dodgers42 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Issue: Trust. I was a bachelor for the last 5 years and although I never cheated on my ex (was with her for 5 months), I didn't let girls know that I had a girlfriend and went out with the boys like I was a single guy. Final Straw: She broke up with me after a drunken fiasco where I had more women over than guys and she ran through my text messages and at the time I liked attention from many girls. Being a Better Man: I didn't know how much I liked her till I lost her and so I devoted myself to being a better man and joining volunteer services, church and not going out with the same mentality. I was able to put my foot in her door and we started to connect with the condition that I don't pressure her on a relationship because I hurt her to much. So for 2 months, I did everything for this women and was by her side as she try to determine what was right for her. After every fun outing, the next day I would hear "We can't do this, I can never trust you, you hurt me so much that I can forgive but never forget, I can find a guy down the street that I could probably trust more than you,etc." My Last Straw: I got tired of being on the roller coaster, one day it was good and the next day I would hear that same story so I told her that I can't take this unless she believes that she can trust me again. She said she can't eventhough I have been amazing for the last 2 months. So I told her well if you can't at this point, then I can't be doing this and to ring me when she can give me a little bit of trust back. She agreed and it was very evident that she has been wanting to do this, just didn't want to enforce it because she was getting a lot of attention from me. So 8 days removed from that night, no call or text or any smoke signals. Note: During those 2 months of self improvement and showing her I was a better man, I kept an online journal about my redemption. I've noticed that she's been going to my journal webpage and looking for something to post. Question: I've implemented No Contact by letting my lady know that I have exhausted every option to show her that I'm a better man and one that she can trust, do I keep the journal going or do I make her wonder what the heck she is missing out on? The Goal for me is to hopefully have her back. Not sure if updating the journal would help because she is going to it on a daily basis or keep her wondering Thanks ERic Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Good question! From what you say it sounds like the journal is a log for her not you...clearly you have not given up hope but does she NEED to know that? My issue is with NC is that while it is used to heal etc..if the ex knows exactly what you are doing, where you are and that they can get back with you at their whim, what impotus does it provide in getting them to consider what life is like without you in it? They already KNOW your daily itinery! Also, I think NC is useful as it provides both parties the opportunity to look where things went wrong, from a safe distance and evaluate the relationship without total bias. Just my two pence worth Zabs xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thansk Zabs, Although I never detailed what I did on a daily basis in this journal, I think your right that this journal has turned in to something she can benefit from and seeing what the heck I'm up to. I guess any information that I would put in the journal devalues the No Contact effort. I was just hoping that one journal entry about me doing community service or me hanging out with family or me hanging out at her favorite spot will make her come back to me. Thoughts? I'm guessing that I shouldn't be doing that even though I know that she is checking daily. Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Exactly! You shouldn't because it is patently obvious that it is for her benefit and if I can see that and I don't know you...what will it look like to her? I went through a period of doing what you are doing ages ago...it just longs things out and creates a bigger ego boost for them. Keep your own counsel. Let she wonder.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Day 10 of NC: here's an instant message from her, my desk is on the same office building as her and I let her borrow a lock 4 weeks ago. Am I suppose to ask her how she is? etc or is she contacting me to reconcile or what was this? Ex-GF [2:58 PM]: hey Me [2:59 PM]: hello Ex-GF [2:59 PM]: I have your lock, do you mind if I set it on your desk are you here today? Me [3:02 PM]: That's fine. I don't need the lock. Telecommutting today. Ex-GF [3:02 PM]: ok sounds good Ex-GF [3:04 PM]: don't want you to think I am being mean, I just thought you might need it. how are you? Me [3:06 PM]: k. i'm fine. hope you had a better week. Ex-GF [3:07 PM]: we are being let go now, yay! I'll set it on your desk Me [3:08 PM]: i dont need it Me [3:10 PM]: thanks though Ex GF [3:20 PM]: Me [3:31 PM]: have a good weekend Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 LOL! See! WHY would it be so important for her to a) ask you about the lock and b) send half a dozen texts to ascertain your certainty about not needing the lock? SOunds like she is thinking to me...bet by the end of next week you will get another "hey..how are you?" PMSL Zabs xx Ps that just cheered me up no end lolol:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I get a drunk call from her late sat night. I pick it up and listen to her drunk and she is talking smack so i hung up. She called me hungover in the morning to apologize and I make the mistake and went over. I knew it sounded more like a booty call apology and I bit it and said what wrong could go from me getting some and maybe this will get her to start thinking more. So after a few rounds, I end up dropping her off at a bar she was going to meet her friends at. We left it as that and it was done. Today I get a text from her referencing an article I copied to my Side business http://www.altosoles.com that references this article about having sex with other girls to get over an ex that I posted 3 months ago for enjoyment to my readers and subscribers. http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/139b_dating_advice.html[/url] She somehow found it relevant today to check this side business website which she barely knows about and found that article that I posted. I rang her and told her that this article was posted in the past, etc and has no relevance on us. She didn't buy it and kept on talking about how I was a liar in the pass, etc and how I was the devil, slut, black cloud over her and that I need to move on because its not going to be with her. I ended the conversation saying, that I've done good in the past 2 months and should deserve not the pass to continue to be a tombstone over my head and to ring me when she can give me a little bit of trust back to make this work. Drama, so what happens now? Does No Contact Work on the 2nd try considering this incident? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Anybody any update? Do I stand a chance of her crawling back now that she knows about "No Contact" via the link she read that I re-posted on a side biz blog from GQ Magazine. It talks about no contact and having sex with other girls to get over her. Since there was trust issues in the past, she thinks I'm suspect of that and called me out on it on Monday. I tried to tell her its just an article, but no use convincing her while she is hot headed. I felt better last time I was on NC because I was in a better position. This time, she has more insecurities because of that article. So the question is, should I try to bring it up when she is cool headed or just leave it as is and still do No Contact? Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoul123 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) my opinion ...an article is an article period you were in NC and you broke it to give her and explanation bad bad she wanted space give it to her, woman often test us to see if we still interested and stuff .remeber you need to keep her guessing . making her curious about your life. you obviously let her know you still care about what she thinks about you. dont let anyone tell you are this and that because you know what you are it is unfair for you ....you know you can change and shes not giving you the opportinity to prove it . but no!! shes wants you to be ''mr.willing to do anything for you'' after she said she dont ever want to be with you. remebering the reasons of the break-up she gave you may hurt. but is all you gotta know. Edited October 14, 2011 by lostsoul123 Link to post Share on other sites
Farrah Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Disappearing would be best.I removed myself from Facebook. Give her a chance to miss you it will only happen if you stop pacifying and reassuring her between the lines of your love...makes sense? Issue: Trust. I was a bachelor for the last 5 years and although I never cheated on my ex (was with her for 5 months), I didn't let girls know that I had a girlfriend and went out with the boys like I was a single guy. Final Straw: She broke up with me after a drunken fiasco where I had more women over than guys and she ran through my text messages and at the time I liked attention from many girls. Being a Better Man: I didn't know how much I liked her till I lost her and so I devoted myself to being a better man and joining volunteer services, church and not going out with the same mentality. I was able to put my foot in her door and we started to connect with the condition that I don't pressure her on a relationship because I hurt her to much. So for 2 months, I did everything for this women and was by her side as she try to determine what was right for her. After every fun outing, the next day I would hear "We can't do this, I can never trust you, you hurt me so much that I can forgive but never forget, I can find a guy down the street that I could probably trust more than you,etc." My Last Straw: I got tired of being on the roller coaster, one day it was good and the next day I would hear that same story so I told her that I can't take this unless she believes that she can trust me again. She said she can't eventhough I have been amazing for the last 2 months. So I told her well if you can't at this point, then I can't be doing this and to ring me when she can give me a little bit of trust back. She agreed and it was very evident that she has been wanting to do this, just didn't want to enforce it because she was getting a lot of attention from me. So 8 days removed from that night, no call or text or any smoke signals. Note: During those 2 months of self improvement and showing her I was a better man, I kept an online journal about my redemption. I've noticed that she's been going to my journal webpage and looking for something to post. Question: I've implemented No Contact by letting my lady know that I have exhausted every option to show her that I'm a better man and one that she can trust, do I keep the journal going or do I make her wonder what the heck she is missing out on? The Goal for me is to hopefully have her back. Not sure if updating the journal would help because she is going to it on a daily basis or keep her wondering Thanks ERic Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Given that its her 32nd bday tomorrow and I don't want my ego to get ahead of myself since she broke up with me, do i send her a happy birthday text? Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Dude, I'm not sure what kinds of answers you're looking for here. No contact means no contact. No texting to say hi, no updates on how she's doing, no birthday texts, nothing. You never initiate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
RockGuy87 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hey man Im having trouble with NC also but no do not send it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 I know I shouldn't give a rat's butt about how she will take me not sending a birthday text, but how do girls typically take it. Is there a thread I could understand how they think when they don't get that text that could make me feel more comfortable with this decision? Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I know I shouldn't give a rat's butt about how she will take me not sending a birthday text, but how do girls typically take it. Is there a thread I could understand how they think when they don't get that text that could make me feel more comfortable with this decision? If you don't give a rats butt about how she will take it then DON'T send it! I was soooo close to doing the same and now am so glad I didn't. There are plenty of "girls' here that will tell you the same. Geegirl,, M2155 where are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 None of the details matter man. She made her decision and said she can't trust you so no relationship for you. You probably don't want to be her friend and to save your own pride plus self worth you shouldn't want to either on that respect. The thing that really matters here is your happiness and going NC completely and utterly will ensure that. No wishing happy birthday or none of that non-sense, if you work together then be polite that's it. If she so happens to want to take you back because of NC, super cool awesome fun times for you! She will show clear signs of wanting you back like...saying she wants you back! Anything else is to ease her guilt or boost her ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Nope.. nope.. and thrice nope! Don't do it! It will only prolong pain. It is coming up to Christmas..and you don't want to be in turmoil. At the end of the day...the article has a date...things change...so do people and so do opinions. Don't let her know yours by pandering to her. Much love Zabs xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author dodgers42 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Anything else is to ease her guilt or boost her ego. I've made my decision to not text her, now time to follow through. I'll keep you posted at the end of the day. I got to keep on reminding myself, she fired me. If I got fired from a job, do I wish them success on a job anniversary. I think not. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I've made my decision to not text her, now time to follow through. I'll keep you posted at the end of the day. I got to keep on reminding myself, she fired me. If I got fired from a job, do I wish them success on a job anniversary. I think not. Bingo! That's the way you have to look at it...and a very good analogy by the way... Link to post Share on other sites
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