6 week miscarriage alcoholic bf sobering college student falling into depression

[truelovesnightmare]

I don't know all my feelings are getting to the best of me tonight. Last month in September I found out I was pregnant. I don't know I went desperately for support and help for my bf I guess it was a breaking point for everything in all. And I told him this that I went for support. He I guess in return saw it as a wake up call. He said he never wanted to lose me. And I felt so comforted by that. I kept the whole pregnancy thing to myself. I planned to abort. I had everything set up. But I don't think I'd have actually done it. Anyway, I felt like when I miscarried it was a sacrifice for him as he was making crucial steps to sober up but I've felt like was it all worth it? When it all comes down to it. he's doing better and it's been best for him but not me. I have just gotten worst I don't know how I feel about him maybe it's leftover hormones but I keep feeling simply like it's all about him and nothing about me. Idk. If this even makes sense.