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The guy that never makes a firm date - suggestions for a good punchy comeback?

sayitasitis

By sayitasitis
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sayitasitis Established Member

sayitasitis

Posted
Posted

Back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300481/

 

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

I want a civilized but good comment (should he asks last minute) to show him that he can't do that repeatedly, that I won't stand for it, and that I won't be showing up. Ever.

 

Suggestions?

Madman81 Established Member

Madman81

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"Thanks, but I have too many other things going on to be able to drop it all at the last minute for somebody. This clearly won't work. I wish you well."

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sayitasitis Established Member

sayitasitis

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"Thanks, but I have too many other things going on to be able to drop it all at the last minute for somebody. This clearly won't work. I wish you well."

 

Now, I really want him to ask! So I can reply this. :bunny:

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sayitasitis Established Member

sayitasitis

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Hold on. Will this "drop it all at the last minute for somebody" still work if he mentioned earlier this week that we'll go out this weekend? :p

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted
Back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300481/

 

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

I want a civilized but good comment (should he asks last minute) to show him that he can't do that repeatedly, that I won't stand for it, and that I won't be showing up. Ever.

 

Suggestions?

"I have plans for the weekend. I usually make plans by Thursday night for what I'm going to do on the weekend. I wish you had talked to me sooner about this, because I really would have liked to go out with you."

vsmini Established Member

vsmini

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punchy comebacks always come off as just bitter and angry.

Always best to be calm, cool and collected and just be straight with him.

 

"I don't appreciate this same-day confirmation business because it's inconsiderate to my own schedule. I make plans to make plans, I don't make plans with the intent of having to cancel if you feel something better comes up. It's not what I'm looking for and this just doesn't work for me."

rightfield Established Member

rightfield

Posted
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Say he sends a last minute invitation and suggests a meeting place and time: "Ok, that sounds good. Let me know when you arrive and I'll decide at that time whether or not to show up."

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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sayitasitis.. the guy clearly isn't interested and neither should you be..

 

Blow this guy off.. I'll bet he already has a GF or is married.. that is how they act when in committed relationships.

vsmini Established Member

vsmini

Posted
Posted

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

I want a civilized but good comment (should he asks last minute) to show him that he can't do that repeatedly, that I won't stand for it, and that I won't be showing up. Ever.

 

Suggestions?

 

Also - the best way to show someone you won't stand for their stupid BS is to make your point known once and if it continues get the heck out. So many people think that they can just keep telling someone they won't stand for it as they repeatedly stick around subjecting themselves to it.

 

He doesn't really sound like he's someone worth thinking about. If a guy is really into you these games he is playing wouldn't exist.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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sayitasitis.. the guy clearly isn't interested and neither should you be..

 

Blow this guy off.. I'll bet he already has a GF or is married.. that is how they act when in committed relationships.

Not necessarily. Some men just don't realize that it's not polite to keep a woman hanging, and they tend to be more spontaneous. My sister's X bf was like that. He made suggestions that they see each other on the weekend, but didn't set a firm day, time and place. Then he'd call a few hours beforehand wanting her to come over, or go somewhere. She got tired of that real fast, and let him know that she already had plans for the weekend, and that he should have called sooner. Needless to say, he is now an X bf for that very reason. She didn't want someone that didn't make her a priority in his life, and that didn't show consideration for her time and schedule. Some men have to be trained as to how you expect to be treated. This guy may just need to be trained that he has to make plans a couple of days in advance.

Disenchantedly Yours Established Member

Disenchantedly Yours

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You don't need a good punchy comment. Just be honest. Tell him you've lost interest and wish him well. Stand firm in this. We teach people how to treat us. If you continue to let him be flighty and in consistant, he will think this is okay behavior. If you stand by the way you want to be treated, he will either man up or skip out. Either way, you've stood strong for yourself.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Not necessarily. Some men just don't realize that it's not polite to keep a woman hanging, and they tend to be more spontaneous.

 

This guy isn't being spontaneous.. they have not met yet..

 

There's this guy on okcupid. He would never pin down a time for a meet up. It was always up in the air. So I gave up on him and told him it doesn't matter anymore.

 

Then he out of the blue texted me to suggest a time to go out. But yet he still said we'll confirm on the day itself.

 

What's up with him?! I don't even care to meet anymore.

 

 

Back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300481/

 

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

 

You can't tell me that he is interested in dating her...

He has a negative interest let alone just a little...

 

I don't think it is training.. maybe in a relationship sure.. like your sister but on the making of the first date...

 

I say married or in a committed relationship or possibly she is being back burnered

vsmini Established Member

vsmini

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Not necessarily. Some men just don't realize that it's not polite to keep a woman hanging, and they tend to be more spontaneous. .

 

Pardon me for being a bit cold but the guy can learn his lesson on another girl that's willing to "teach" him how to treat her. I don't have the time to run a classroom. I get that to an extent we teach people how to treat us but in this case it would just be ridiculous. Any girl that is giving him the benefit of the doubt after doing this countless time just screams doormat. End of story.

 

To boot - spontaneous is a word that commitmentphobes like to call themselves by.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
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This guy isn't being spontaneous.. they have not met yet..

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can't tell me that he is interested in dating her...

He has a negative interest let alone just a little...

 

I don't think it is training.. maybe in a relationship sure.. like your sister but on the making of the first date...

 

I say married or in a committed relationship or possibly she is being back burnered

It could be any number of reasons why he does that, really. He could be married or committed and not sure when he'll be able to slip out in advance. He could be the type that doesn't like to make plans in advance, and is a more spontaneous guy. He could be just lazy, a procrastinator, or not making dating a priority in his life and just something to do on the weekend if it suits him at the time. Some single men are like that. My sister had this situation with a few men--some of whom she never had gone out with before. Some men are just not good at dating etiquette and need to be trained. Or she may be his back up plan if something better doesn't turn up beforehand. I'm guessing he's just clueless on dating etiquette.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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Find a new dude.

vsmini Established Member

vsmini

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It could be any number of reasons why he does that, really. He could be married or committed and not sure when he'll be able to slip out in advance. He could be the type that doesn't like to make plans in advance, and is a more spontaneous guy. He could be just lazy, a procrastinator, or not making dating a priority in his life and just something to do on the weekend if it suits him at the time. Some single men are like that. My sister had this situation with a few men--some of whom she never had gone out with before. Some men are just not good at dating etiquette and need to be trained. Or she may be his back up plan if something better doesn't turn up beforehand. I'm guessing he's just clueless on dating etiquette.

 

You're right - it could be a number of reasons but unless this guy has never dated before (and even then most first time daters know how to be polite), is used to girls putting up with it, is 18 years of age or younger, or has lived under a rock there is no excuse for thinking his behavior is OK.

 

I don't often buy into a guy being shy or clueless as the reasons they're inconsiderate in the dating world.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
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You're right - it could be a number of reasons but unless this guy has never dated before (and even then most first time daters know how to be polite), is used to girls putting up with it, is 18 years of age or younger, or has lived under a rock there is no excuse for thinking his behavior is OK.

 

I don't often buy into a guy being shy or clueless as the reasons they're inconsiderate in the dating world.

Some men don't realize it's inconsiderate to wait until the last minute to call. These were all middle aged men with plenty of dating experience that behaved that way. With one man whom I mentioned, he was a very nice single guy, but just didn't realize that women don't like last minute plans. I'm going with the "some men are clueless" theory, and need to be trained. If no one ever called them out on that behavior, either because they just dumped the guy without an explanation, or never went out with him because of it, or because women went along with the spontaneous dates, then guys never learn proper dating etiquette. I don't believe the last minute thing is OK. I think it's inconsiderate. But I think it's sometimes the case of not realizing the importance to women that concrete plans are made in advance. Or it could be the other reasons (already committed, or holding out for something better). Just saying, tell him he'll need to call by Thursday night, because after that time, you'll already have plans for the weekend.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
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Some men don't realize it's inconsiderate to wait until the last minute to call.

 

I disagree. A grown man knows better, and if he actually wants to see/meet a woman, he makes plans to make that happen in advance. He doesn't wait until the very moment he's in the mood.

 

By waiting until the last minute to ask/firm up plans, the message they're sending is that they think their time is MORE important than hers...as if she'll be waiting around for him all weekend.

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted
Back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300481/

 

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

I want a civilized but good comment (should he asks last minute) to show him that he can't do that repeatedly, that I won't stand for it, and that I won't be showing up. Ever.

 

Suggestions?

 

If he calls at the last minute I would say "sorry, I didn't realise we had a concrete plans in place, and so when something else came up I said yes to it. Damn. I feel really bad about that. Sorry!"

 

If you text it, you can add a little cutesy-sad :( at the end of the message. Maybe a contrite little "my bad!" too. If he's trying to play a little game here, that will really piss him off.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted
I disagree. A grown man knows better, and if he actually wants to see/meet a woman, he makes plans to make that happen in advance. He doesn't wait until the very moment he's in the mood.

 

By waiting until the last minute to ask/firm up plans, the message they're sending is that they think their time is MORE important than hers...as if she'll be waiting around for him all weekend.

I think you're giving men too much credit here. ;) Some men know better, and will make plans in advance. Some men are clueless, or inconsiderate or self absorbed, or have never been trained in proper dating etiquette.

El Brujo Established Member

El Brujo

Posted
Posted
Back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300481/

 

So the guy still hasn't made a firm date to a supposed weekend date.

 

I want a civilized but good comment (should he asks last minute) to show him that he can't do that repeatedly, that I won't stand for it, and that I won't be showing up. Ever.

 

Suggestions?

 

"It wasn't raining yet when Noah started building the ark."

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
I think you're giving men too much credit here. ;) Some men know better, and will make plans in advance. Some men are clueless, or inconsiderate or self absorbed, or have never been trained in proper dating etiquette.

 

Regardless if they're clueless or self-absorbed, they have no excuse for treating a woman poorly.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

What kind of men are you used to dating KathyM ?

 

If you have run into more than one guy that acts that way about setting times/dates for first dates then maybe you should calibrate your people picker..

 

The normal guy dating who is interested in a woman may act aloof but acting not interested and playing games isn't the way guys do it, especially when the woman is already asking to make a date.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted
Regardless if they're clueless or self-absorbed, they have no excuse for treating a woman poorly.

 

Yet women will tolerate it...or even seek such behavior...

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Posted
Yet women will tolerate it...or even seek such behavior...

 

I assure you that most women do not seek out men who have their potential dates waiting around all weekend to see if they have plans or not.

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