how to handle trying to go slow and let him pursue me while not looking disinterested

[aroseInLove]

Hi everyone... here I am again... Still in recovery mode from my last relationship.. and I have a friend from the past whom I've had two dates with... It started as he helped keep me from making calls to my ex in my worst of times.. he'd keep me on the phone for hours ...I knew him for years as a friend... but somehow in our conversations.. he flipped that switch... The dates we had were real nice... BUT my question is.. "Now, what?" as in.. What do I do to let this go 'slowwww'... While being totally in acceptance of his interest is a real nice feeling... something that has potential.... I always seem to 'blow it' by NOT giving the guy the 'thrill of the chase'... Guess I'm not sure how to handle trying to go slow and let him pursue me a bit.. while not looking disinterested at the same time... He says he's at great risk to be hurt here and will back off anytime I need him to.. for the sake of both of us.. so I don't want him to misread.. any ideas?...

[moimeme]

Hi, Rose

 

It is difficult to find the line between letting someone know his attentions or welcome and overdoing your attentions to him.

 

I recommend honesty. You have discussed what happened with the other guy. Tell this one that you may have trouble finding that line. Say to him what you said to us - that you don't want him to back off but, in your efforts to let him know he's wanted, you might go too far the other way and if you do, he should let you know.

 

I've ended up with a couple of fellows who needed reassurance quite a bit after having had some rather wretched relationships, so I've gotten into the habit of being very reassuring. That can bug some fellows if they aren't as much in need of reinforcement. I've said exactly as much to people so they'll know where I'm coming from and can feel free to make it known if I'm going overboard. As long as the guy knows you're not doing it out of clinginess or desperation, but rather out of a desire to make sure he's not feeling neglected or unwanted (and, yes - even men feel that way sometimes - as an aside to observers ), he should be ok with that.

 

I'm hoping that your panics when the other guy didn't contact you were because you knew deep down that he was treating you badly and not your standard operating procedure. Try to aim for a balance in your communication. Don't be the one doing all the calling and don't let him take up the whole chore of maintaing the relationship. If you're calling three times to his once, you're overdoing it. If he calls once a week, call or email him once. If he calls every other day, you could email him the days he doesn't call, if your interactions when he calls are very pleasant.