Author TheDovic Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 my dad told me.. WHY SHOULD YOU LET SOMEONE DECIDE YOUR FUTURE?! .. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND DECIDE YOURSELF.. so **** the breadcrumbs ... who needs that ... really.. we are worth more than that!! ... and if they dont see it then whatever.... ahhh!! .. stupid people that think they can control us.. and leave a door open just in case.. we should close that door and then a window will open!! ... dont you think!? Very nicely put!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 I wish I could answer that question Mack! I really do! Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It is plain nd simple, they throw breadcrums because, even though they broke up with you, they are still unsure if the decision was right. Following the principle "never say never" Them wanting to be friends is something to help them heal or to keep in touch for a potential new realtionship with you. I see a potential in every gf/bf friendship to turn into a relationship, when circumstances are right or when the roads meet. It takes time of course to get over somebody so being friends at an early stage when you are emotionally instable is probably a very bad idea, it pushes your ex further away and hurts you even more,. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Having ended relationships in my time, I say I get back in contact with the other person because I like them. I just didn't gel well in a romantic relationship with them. Perhaps that's what you call breadcrumbs? If, on the other hand, you're talking about people who get very upset when they contact you yet they keep contacting you, I'd suggest they are in quite a lot of turmoil inside and probably have quite a chaotic life outside too, and they're reaching out to the most recent person who they trusted most. The question is, when do you decide and say "I can't help you" to them? If, after several months you're still doing the same dance, you clearly aren't helping them and they aren't complimenting your life either. Then it's time to end the relationship (and you have a relationship, it's just different from the one you had before). Seeing as they ended it last time, this is a good time for you to learn how to dissolve a relationship yourself. There was clearly something wrong previously for them to end it over. Now there's something wrong for you to end it over. Forget the fine details: if the overall pattern and experience feels negative, stop following the pattern. be the change you want to see. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Hi Kamila, I think you are quite lucky that ur ex is very friendly and nice. May i know why you broke up with him? and what do you feel about ur ex now? annoying? He was not into the 'commitment zone'. He was making plans on his owns, didn't want to live with me, didn't want to start a family (even though he was in his 30's). So yeah, i figured out he will never be the family type of guy and i left him. Sad to say, i was having breadcrumbs in the post break-up period and when we were dating. So what was the point for me to stay in a relationship in which got almost nothing ? It was like talking to a wall. I actually said those words to him. He shrugged it just off. I could have punched the guy in the face at the time. How i feel now ? Frustrated that i was with this guy that first was all dreamy and like the perfect guy for me, and then turned out to a lower version of himself. Sometimes i regress back to the time when were 'in love' and living in this pink illusion. Yes, he's very nice to send me messages, but sometimes i wish that he wouldn't. It makes it harder for me to forget him and to hate him. So am i more lucky to have him as an ex ?... i don't know ... Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I wish I could answer that question Mack! I really do! You can answer the question Dovic, you choose not to. Let's look at this logically for a second. You first posted on LS on the 29th of July. You have posted close to 500 times. Would you say you have moved on even one iota? Let me answer that question for you. No..You have two choices.. 1) You stay on your current path. You continue to get more bread crumbs, getting absolutely nowhere. All you will feel is sadness, frustration and false hope after false hope. If you choose this path you will stay in Limbo for another 6 months, or a year. She will have all the control, throwing the odd crumb to make sure you stay at the end of her string. The best case scenario is this. The worst case scenario is that you guys get back together when she is in this confused state. You are guarented to fail further down the line. Just a matter of when. This will leave you even more broken and devastated.. 2) You grow some balls! You explain to this girl the relationship is OVER. You explain you don't want to hear from again and if she does contact you that you will not be replying (AND YOU STICK TO THIS). This gives you the power. One of two things will happen. She comes crawling back BEGGING you for a second chance. You can then dictate the terms of how you get back together, what needs to change for the relationship to be a success going forward. She will respect you, because she had to work her ass off to get you back and will be less inclined to leave the relationship in future unless she is 110% certain that is what she wants. If she doesn't come back you can leave this limbo state you are currently in finally move on with your life. No more excuses Dovic. Grow some balls man and help yourself! Stop being the nice guy to her. While you have doormat on your head she will continue to walk all over you, with no respect for your feelings...I keep giving you the same advice and you keep ignoring it! I want to shake you or thump you. Maybe that make finally make you see sense!! Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You can answer the question Dovic, you choose not to. Let's look at this logically for a second. You first posted on LS on the 29th of July. You have posted close to 500 times. Would you say you have moved on even one iota? Let me answer that question for you. No..You have two choices.. 1) You stay on your current path. You continue to get more bread crumbs, getting absolutely nowhere. All you will feel is sadness, frustration and false hope after false hope. If you choose this path you will stay in Limbo for another 6 months, or a year. She will have all the control, throwing the odd crumb to make sure you stay at the end of her string. The best case scenario is this. The worst case scenario is that you guys get back together when she is in this confused state. You are guarented to fail further down the line. Just a matter of when. This will leave you even more broken and devastated.. 2) You grow some balls! You explain to this girl the relationship is OVER. You explain you don't want to hear from again and if she does contact you that you will not be replying (AND YOU STICK TO THIS). This gives you the power. One of two things will happen. She comes crawling back BEGGING you for a second chance. You can then dictate the terms of how you get back together, what needs to change for the relationship to be a success going forward. She will respect you, because she had to work her ass off to get you back and will be less inclined to leave the relationship in future unless she is 110% certain that is what she wants. If she doesn't come back you can leave this limbo state you are currently in finally move on with your life. No more excuses Dovic. Grow some balls man and help yourself! Stop being the nice guy to her. While you have doormat on your head she will continue to walk all over you, with no respect for your feelings...I keep giving you the same advice and you keep ignoring it! I want to shake you or thump you. Maybe that make finally make you see sense!! I need to apply this to myself too Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Dovic, I haven't read the other replies but here is my opinion. I think one of three things go through a dumpers mind after a break-up.. 1) For one reason or another they are glad it's over. They have wanted the breakup for awhile and there is a sense of relief now that the relationship is over. The probably have no interest in being friends (some do as they have completely emotionally detached). 2) You have a big fight and in the heat of the moment you break-up. After a few days reflection the Dumper realises they have made a HUGE mistake. This is one of my own personal biggest flaws (reacting without thinking in a big fight). Sometimes the dumpee forgives you when you beg them to take you back, sometimes they say enough is enough as you have pushed them too far (the dumpee will ask to be left alone). Either way Dovic (if given the opportunity) the dumper will make it VERY VERY clear that they made a mistake and they will have no problem begging for another chance. 3) The dumper will be in a confused state after the breakup. Facing the word alone sucks. They have to face what's called the 'Fear'. Many people in their 30's after a breakup/time apart will get back together and try make a relationship work, because they are afraid of being alone. They are afraid they will never meet a person like their ex. The thing is, many times their ex is actually not the right person for them. People kid themselves, I will change, my ex will change, anything to avoid this 'fear' of being alone. These relationships tend to fail in the long run. Right now your ex is in a confused state. She is not happy in her own life. When you are not happy it's impossible to be in a relationship with anybody (I wish this point would sink in with you). Not only that, when you are alone and unhappy you reach out to your safety net. A person that makes you feel safe and secure. This is what is called 'The breadcrumb'. You don't know if you want to get back with your ex. What you know is that you miss them, you turn to them because you are sad and lonely. Would she turn to you if she was out having fun with her mates, if her job was going well and was happy overall in her life? Hell no!!!The ex's that give out breadcrumbs are not happy in their own lives, but are not sure if they ever want to get back together. They will yoyo and flip/flop day to day. One minute they think they might want to get back together, the next day they are sure they made the right choice. That is why getting back with an ex who is clearly in a confused state ends up being heartbreaking 99% of the time. I have said it over and over again to you but it's just not sinking in to you mate. Explain to your ex, the relationship is over and that you cannot be friends with her and that you do not want to hear from her again. Tell her you are sorry if that is hurtful, but you have to take yourself now. I promise you mate after 2 months on her own she will figure out what she wants and you can then get out of limbo! If it turns out to be that she wants to get back together, then you can talk to her about how crucial it is she gets her own happiness back, before you to get involved again seriously. When is all this going to sink in mate? As far as #3 . Does that mean when they go back to their ex.s they wont leave breadcrumbs because they are not confused and alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Just curious. Has anyone ever been a dumper and thrown breadcrumbs to their ex? If not, any other thoughts are very welcome!!! In my situation, I wasn't strong enough to let her go completely. So I would send her some text messages here and there. I didn't realize the pain I was bringing her at the time; I do regret holding onto her long after the relationship was over. It brought her a lot of pain. But yeah, dumpers ultimately just throw breadcrumbs because they're not strong enough to let go completely. If the dumper throws breadcrumbs for any other reasons, they're just douchebags. Like I said, in my case, I was selfish and I didn't want to let her go. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Nothing good comes from it: my other jerk of an ex dumped me by text. As he "wanted to be single". Months later he contacted me asking for me back. Apologizing and saying he made a mistake. He asked to meet up with me, but never did. And then he had the nerve to tell me that I'm the nutjob! Then I find out he's seeing someone new anyway. I hope she rips his heart out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 How much of a nutjob can you be? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Bump anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
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