How do I Overcome Insecurities

[sydbarrett]

How do people overcome insecurities?

 

I want to put my faith in God, and live for God instead of worrying about things so much, but it's really hard to do this. I've always been really insecure but covered it up. Now I'm in a relationship, my insecurities are welling up, and I feel really inadequate.

 

I want to change, I want to stop worrying so much.

 

How do I do this? I spend my time trying to convince myself not to worry as much, but then I lose the 'moment' and over-analyse.

[johan]

I admire your faith, and I believe that your belief in God will make a difference in your life. But God has already given you the things you need to defeat unreasonable insecurities, just like He gave you free will. You're going to have to do the work all by yourself.

 

Insecurity is NOT bad, first of all. It is normal. It's only bad if it's messing up your relationships. If you can function with people and your relationships are working well, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

1: You may feel insecure in a relationship if you have a difficult time trusting. That is self-preservation, and that isn't automatically bad. Unless it is out of proportion to the threats you actually face. Then it's something you'll have to get a grip on if you are going to be happy with someone. It's important that you GIVE people trust, and that you don't force them to earn it first. You have to be able to understand the fact that trust is NOT the same as total assurance that you'll never be betrayed.

 

2: The main explanation for insecurity is that you don't believe others really like or love you. Your belief is probably not true. But you won't have any idea about that if you don't like or love yourself. If you're critical of yourself and have a hard time accepting some things about you, then it won't be easy for you to believe others aren't also as critical. And if you believe they are, then you probably believe that they don't love you or that they won't when they find out about your flaws. You may try to compensate for what you think your flaws are or maybe you'll just distance yourself from the people you care about. Either way, you're "editing" yourself and you're not being real. So they may not get a chance to be with the real you.

 

You can use your faith to help. God knows the true you and loves you with all your flaws. You have to learn to love yourself the same way. Try to love yourself like God loves you, or like a parent loves a child. Maybe you can try to imagine meeting yourself. This has helped me. I guarantee you would really like yourself. You'd understand the "other you" in a way no one else possibly could, better than a best friend. It's important to really visualize it. You wouldn't be nearly as critical of the "other you" as you are of the real you. You might wish for self-improvement for the "other you", because you wish for the best. It wouldn't come from criticism or rejection. If you could love the "other you" that way, you should be able to do the same for the real you.

 

One interesting side effect that I noticed is when I started to give up on my constant criticism of myself, I also became more accepting of others. I used to be very judgmental and critical. I like people a lot more now.

 

I'm just speaking from my own experience. It takes time. Don't expect perfection. Good luck.

[dudesomewhere]

what kind of insecurities though?

 

for example, I'm poor and insecure about that. I need more money. And the only way to overcome that fact is to make more money...lol. Seriously that's my only insecurity. I don't have a big penis but I'm not insecure about that, just money. Girls love the money

[faux]

Originally posted by sydbarrett

How do people overcome insecurities?

 

I want to put my faith in God, and live for God instead of worrying about things so much...

 

Live for yourself. Accept yourself and who you are by your own will alone. Putting your faith in God is not going to rid you of your insecurities. I know it may sound outlandish, but if you do not want to worry about things so much, then do not worry about things so much. Each of us can only do his or her best, and we are not in control of as much as we would like to be.