Apology letter in a sense.

[ThingsChange]

Hey guys, I was wanting some advice! About a year ago my ex and I broke up. I was a jerk in the relationship because I was careless and wasn't happy with my life. It made me quite mean and uncaring. I find it weird how if you let negativity enter your mind it can really change you. It's kind of scary actually, because I'm a pretty humble person who always try's to put others before myself and never want's to wrong anyone. I look back and I truly got to a phase where i didn't care if i lied, hurt peoples feelings....I am pretty mortified about that stage i went through in my life because I feel horrible about the people I did any wrong too...

 

After we broke up, I was in denial that i ever did anything wrong and it was pretty much her fault. I loved her a lot though, just couldn't get my **** together. Anyways, i bugged her for seven or so months because I was hurting even more so now than I was when I was with her...it was like x2. She actually remained quite cordial with me for many months which was kind of her. She found out I lied about something right around the time I finally started coming around and feeling my self again. She messaged me and asked if it was true, I was still kind of angry with her but said yeah I did. She hated me after that I'm pretty sure. Anyways few more months pass, she asked if i could mail her something that was hers. I said sure why not...but then just never did because in all honestly I still had feelings for this girl and felt horrible about everything I had done. I know it kind of contradicts what people should do...but i guess ignoring her requests was a way of coping...acting as if she didn't even exist....I saw her recently like a month or two ago...and she looked at me and completely cold shouldered me. Which is fine...i understand.

 

Anyways, I am going to send her stuff too her, I feel like that whole 3 years of my life I was just careless and selfish. Really lost track of my morals. I wrote up a little thing to send a long with her stuff, and i just wanted to know if it would be taken as not wanted or welcomed.

 

 

"This may seem out of left-field, but I've been an utter jerk about a lot of things. I know you dislike me for my careless behavior I've had, and that's fair. I totally did become a self-absorbed brat, and it’s an ugly phase I went through that I feel horrible for involving you in. I have enclosed, along with your stuff, the rest of that money I still owed you. I made the money order out for a little extra, because you paid for a lot of things on my behalf when I didn't have much money. I always thought that was kind of you, and I’ve been wanting to put others before myself lately. I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, just felt like doing what’s right. I showed a real lack respect and understanding, but I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. 

Hope things are cheery - take care"

[brokenheartedinaz]

I think you admitting you were wrong is a step in the right direction. She may or may not forgive you, but at least she will know that you truly are sorry and that you can acknowledge your wrong doings. Not many people even get that sense of closure, so I admire you for being man enough to step up and take responsibility for your actions.

[jyoun]

I agree it's good of you to admit where you went wrong.

 

I would personally leave out the last 2/3 of the message though, starting with the line "I have enclosed, along with..." In my recent breakup that kinda talk was considered condescending and cruel... but you know the gal's sensitivities better then I do.

 

I really wish the best of luck to you regarding this.

[karmaqueen]

I think it's good you tried. I asked my cheating lying ex to write me a letter of apology (he kept asking what he could do to make me feel better). Well, all he did was cut and paste a poem from the internet which bore no relevance to us at all.

Your letter shows you are thinking and trying.

[solobeary]

Hey guys, I was wanting some advice! About a year ago my ex and I broke up. I was a jerk in the relationship because I was careless and wasn't happy with my life. It made me quite mean and uncaring. I find it weird how if you let negativity enter your mind it can really change you. It's kind of scary actually, because I'm a pretty humble person who always try's to put others before myself and never want's to wrong anyone. I look back and I truly got to a phase where i didn't care if i lied, hurt peoples feelings....I am pretty mortified about that stage i went through in my life because I feel horrible about the people I did any wrong too...

 

After we broke up, I was in denial that i ever did anything wrong and it was pretty much her fault. I loved her a lot though, just couldn't get my **** together. Anyways, i bugged her for seven or so months because I was hurting even more so now than I was when I was with her...it was like x2. She actually remained quite cordial with me for many months which was kind of her. She found out I lied about something right around the time I finally started coming around and feeling my self again. She messaged me and asked if it was true, I was still kind of angry with her but said yeah I did. She hated me after that I'm pretty sure. Anyways few more months pass, she asked if i could mail her something that was hers. I said sure why not...but then just never did because in all honestly I still had feelings for this girl and felt horrible about everything I had done. I know it kind of contradicts what people should do...but i guess ignoring her requests was a way of coping...acting as if she didn't even exist....I saw her recently like a month or two ago...and she looked at me and completely cold shouldered me. Which is fine...i understand.

 

Anyways, I am going to send her stuff too her, I feel like that whole 3 years of my life I was just careless and selfish. Really lost track of my morals. I wrote up a little thing to send a long with her stuff, and i just wanted to know if it would be taken as not wanted or welcomed.

 

 

"This may seem out of left-field, but I've been an utter jerk about a lot of things. I know you dislike me for my careless behavior I've had, and that's fair. I totally did become a self-absorbed brat, and it’s an ugly phase I went through that I feel horrible for involving you in. I have enclosed, along with your stuff, the rest of that money I still owed you. I made the money order out for a little extra, because you paid for a lot of things on my behalf when I didn't have much money. I always thought that was kind of you, and I’ve been wanting to put others before myself lately. I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, just felt like doing what’s right. I showed a real lack respect and understanding, but I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. 

Hope things are cheery - take care"

 

 

I personally think you should definitely send the letter. It's a lovely gesture.

 

From my own experience, my ex became a monster the months leading up to the break up (cheating, criticising me, not putting in his fair share of money) and he recently gave me an apology and gave me a few things he'd taken in the break up which were originally gifts for me. I really, really appreciated the gesture. I don't want to get back together with him, but it was so comforting to know that someone I loved so much could see what he did to me was wrong, even if it was way too late.