Feelin Frisky Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 What good is SAYING you're "sorry" if you don't SHOW that your sorry by learning and practicing the lesson from a falling out? Discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Not much good. Discussion over. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I know one thing I've been guilty of in my marriage is saying sorry without meaning it in order to end a huge fight or to close down a discussion where I sensed that in any case he will never understand my point of view and I will just have to adjust to his worldview. I've learned the hard way that this is a really bad idea so I don't do that anymore. I think I've been more prone to do it at the beginning of relationships where I've been very infatuated with someone and therefore the longing of love and acceptance have overridden the more logical side of me that would clearly identify it as a non constructive strategy. In any case, lesson learned. I've made a commitment not to repeat that. ETA: I think an important part of those sorry-conversations (when they are genuine) is to formulate an 'action plan' in terms of what are we going to do differently to avoid whatever situation we ended up in in the first place. I find that this kind of forward looking thinking also helps to move a couple out of a locked situation. Well, sometimes at least. Edited October 6, 2011 by denise_xo Link to post Share on other sites
AllieWilson Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Hi, I am married and I have one girl friend so I want to say sorry to my wife about my mistake. she really loves me. please tell me do I need to say sorry or not? so It will help my marriage relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Heart On Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I say,don't do anything you don't fully mean to do, that way an apology is unnecessary. I see saying sorry as a way of saying.......I'm too much of a coward to admit I meant to do what I did and I didn't care what you'd think then, but now that I'm caught or in trouble,I feel like I have to say I didn't mean it. Mean what you say,say what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 eh??????????? Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I say,don't do anything you don't fully mean to do, that way an apology is unnecessary. I see saying sorry as a way of saying.......I'm too much of a coward to admit I meant to do what I did and I didn't care what you'd think then, but now that I'm caught or in trouble,I feel like I have to say I didn't mean it. Mean what you say,say what you mean. So, are you saying that people never make any genuine mistakes and then realise later? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 So, are you saying that people never make any genuine mistakes and then realise later? i don't know wtf he's saying Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I don't want to hear them say sorry, I want to see change. The word 'Sorry' has no meaning to me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 What good is SAYING you're "sorry" if you don't SHOW that your sorry by learning and practicing the lesson from a falling out? Discuss. In my opinion, actions speak louder than words and sorry means nothing without following it through with actions. Its like knocking someone off a bike accidentally- you can either stand there and say sorry ten times or you can make sure they are ok, take them to hospital and replace their bicycle. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I don't want to hear them say sorry, I want to see change. The word 'Sorry' has no meaning to me at all. quite...actions speak much louder than words Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 i've always appreciated an honest, humble apology when it came to me (at the appropriate time). even if someone truly changed and applied a lesson learnt, a sincere apology shows that you're willing to openly take responsibility for something you did and swallow your pride. but the OP is right- just saying it in itself can easily come across as vapid or insincere, and i think many people just 'apologise' as an automatic response Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I say,don't do anything you don't fully mean to do, that way an apology is unnecessary. I see saying sorry as a way of saying.......I'm too much of a coward to admit I meant to do what I did and I didn't care what you'd think then, but now that I'm caught or in trouble,I feel like I have to say I didn't mean it. Mean what you say,say what you mean. So if we bump into each other in the street purely by accident, no apologies? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feelin Frisky Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 ...a sincere apology shows that you're willing to openly take responsibility for something you did and swallow your pride... Ding ding ding. We have a winner. "Responsibility" is everything. Unless a person reflects the taking of every bit of responsibility for being the precipitator of a problem, there is still a problem. There can't be an I'm sorry "BUT". There is no "but". The "but" falls to the other person to decide whether to be contrite or not. And the worst thing I've ever heard was "I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" What more do I want? I want you to BE sorry, not say it. Get down off your high horse and face it--there would be no problem whatsoever if the bad will didn't start with the one person who brought it on both. I wonder how many couples are suffering out there from this simple unwillingness to take responsibility. I bet it's millions. God bless them one and all. It's a side trip to Stupidland that just kills good spirit and leaves smoldering holes. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Frankly , I find that the "non-apologies" do more harm than good. Phrases like "Sorry YOU feel that way.........." (see how responsibility gets blames shifted back onto the injured party) (very sneaky) add insult upon...........well, insult. If a person doesn't truly feel remorse, than they shouldn't pretend to, as far as I'm concerned. Non-apologies just tick me off even more.I'd actually have more respect for a person who admits what their true attitude is, rather than trying to placate me with an insincere apology. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Sometimes we don't have sufficient information, or there is simply no choice but to cause offence to someone. Say you're driving along and a group of schoolchildren step out in front of you. You swerve and hit an old man on the footpath. An apology to the old man would not be *that* bad a thing, even though you made a choice to hurt him rather than hurt several other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Ding ding ding. We have a winner. "Responsibility" is everything. Unless a person reflects the taking of every bit of responsibility for being the precipitator of a problem, there is still a problem. There can't be an I'm sorry "BUT". There is no "but". The "but" falls to the other person to decide whether to be contrite or not. And the worst thing I've ever heard was "I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" What more do I want? I want you to BE sorry, not say it. Get down off your high horse and face it--there would be no problem whatsoever if the bad will didn't start with the one person who brought it on both. I wonder how many couples are suffering out there from this simple unwillingness to take responsibility. I bet it's millions. God bless them one and all. It's a side trip to Stupidland that just kills good spirit and leaves smoldering holes. Yep. Someone apologized to me last year, with a whole bunch of caveats added that voided the apology itself. He wasn't sorry about what actually hurt me. I told him recently, that I needed him to BE sorry, not just say the words in an effort to smooth things over. Link to post Share on other sites
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