Good looking girls have it harder?

[SpleenPoetry]

I had to think of this situation tonight:

 

A friend of mine is very beautiful (in a natural way, she doesn't wear lots of make up and she's not arrogant at all). She met her boyfriend at work. He's a very kind and nice guy, but also a bit insecure/shy. She was the one to ask him out. Now that they're in a relationship, he has told her that he had a crush on her all the time and found her very beautiful, but he never dared to ask her out because: 1) he thought she was very beautiful and because of that, he asumed she probably was in a relationship already and 2) he thought he wouldn't meet her standards because she was good looking. So he didn't even try. If she hadn't asked him out, he said, they probably wouldn't be in a relationship.

 

I'm just wondering if this happens a lot to good looking women, who are looking for a serious relationship:

 

Decent/sweet guys who are also a bit shy won't approach them because of their beauty. I think beautiful girls can get a lot of guys, but most of them aren't 'relationship material'...because the really nice and genuine ones don't have the guts to approach them or think she's already dating someone.

 

Agree or disagree? Have you noticed this happening around you? Do you know any pretty girls who get approached a lot but never by decent/nice guys? guys who are 'relationship material'? Do you know any good looking women who are single for a long time because of this?

 

I'm mainly talking about situations outside clubs/bars. I'm talking about work/college/classes etc. for example

[Jynxx]

No they don't. There are cons to being good looking, but the pros far outweigh them.

[iris219]

I'm generally considered attractive and decent, sweet guys never approach me. Good looking jerks approach me instead. Guess that's why I'm single!

[Feelin Frisky]

Sure, lots of guys cut themselves out of possible relationships by being intimidated by the beauty of the females they fancy. Who is the loser though? Her? I don't think so. It's just how it is and both lose at times. My heart isn't bleeding for any gorgeous chick who failed to throw herself at me.

[Kinder-Horror]

Saying they have it harder because of one thing is possibly a little too general. I think beautiful girls can probably be intimidating to some men (even if they are perfectly nice and sweet), and yes... there are probably many relationship potentials that just never happened because the guy was too nervous to approach the girl, but overall, I don't think these girls have it harder.

 

Like another poster said, the pros far outweigh the cons.

[USMCHokie]

In my experience, it seems like the good looking women are the ones who seem either socially inept or just plain pretentious when it comes to even starting a conversation in non-social public settings...it's like they are either dead inside or don't feel anyone is worthy of talking to them...

 

For example, I was at yoga last night and started talking to this girl who was attractive but not super good looking...she was friendly and open to conversation and laughing...she showed personality. Then I met and chatted with two others who were first timers. Again, not super attractive but friendly. However, the really attractive ones that go there just seemed like they have no soul...won't even crack a smile or join in casual conversation with anyone...just stare out into space and refuse to make eye contact with anyone...for the most part, the more average girls were more open to meeting new people.

 

So I am starting to think less that good looking women are intimidating but rather socially retarded, or they think they're princesses...not impressed, to say the least...

[ShannonMI]

In my experience, it seems like the good looking women are the ones who seem either socially inept or just plain pretentious when it comes to even starting a conversation in non-social public settings...it's like they are either dead inside or don't feel anyone is worthy of talking to them...

 

For example, I was at yoga last night and started talking to this girl who was attractive but not super good looking...she was friendly and open to conversation and laughing...she showed personality. Then I met and chatted with two others who were first timers. Again, not super attractive but friendly. However, the really attractive ones that go there just seemed like they have no soul...won't even crack a smile or join in casual conversation with anyone...just stare out into space and refuse to make eye contact with anyone...for the most part, the more average girls were more open to meeting new people.

 

So I am starting to think less that good looking women are intimidating but rather socially retarded, or they think they're princesses...not impressed, to say the least...

Wow that's a broad statement. Soulless, social retards? I'm considered a good looking girl and I'm far from soulless or socially retarded.

[SpleenPoetry]

I'm generally considered attractive and decent, sweet guys never approach me. Good looking jerks approach me instead. Guess that's why I'm single!

 

I'm wondering...the decent/sweet guys you are talking about: did you know them for a long(er) time period? Or only for a very short time?

 

For example, the friend of mine had worked together with her now boyfriend for about 1,5 years but he still didn't have the guts to make a move.

[snug.bunny]

Wow that's a broad statement. Soulless, social retards? I'm considered a good looking girl and I'm far from soulless or socially retarded.

 

Yes...

 

Pretty rude comments to make about people in general.

[FitChick]

I remember hearing Raquel Welch on TV many years ago saying that men seldom asked her out so she usually spent Saturday nights at home making scrambled eggs, watching TV.

[iris219]

In my experience, it seems like the good looking women are the ones who seem either socially inept or just plain pretentious when it comes to even starting a conversation in non-social public settings...it's like they are either dead inside or don't feel anyone is worthy of talking to them...

 

For example, I was at yoga last night and started talking to this girl who was attractive but not super good looking...she was friendly and open to conversation and laughing...she showed personality. Then I met and chatted with two others who were first timers. Again, not super attractive but friendly. However, the really attractive ones that go there just seemed like they have no soul...won't even crack a smile or join in casual conversation with anyone...just stare out into space and refuse to make eye contact with anyone...for the most part, the more average girls were more open to meeting new people.

 

So I am starting to think less that good looking women are intimidating but rather socially retarded, or they think they're princesses...not impressed, to say the least...

 

Why is it ok to say beautiful women have no personality? There would be annoyed responses if you said all average and unattractive women had terrible personalities. Do you think genes that create beauty destroy the necessary genes needed for personality and intelligence? I guess there's the learned behavior theory, but we all have such different experiences, so that doesn't really explain it.

 

I'm aware that people believe this, even though I find it very annoying and completely inaccurate. It's why I never wear makeup or jewelry to work, and I always pull my hair back. In my experience it's the opposite: attractive women work hard to prove they're more than just pretty.

[USMCHokie]

Wow that's a broad statement. Soulless, social retards? I'm considered a good looking girl and I'm far from soulless or socially retarded.

 

Perception may not be reality, but perception is certainly real...and of course it may not apply in an absolute sense, but my observations seem to suggest that better looking women tend to be less social or keep to themselves more in non-social public settings...but they do give off the appearance of social ineptness or awkwardness...or even discomfort with social situations...

[USMCHokie]

Why is it ok to say beautiful women have no personality? There would be annoyed responses if you said all average and unattractive women had terrible personalities. Do you think genes that create beauty destroy the necessary genes needed for personality and intelligence? I guess there's the learned behavior theory, but we all have such different experiences, so that doesn't really explain it.

 

I'm aware that people believe this, even though I find it very annoying and completely inaccurate. It's why I never wear makeup or jewelry to work, and I always pull my hair back. In my experience it's the opposite: attractive women work hard to prove they're more than just pretty.

 

Well I apologize for leaving out the word perception in my first post. These women create the impression that they are empty inside. Of course they may be wonderful people, but they sure don't show it...instead, they appear very cold...again, I use the word appear...

[iris219]

I'm wondering...the decent/sweet guys you are talking about: did you know them for a long(er) time period? Or only for a very short time?

 

For example, the friend of mine had worked together with her now boyfriend for about 1,5 years but he still didn't have the guts to make a move.

 

I can't recall a sweet, decent man ever asking me out. The only times (and there have been very few) I've dated nice guys is when I've made the first move.

[Kinder-Horror]

I can't recall a sweet, decent man ever asking me out. The only times (and there have been very few) I've dated nice guys is when I've made the first move.

 

Ugh. I hate that. And then guys say "women only date d-bags." No. Women like guys that have to confidence to walk up to you and ask you out. It's just unfortunate that many guys with the confidence gene (broad statement coming your way) are also douche lords.

 

I love nice guys. I also love a guy who wont ask me if it is okay to kiss me.

 

</somewhat off topic rant>

[ShannonMI]

Perception may not be reality, but perception is certainly real...and of course it may not apply in an absolute sense, but my observations seem to suggest that better looking women tend to be less social or keep to themselves more in non-social public settings...but they do give off the appearance of social ineptness or awkwardness...or even discomfort with social situations...

Hmmmmm well yoga is a exercise class that you are supposed to meditate in, am I right? You need to concentrate on certain poses? Maybe these women were just focused, not soulless. Or maybe they just weren't interested in talking to you. Ever think of that?

[Kinder-Horror]

Hmmmmm well yoga is a exercise class that you are supposed to meditate in, am I right? You need to concentrate on certain poses? Maybe these women were just focused, not soulless. Or maybe they just weren't interested in talking to you. Ever think of that?

 

I was kind of thinking the same thing. Not saying I am a super model (but I am), but I tend to go into yoga and not talk to anyone. Everyone is friendly - I am just there to do my own thing.

 

To me... there ARE a lot of pretty girls that bitches.. or have no personality. It's been a long running thought that pretty girls don't "have to develop personalities to get men like the lesser attractive girls do." I have had the fortunate experience of being friends with some drop dead gorgeous girls that not only make every guy in the room stare, but also are friendly and can hold a conversation.

 

I have also met plenty of bitchy soulless ugly people who think they are princesses too. What's their excuse?

[SpleenPoetry]

I was kind of thinking the same thing. Not saying I am a super model (but I am), but I tend to go into yoga and not talk to anyone. Everyone is friendly - I am just there to do my own thing.

 

To me... there ARE a lot of pretty girls that bitches.. or have no personality. It's been a long running thought that pretty girls don't "have to develop personalities to get men like the lesser attractive girls do." I have had the fortunate experience of being friends with some drop dead gorgeous girls that not only make every guy in the room stare, but also are friendly and can hold a conversation.

did they have a hard time to find a decent and kind boyfriend? Did decent and sweet guys approach them?

[USMCHokie]

Hmmmmm well yoga is a exercise class that you are supposed to meditate in, am I right? You need to concentrate on certain poses? Maybe these women were just focused, not soulless. Or maybe they just weren't interested in talking to you. Ever think of that?

 

No, I'm trying to learn to believe that every woman is interested in talking to me. And yoga is just an example, and of course this is not during class, but before or after. And its not just directed at me, but everyone...and I see it all the time regardless of venue.

[Kinder-Horror]

did they have a hard time to find a decent and kind boyfriend? Did decent and sweet guys approach them?

 

Absolutely. Well one has been dating the same guy on again off again for 7 years (since HS) - and when they are off, no one ever asks her out. Nearly all my guy friends have "crushes" on her. Always ask me to invite her out... always carry on a conversation with her... never make a move/ask her out. The other is single and again, always approached by cocky guys and creepers.

 

In my own experience with sweet guys (and conversing with my friends), the problem is generally that the girl has to do the asking out, the girl has to make the first move, the girl has to establish whether they are going to date exclusively, the girl has to .... everything. I may be anti-feminist, but a lot of girls like the guy to take a bit of charge in a relationship. A girl (beautiful or not) wants to feel liked by the guy... she doesn't want to feel like she is making the moves for both of them in a relationship (or lack thereof)

 

Not sure if any of that even made sense.

[TooAccepting32]

So I am starting to think less that good looking women are intimidating but rather socially retarded, or they think they're princesses...not impressed, to say the least...

 

LOL.... you're probably right for a variety of reasons... but be careful not to generalize in case you have an opportunity to know a non socially retarded beautiful woman.

 

I'm beautiful. I know people aren't supposed to say that about themselves, but I hear this all the time and at this point there would be something wrong with me if I couldn't also acknowledge it myself.

I was an ugly duckling so I suppose I had to develop some other qualities so my parents would continue to feed me

 

Yea, I find it true that it's mostly egotistical guys or guys who have nothing to lose who approach me. There have been a lot of cases where I thought a really hot, interesting guy was rejecting me, when in fact, he was assuming he didn't have a chance. There's so much pressure on guys to be initiators, and rejection can be terrifying.

Now, there's no way I'll limit myself to picking from the guys who approach. I peg a guy *I* like and go up and give him a high 5 or compliment his beard or something. They'll take it from there if they want to.... I've given the green light, and they can now pass safely through the rejection free zone. Women have no idea the power they have if they could just walk up to a guy, have a down to earth conversation, give a guy a little compliment, and take the risk of rejection themselves. It can send your dating options through the roof.

 

The problem for a lot of people is that it's an emotional risk... I mean... if I got all of my self esteem from being beautiful and desirable, then it could be a crushing threat to all that I am if I were to show interest in a man and have him reject me. In my case, sometimes it does bruise the ego a bit when he doesn't take the bait , but you know what? I don't mind making a guy feel a little bit more desirable than he felt earlier that day... even if the interest isn't mutual.

 

Long story short: Don't wait to be approached! I suggest that all women start choosing the guys THEY want to meet, and go make it happen! The guys will be happy you did too

[USMCHokie]

Or maybe they just weren't interested in talking to you. Ever think of that?

 

And this also goes to show how far we've regressed as social beings...it seems people are becoming conditioned to only interact with those they want to sleep with...and likewise, people also assume that anyone who talks to them does so only because they want to sleep with them. Truly unfortunate.

 

I wouldn't have dated any of the women I met last night, yet I still wanted to talk about a common interest. That was all. The attractive ones APPEAR to have a chip on their shoulder and put up "defenses" because they believe anyone who talks to them is trying to get them into bed.

[grkBoy]

From the "super hot" women I've known...

 

Do they get a lot of men approaching? Yes

 

Are most of these men the types who:

1. Want a solid committed monogamous RL
   
2. Are what these women want in a man
   
3. Can handle a RL, meaning they don't turn into insecure jealous psychos
   

 

Most of the time...no. We can debate on point 2, but as far as I see it, they have tons of options, so they can raise the bar.

 

Do "good men" at times think they have no shot, so they don't bother approaching? Yes

 

 

If hot women had it totally easy, then every one of them would have a perfect 10 alpha male god among men boyfriend or husband. Most super-hot women I know may have high standards, but they're still chronically single and have a hard time trusting men because too many pretend that they want a RL, when they really just want to nail her.

[AHardDaysNight]

Appearances can be deceiving.

 

Some of the nicest girls I've ever known were incredibly good looking. And some of the meanest looked like the wrong side of a horse!

 

But I agree that the good looking girls can intimidate guys. Not out of their own fault, because you can't help your genetics, but it can happen.

[TooAccepting32]

A girl (beautiful or not) wants to feel liked by the guy... she doesn't want to feel like she is making the moves for both of them in a relationship (or lack thereof)

 

yea, that makes sense. I used to feel that way, which is why I used to want them to approach. I have found that after they've been given the green light and I know they see it, it's time for them to show their interest. Giving the green light by no means says that you have to take all of the initiative from there, and I still require a guy to put in the work and to show me very clearly that he likes me (or he won't keep my interest for long lol)