Bring some sanity to an madmans world! Thank you!

[Mannish_child]

Hey there Loveshack people!

 

I’ve been blessed to discover this site, it really gave me some perspective and re-assurance that there are other people with as messed up of relationships as mine.

 

Long story as short as I can make it…. I was dumped by my ex about 2 and a half years ago because despite us both being in love with each other, I was making her miserable, and in hindsight I can say that I wasn’t much happier. I made a ton of mistakes when I was with her and plenty afterwards as well. But that said, it was the first time I had met someone who I saw myself being with for most of my life, and she seemed to feel the same. We’re both 27 now….

 

We had a relapse briefly about a year after the break, which she initiated. After we slept together, she didn’t return my calls for two weeks, but when we eventually sat down and talked, she told me that she was still in love with me but that it couldn’t work. She said school was making her so busy that her relationships were ones ‘of convenience’, and there were too many differences between us… ‘we’re not best friends’.

 

I don’t blame her for not being with me, because I know somewhere inside me that it has been the right choice – it wouldn’t have lasted as it was. Despite this, whether it is the right thing to do or not, I have focused my whole life on making myself more capable to be what she seems to need. And I don’t feel like that is a mistake – I have done it for myself more than her. Everything I have done is going to benefit my next relationship no matter who it is with.

 

Since November we have been bouncing very occasional emails back and forth, perhaps 3 or 4 from each side. I always have a hard time waiting months on end to hear back from her…. But it is her personality I guess, time is really relative to her…. And she seems to need a lot of time to think. The negative side of me says that she likes to keep me hanging on edge, but I don’t really believe that. I feel like for all the b#lllsh#t I put up with, she has put up with as much. Anyway, she has written saying that she has been hesitant to talk to me because she doesn’t want to revisit the negative feelings from our relationship but she thinks about me all the time and would like to get to know me now that it is two years later because we are different people now.

 

For my own side, I have reluctantly dated several women in the last few years but all of them more sexual than resembling a full relationship. It is funny because only now am I in a position where I feel really ready to meet someone new for something meaningful. I do not know if she is single. I’m not 100% sure what to do…. So now I have some choices to make…. What do you think? I emailed her my new number at her request, but it has been about a month and I haven’t heard from her. I don’t intend to follow up, but I do expect her to call eventually. Should I run? Should I be polite and maybe try and get to know her? Should I open myself up again? Is she just curious??

 

We ran into each other at a club last summer and it went very badly – I kissed her on the cheek and she stared me down like I was 4 years old - I wrote a letter scolding her afterwards, and she wrote me back saying she was only ‘startled and surprised’ - we still haven’t talked about it. I wrote her several emails previous to that which she ignored completely, and despite all this somewhere deep inside I have held hope against hope that perhaps, maybe someday we will find that love again and be strong enough to let it grow into what it can be. Am I nuts?

[bluechocolate]

If you want to spend the rest of you life waiting for her then no, you are not nuts.

 

Clearly you are not over this girl and you're dragging this on and on and on and on. It doesn't sound to me like she's ever going to come back. If she was I'm sure she would have made a move by now.

 

You ran into each other in a club last summer and you gave her a kiss on the cheek! You gave her your number a month ago and you're still waiting for a phone call! And you don't even know if she's single! If you hadn't stated your age in your post I would have put you down as a love sick 16 year old.

 

If, as you say, she would like to get to know you better then I suggest you hurry it up or move on. But really I think you need to let this one go. Stop putting your life on hold and waiting months for a morsel of an email or a phone call. What kind of life is that?

[Mannish_child]

Hi, BC, I think you’re right. These most recent emails with her have given me the chance to resolve some issues that had been bothering me, and I should take that and move forward. It’s tempting to imagine a new opportunity, and obviously everyone carries a part of their past relationships with them… but when I hold out for something that isn’t going to happen I do it to the detriment of my own life.

 

So, the truth is blunt… but I can handle it. I understand I have to open myself up to new relationships and put her in the past. The positive side is that I am stronger and more capable as a result of my experiences and I am happy that I can apply those skills to the benefit of my next relationship. Thank you for your words of advice.