 

As with any job application, it pays off to be specialized in more than one field if you want to stay employed during most of your life.Do you provide anal sex? I can only envision myself in a sexual relationship with a woman who doesn't perfom bjs if her butt is open to my(our) pleasure.

 

A woman who doesn't suck a dick and doesn't like anal sex is most likely prone to link kinky and wild sex to reversed cowgirl position or doggystyle. Those positions were adrenaline-rushing exciting sex when I began my sexual life, but now it'd be too tame, to have a woman who ain't all that sexual, and I have too high of T levels to stay or to bother with a woman who seems to derive more pleasure from conversations, trips, and purchases.

 

So men who want oral sex are entitled? I didn't realise oral sex is that horrible that you compare it to wanting a billionaire. Most couples do have it.

 

I can only speak for myself, the act in itself is not really amazing. But if a woman doesn't do it it suggest she has hang ups about sex and is overly conservative and I don't think I'd be comfortable with a woman like that.

 

Me wanting a woman who doesn't think my penis is disgusting hardly makes me entitled.

 

 

Oh, hon, I happen to be one of the women who actually enjoy giving BJs, for the record. Especially in D/s play. You completely missed my point.

 

Here, let me see if I can state it more plainly:

 

1) A says, "Nah, it's no big deal, I would not ditch a partner (male or female) that I loved just because they don't give me oral"

2) B (that's you, see!) says, "What, you don't like oral? You must not have had good oral before!"

3) A says, "No, it's not that I don't like oral, it's just that other things are more important to me and I would not drop a good relationship just because of it"

4) B (that's you again, see!) says, "Well, I don't believe you don't like oral. It's not entitled for me to want oral."

5) Elswyth (that's me, see!) says, "It's fine that you require oral, but please stop insinuating that people do not like it or have not experienced good oral sex, just because they believe other things are more important than it and thus would not drop an otherwise good relationship just because of it".

 

Now, surely you can see the difference between 'disliking' something and just not dumping someone because they aren't giving it to you? I see the logic in my billionaire example went clear over the two of your heads. Well, no matter. How about:

 

1. I like homemade sushi, but I won't dump a guy who can't make it.

2. I like 6-pack abs, but I won't dump a guy who doesn't have them.

3. I like singing and dancing in the rain, but I won't dump a guy who doesn't wanna do that with me.

4. I like Taylor Swift, but I won't dump a guy who doesn't want to listed to her music with me.

5. I like oral sex, but I won't dump a guy who doesn't enjoy it.

 

I hope this actually brings the point across, but something tells me you guys are going to just nitpick at the examples while completely missing it. Oy, vey.

[mesmerized]

You have to remember that sex is HUGE part (if not the most important one) of a relationship for Most men and some women such as myself. You say a good relationship without oral sex....that to me doesn't make any sense. A relationship simply can't be good if it doesn't include oral sex...

 

I don't want a guy to provide for me or tells me he loves me ten times a day and I don't want a sperm donor for my future child! I want a guy who just loves to eat me down there and whose penis I'm passionate about enough to want to play with all the time. Does that mean good sex is enough for a relationship? Not at all. But its the base of the relationship that just has to be there, for me anyway.

[Els]

My point was that having oral sex as a dealbreaker can't be compared to the guy being a billionaire as a dealbreaker, because most couples actually do have oral sex in their relationship.

 

Both dealbreakers are perfectly fine. The onus is on the person themselves - if a woman has 'billionaire' as a dealbreaker and she actually has no problem finding men for happy and fulfilling relationships, well, good for her. It just becomes not fine when some people assume that nobody else has a right to have different dealbreakers from themselves.

 

And yes I do have a hard time believing that a man wouldn't care if his girlfriend thought giving oral sex was disgusting, Maybe I'm wrong but unless the guy himself think it's disgusting I just can't see it.

 

If I said that "ewwww it's disgusting to give oral sex to a woman", how many women would actually accept that in a relationship? More than likely 99% of all women would end it right there.

 

And if you read back my posts I did say something to the effect that even thought you don't like getting oral, if the woman absolutley refused to do it you would probably feel dissapointed. I never said anything about never having experienced a great blowjob or anything like that... It was the mental thing that was my point.

 

And my point was that the guys who would not dump a woman over oral sex are being unfairly attacked by several posters, including yourself. You may not believe it, but plenty of men are fine with no oral. Believe me that. I had TMJ for several months of my life and had no problem with bfs. You may not have said it, but the overarching theme of the pro-BJ posts is that 'those men must dislike oral because they have never received great head'. Really, it's just naive and presumptious to assume that.

 

I say again to you, as a woman, if my bf did not enjoy oral sex I would not dump him because of that.

 

I think that is what the OP is asking, except with the genders reversed.

[Els]

You have to remember that sex is HUGE part (if not the most important one) of a relationship for Most men and some women such as myself. You say a good relationship without oral sex....that to me doesn't make any sense. A relationship simply can't be good if it doesn't include oral sex...

 

 

For the 6th time, that is perfectly fine, if you require oral sex for a good relationship for yourself. However, different people have different requirements and they are allowed to be different from yours without being attacked for it.

[mesmerized]

For the 6th time, that is perfectly fine, if you require oral sex for a good relationship for yourself. However, different people have different requirements and they are allowed to be different from yours without being attacked for it.

 

Sure, I never said otherwise. I just wanted to say that for most men, this is how it plays out. If a man (or a woman) truly doesn't care, he doesn't care, no need to attack him for it.

[Els]

Yep. My post was directed at the plethora of attacks towards the men who said they did not care.

 

Your experience may have been that most men care, but where I come from, many men are happy to even be able to experience sex before marriage, much less leave a woman because she does not enjoy oral. A BJ was not, as Elysian said, 'something most girls learn in their teens', most teen girls were virgins and oral sex was considered a bonus. I have never met a man who cited oral as a dealbreaker, personally, but then again I do tend to gravitate towards men who prioritize intellect and personality over sexual stuff.

[Els]

Fair enough. I personally would not judge a person's openness by just one sexual act, but that's your prerogative.