unsure101 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Sorry for such a long entry, i'm new to this!!!! Thanks to anyone who reads it! I don't understand why i am so bothered about this.... I'm with my boyfriend again after a 4 month break up. In between that time we stopped talking for awhile and things were said that shouldn't have been. Also we both dated other people, but he was more serious with this other chick(so he made me believe). In the beginning i believed that we would get back together, but after a month i thought it was over. Long story short he ended up coming back to me. We started to secretly date again, but not making anything official. He cheated on that chick and picked me in the end. He never bought her anything, never was really intimate with her(he says he wasn't attracted to her at all, but she pretty much forced herself on him...), and tried not to spend a lot of time with her. He says he only dated her because he felt bad. I don't buy his story... I have never met anyone with a relationship like that! Anyways when they broke up she was still trying to talk to him, but he ignored her. There was more drama, too much to get into. So i talk to him about it and he answers all the questions about that relationship that i wanted him to, but i don't know if i can believe him. I know that he picked me and that he loves me a lot, but this chick just bothers me. I don't know why she didn't mean anything to him ,but i'm just so upset about the fact that he was with her for so long. When we broke up i just dated people nothing serious just having fun and partying! I don't understand why he cheated on her? He says he had to stay with her because it would awkward at school, but i don't buy it. The whole time he says he wanted to be with me, but didn't want to admit it. It just doesn't make sense to me. He tries to explain it to me, but i still don't believe him. Its been 5 months since we got back together, but i'm still upset about what happened. I know he wanted me the whole time, but i'm just so pissed that he dated her. This is going to sound bad and every girl says it, but everyone agrees with me, i was way better than her. I was better than her in every single way. We have a great relationship now, but in my head all i can think about him with her. I thought i was over it because he answered all my questions, but there is just something that still bothers me! I don't know what to do! I don't know how to get over it! i really want it to be over with already! I don't know whats stopping me from getting over it. He's with me and thats not going to change since we got engaged. I know i can't the past, but i know i can make the present better. Someone please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I will make it short as I have to go. I find it funny, or rather pathetic that you're trying to belittle her when she did nothing wrong. You are the the one who's worse than her and if you didn't understand what I just said, I meant she's way better than you. Not only you picked up a cheater (your bf) but you were also the OW, knowingly and secretly and lead to her being cheated on (you had an equal part so let's not pretend). "but everyone agrees with me" - Of course they do. You expected your friends to tell you two (you and your bf) are horrible? Shocking I know! And as for your questions: he was with her because he wanted. Not because he was sad or whatnot, lol; Also, he cheated on her cause he wanted you both (wasn't sure about you), clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Since you are still at school I assume you are quite young and inexperienced. You have a lot to learn about all the different types of guys. Some are nice, some are not so ince. This guy is what is technically known as a "jerk", AKA "cheating twat". If you want a relationship with him then go ahead but he has shown you what he is like, so you can't say you didn't know what you were getting into! If he cheats with you then he will cheat on you! Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 You've only been back together for 5 months and you're already engaged? Clearly this is still burning into your relationship, so I'm not sure the engagement was the smartest move. Like one of the other posters, I'm going to guess you're very young. I'm not going to rip you for being the 'other woman.' You were an accomplice in the cheating but you were not the primary person involved - that rested on him. However, that said, you keep wondering why this is playing through your head. You obsess over why he cheated on her and why he ended up treating her so badly. Why does this bother you? I suspect because you know it might be YOU next time. The other woman is going to be out there and your boyfriend's going to be waving at you as he heads out the door to meet with her. Think about this. He's telling you that he only dated her because he 'felt bad' and that he stayed with her because it would be 'awkward at school.' This is what makes me think you're both probably in high school. Do you really want to be with a guy who outright ADMITS he only dates girls because he 'feels bad'? Or that the only reason he stays in relationships that make him unhappy is because it would be 'awkward' to break-up? Either he's lying to you in an attempt to spare your feelings - which won't work either - or he's outright admitting to some very unappealing characteristics in himself. As for insulting the other girl - this is an obvious attempt to bolster your own self-esteem. She had nothing to do with you. In fact, your involvement in the cheating probably ended up hurting her. So...why are you criticizing her? Ask yourself this. It's because you want to convince yourself that you're really number one in your boyfriend's eyes, right? Because you don't trust what comes out of his mouth? He's proven what kind of person he is. Honey, so many of them will try to make you feel 'special' and will try to claim that you're NOT like all of the other women. I'm sure that's what they tell all of the other women, too. It's been 5 months (if that) since he cheated with you. Rightfully so, you're wondering when he's going to cheat ON you. At your age, and given the past history of this relationship, it's time to move on and start rebuilding your self-esteem without him. Link to post Share on other sites
allison101 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 @unsure: You seem young and maybe haven't had enough life experiences yet. We all have to go through stuff so we get a better understanding of our selfs, and the world around us. I suggest you read a favourite book of mine, Woman Vs Womaniser By JC Johnson it is a huge eye-opener - hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I'm with my boyfriend again after a 4 month break up. In between that time we stopped talking for awhile and things were said that shouldn't have been. Also we both dated other people, I don't know what to do! I don't know how to get over it! i really want it to be over with already! I don't know whats stopping me from getting over it. He's with me and thats not going to change since we got engaged. I know i can't the past, but i know i can make the present better. Someone please help me! You BOTH dated other people. Doesn't this whole thing seem a bit hypocritical? Link to post Share on other sites
kangadownunder Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 a word of advice you have to let go of the past.close that chapter and move on with the relationship.build up communication and trust,and you will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Wouldn't that be "OT" for Other Teenager? True. I gave her to much credit by calling her a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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