buterfly_1974 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I am going to make this short just to see if maybe I'm overreacting or if it's really nothing. He asked me to marry him last Feb. He refuses to let us tell anyone. My children know because I have no secrets from them. But nobody in his family knows and nor do his kids. I feel like he must be ashamed or something? And how long am I to remain a secret? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 You are not overreacting! To me, it doesn't sound like he wants to get married. Have you asked him why he hasn't told anyone? And how long he plans to keep this a secret? Do you have a wedding date set? Link to post Share on other sites
Author buterfly_1974 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) I have asked him several times..... he just tells me we will talk about it when he gets home. Then nothing. We had a date yes Aug 3, 2011. Yea that has come and gone. His daughter runs his life... (she is 16) and because of all the things going on with her concerning her *dislike* about sharing her father that date just came and went. I asked him in June are we doing this? Yes we are. Then in July I was like are we doing this? Yes we are. Well middle of July I just realized how are we doing this if there IS NOTHING PLANNED? So I packed up my dress, shoes, flower I had SPECIALLY made for the BIG day and his ring. I expressed to him that I am very sad that he hasn't said a word about it to anyone and I'm still sitting in limbo. His response was, " I am very sorry world's biggest procrastinator I will make it up to you I promise." So that was last month. He still has not said anything. I put his ring, my dress, my shoes, and that damn $150 flower I had made on craigslist. Because I have given up....... Edited October 7, 2011 by buterfly_1974 bad spelling Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Ummmmmmmmm hell no!! Why wouldn't he want you to tell anyone? Why the secret? This doesn't sound right. I understand he might want to take his daughters feelings into consideration, but she should by NO MEANS keep him from doing something he wants to do and that wouldn't be possible unless he doesn't want to do it. There should be no reason you are sitting around WAITING on him to make right on his word. He'll make it up to you? He didn't make you miss a hair appointment, we are talking A WEDDING here! Have you ever thought of just ending things? How long have you been together? Where did you meet him? What do your kids think? Link to post Share on other sites
Kinder-Horror Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 WHAT?! I would initially say no, he isn't ashamed or he wouldn't have asked you to MARRY him in the first place... but WHAT? 8 months is a lonnnnnnnng long, long, long (did I say long?) time to be engaged and not tell anyone. It is generally a big deal for a guy to get on one knee and ask a woman to spend her life with him. When that woman says "yes," he should want to tell people... and even if he isn't big on that... he certainly shouldn't ruin your bliss by not allowing you to tell loved ones and friends... This NEEDS to be addressed. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buterfly_1974 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 We had a wedding date set but because his daughter hasn't been very understanding of him even having me in his life the date came and went...... WE had planned on telling everyone July 4th (this summer) but again the daughter was having a really rough time with me even being around so that didn't happen. I have asked him several times what is going on he just keeps telling me he will talk to me and not to worry he loves me etc. And yes we are talking a wedding I know right!! OMGOSH..... I'm just hurt. My kids know we are engaged as I couldn't hide it from them. So the experience my kids are getting from he and I is a wonderful one but on his end with his children it's very different he won't really tell them anything.... not even that he is living with us. I feel hurt that this has been a secret for so long. And I feel hurt that to him it doesn't seem to be a big deal. I have told him that if he has changed his mind then thats fine he just needs to tell me. If we are just dating then tell me. But to keep me in limbo of where we are going in this is just sad. I feel like one big secret. Did I mention that when his kids come home he stays at his parents with them...???? So everything is a secret. I have thought about ending things. But I am trying to be patient. My kids have invested feelings. My kids have had him in their lives for some time. So I feel selfish thinking of ending things simply because we aren't married yet or he is dragging his feet on sharing that with his family. I am a big ball of confusion. We went to school together back in High School, lost touch until we found eachother again now in our 30's. We are both divorced. Have joint custody of our children. His however are 400 miles away so when they come its about every other weekend and we go down there atleast once a month. I get along wonderful with his boys. In fact we talk on a weekly basis.... so ladies what is your take on this dragging of the feet? Do you think its based soley on his daughters anger? Is he trying to keep her happy by not showing that he wants to be with me when he is with her? Link to post Share on other sites
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