Start Dating?

[Willow]

Hello all,

 

After reading a few posts here, hopefully these helpful people can give me a few pointers about my delima too?

 

Coming from a protective family, I never went on a date during school (including college). Now that I am 29, it's very embarrassing to tell anyone that I had never dated! Consider myself plain, my friends (mix of guys 'n' gals) think I'm not bad looking and have wits & brains.

 

At school (high school or college), I turned down dates by telling consistant pursuers that I do have a long distance boyfriend or "just say no" to anyone who ask. Now that I'm in the work force and feels ready to go out & date while most of my friends are experiencing baby blues, I'm lost!

 

I feel like an extinct dinosaur in the dating scene. It's not so much trying to explain to someone you are still a virgin at 29, but it's trying to explain to someone you have never dated anyone at 29.

 

Also, besides work (mostly women & married men) and hobby clubs (the dive club I belong consist of mostly couples & married people), where can I meet Mr. Right (for date)?

 

Advices from different view points would be greatly helpful!

[Lost]

Your dilema is an interesting one. I think while it may be emberassing to talk about, it is one you eventually need to get over.

 

While i'm in my twenties also, I too give excuses to why I don't really date. I describe myself the same way you do, and like you, it's not like I don't have pursuers. Dating is just hard. It's not so much that you don't want to, it's just that it is hard to start something new. Mabey fear of resentmant, fear of rejection or you may feel inadequate. Or it could be just stepping out of your comfort zone like that. With time those feelings will fade.

 

Obviously you're ready, and you're willing to except some new advice on it all. Start out small. By going with groups of people places. (Remember that a best friend and a lover are a good combo.) Clubbing, dinners, ultimate frisbee, whatever. Explore some other hobbies. Not everyone in the world is married. (I Hope.)

 

Recently I joined an outdoor recreation group and you would not believe the single guys there. Also, I re-enrolled at the college for a random class. Which is yet another way so meet a few singles. All in all, your chances for finding mr. right are good.

 

Best of luck.

 

Hello all, After reading a few posts here, hopefully these helpful people can give me a few pointers about my delima too? Coming from a protective family, I never went on a date during school (including college). Now that I am 29, it's very embarrassing to tell anyone that I had never dated! Consider myself plain, my friends (mix of guys 'n' gals) think I'm not bad looking and have wits & brains.

 

At school (high school or college), I turned down dates by telling consistant pursuers that I do have a long distance boyfriend or "just say no" to anyone who ask. Now that I'm in the work force and feels ready to go out & date while most of my friends are experiencing baby blues, I'm lost! I feel like an extinct dinosaur in the dating scene. It's not so much trying to explain to someone you are still a virgin at 29, but it's trying to explain to someone you have never dated anyone at 29. Also, besides work (mostly women & married men) and hobby clubs (the dive club I belong consist of mostly couples & married people), where can I meet Mr. Right (for date)? Advices from different view points would be greatly helpful!

[Jenna]

Hopefully above all else- you learned a very valuable lesson. While I am sure that your parents had good intentions for keeping you from a social life- you are living proof that kids need to interact with their peers. Dating- and becoming familiar with how the opposite sex reacts to you in so important- and better learned at a younger age- when others your age are at the same experience level. All is not lost though, you are just going to have to start now- what you should have started years ago- and you can do it.

 

First of all, stop making excuses for not dating. And be honest with men that you are interested in- tell them that you lead a sheltered life- and are somewhat inexperienced in the relationship area. Some men are going to find this very interesting and possibly adorable. By giving them this information from the beginning- they will have a better understanding of where to start with you. You have missed out on so much- and someone is going to take great joy in being the one to show the world. You know, in a way- you have an advantage here that most of us didn't have in high school. Boys in school didn't know how to "spell" compassion much less practice it. The men that you are going to meet now, aren't hormone driven teenagers- they have (for the most part) learned some skills and insight into what makes a woman happy- and take pleasure in making others feel good- rather than living totally for themselves.

 

Hmmm- where to meet men. Well I guess we can rule out the possibility of your parents fixing you up- hehhehehe. If you live in a fairly good sized community- there are bound to be single's groups- check with your church, look in the yellow pages for single's groups. Maybe you have a friend who "has a friend"- but blind dates are scary sometimes. Maybe one of your friends can have a small dinner party- mixed with couples and singles- so you don't have to feel obligated to hook up with someone.

 

While clubs and bars are fun- they aren't the best place to meet a potential companion- although it can happen. For practical purposes- try to keep it out of your work place- that rarely works- and when it doesn't- you are going to be very uncomfortable having to see the person everyday.

 

Basically, get involved with your community- do volunteer work- and put yourself out there as "available and looking"- just don't plaster it on your car with a bumper sticker.

 

Good Luck- Jenna

Your dilema is an interesting one. I think while it may be emberassing to talk about, it is one you eventually need to get over. While i'm in my twenties also, I too give excuses to why I don't really date. I describe myself the same way you do, and like you, it's not like I don't have pursuers. Dating is just hard. It's not so much that you don't want to, it's just that it is hard to start something new. Mabey fear of resentmant, fear of rejection or you may feel inadequate. Or it could be just stepping out of your comfort zone like that. With time those feelings will fade. Obviously you're ready, and you're willing to except some new advice on it all. Start out small. By going with groups of people places. (Remember that a best friend and a lover are a good combo.) Clubbing, dinners, ultimate frisbee, whatever. Explore some other hobbies. Not everyone in the world is married. (I Hope.) Recently I joined an outdoor recreation group and you would not believe the single guys there. Also, I re-enrolled at the college for a random class. Which is yet another way so meet a few singles. All in all, your chances for finding mr. right are good. Best of luck.