LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It's always seemed like it's the opposite way around to me. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I don't think commitment can be divided so neatly along gender lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It's not that divided along gender lines and in many cases a man is afraid of getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I don't think commitment can be divided so neatly along gender lines. Agreed, it's another one of those one dimensional over generalisations. You only need to look around LS to see that many men want love in their lives. Also, if people are not looking for a long term relationship I think that's fine, as long as they are upfront and honest about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Agreed, it's another one of those one dimensional over generalisations. You only need to look around LS to see that many men want love in their lives. Also, if people are not looking for a long term relationship I think that's fine, as long as they are upfront and honest about it. What human being, in their right mind, is NOT looking for something long term? Who wants to be alone the rest of their life???? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What human being, in their right mind, is NOT looking for something long term? Who wants to be alone the rest of their life???? I've met a lot of men that would be perfectly happy being alone forever. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What human being, in their right mind, is NOT looking for something long term? Who wants to be alone the rest of their life???? I'm confused. On the one hand, you're saying that men are commitment phobes and on the other hand you're saying that human beings, in their right mind, should be looking for something long term. Are men not human beings? Or are they not in their right mind? Or both? I think we need some clarification here. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? All of us want love in our life but thats not the point. Usually, men hesitates when the time comes to settle down. You see, the biggest gift a man can give to a women is not flowers, choclates, jewellery etc but its his freedom. On the other hand, the biggest gift a women can give to a man is ....... You get my point. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Men, why are you such commitment-phobes? Having felt a touch of this of late, my best 'reason' is as a reaction to life experience. What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! Nothing wrong with it; loved a few and never ran away from progressing a commitment. What gives? do you not want love in your life? What gives? Certainly not the women I've been picking, so I can only look into the mirror about that. Life experience has balanced 'want' of 'love in your life' with the 'cost' of that love and it's too expensive for my taste and sanity. I've met a lot of men that would be perfectly happy being alone forever. Yeah, me too, and many of them have been married. Myself, I personify those men you've met and have been and will be quite happy being alone. Love is something which is shared, not hoovered from others. I got all the love I need right here in this soul. Should I happen to meet a non-hoover to share that love with, she won't have a commitment problem with this data point. At the company camping trip I just returned from (not my company), I was the only single male in attendance of ~40 employees. So, apparently there are plenty of data points supporting males who are not commitment phobics. I talked to three employees married over 30 years and a number over 15. Many grandchildren were in attendance, supporting the theory that the younger generations of males are not commitment-phobic. OP, maybe you should re-tune your people picker like I've been working on to cure my hoover problem. If CP's are all you're getting, you're the commonality, just like I'm the commonality in my circumstances. Mirrors are great tools. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I am very happy with somebody but if not I would gladly be single and happy. Being in a good relationship is wonderful but being in a bad one is hell. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Wait a minute---women are the ones who are commitment-phobes! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? They might not want a relationship right then, but that doesn't mean they'll always feel that way. Timing and being in the right place mentally and emotionally have a lot to do with being ready for a relationship. It is also possible they just didn't want a relationship with you, but didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Some men are commitment phobes. Not all. Try going after more than the players. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Truth is, the women in question want to party it up as long as they can. So shut up and pass me the bottle of Jack and a paper hat. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Sure, I'll pass you the bottle of Jack, and the paper hat to puke in when you get drunk and irresponsible. Link to post Share on other sites
UpDownAllAround Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? That's EXACTLY what I want. All I want is love and that committed relationship. It's girls that always seem to have the problem with ME for some reason. I'm 32 this month with no relationship to my name my whole life. And now I'm pretty much damned if I do really. Girls don't want guys like me with no experience anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Imagine what a mess it will be when all of us get too old to be independent anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Remember to add "with you" to every one of those sentences. "I'm not looking for a long-term relationship right now...WITH YOU." "I'm just having fun, not looking for anything serious...WITH YOU." Most guys just haven't found the girl of their dreams, whether she exists or not. Yes, they want love and a relationship; but not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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stillafool Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Remember to add "with you" to every one of those sentences. "I'm not looking for a long-term relationship right now...WITH YOU." "I'm just having fun, not looking for anything serious...WITH YOU." Most guys just haven't found the girl of their dreams, whether she exists or not. Yes, they want love and a relationship; but not with you. This is true. I don't think men have a problem making a commitment when they meet the woman they want to be commited to. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Remember to add "with you" to every one of those sentences. "I'm not looking for a long-term relationship right now...WITH YOU." "I'm just having fun, not looking for anything serious...WITH YOU." Most guys just haven't found the girl of their dreams, whether she exists or not. Yes, they want love and a relationship; but not with you. Good point. Many will settle down, when they end up with someone worth settling down with. Link to post Share on other sites
sillysmart Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I think men do get the rap of being the commitment phobes but apparantly many women are just as bad. Now I guess more people livng together instead of marrying? Wow what if someone walked up to you and said wow I am going to live with you so I can kind of try you out and see if I want you long term? Because I really don't want to make a mistake and I am going to kind of hold something back and oh yeah if I see things are going down hill then I can get out easier! Wow I am not sure you are worth the risk or if I can really go the long haul so this will have to do for now until I am more sure or at least I know this is more of a sure bet. But in the meantime I will have the benefits of commitment. Isn't this the basic rationale? Relationships are risky. They are an act of faith per se...they are betting it will be good! But wait it isn't always good. Oh crap I'm all attached and gosh there are kids involved I thought living together would minimize my pain, hurt, messiness of getting into a relationship..NOT! Of course men are commitment phobes! Of course women are commitment phobes. It seems people don't even understand the relationship without commitment is failed at the get go. Yeah those are those long term couples who never married and yes stories of everything going bad after marriage but that is all a reflection and different dynamics of what commitment and relationshps mean to people in the first place. Love is a risk there are no guarantees and if it doesn't work out it hurts bad and for a long time and sometimes people feel like they will never recover from the pain. And there kids pay and they feel like crap! So yeah why get into any of it? Because I guess family, love, marriage is what makes life really worth living? We are built for relationship? LIfe is worth living but it is also scary and painful. So many choose to test waters slowly and to live kind of Psuedo love? Well anyway one day I was sick and I mean coming out both ends sick and I looked like crap, felt like crap, was irritable and my husband stood there and stroked my hair. Put up with crap for over 15 years me putting kids before him. I left he screwed around quick rebound and anyway god love kids whatever I risked again because he is worth the risk! I don't think anymore about in or out I only think how to nurture what is and some days its bad for whatever reason he decides to be a total jerk. Yeah he is afraid of loving me and not loving me. I have hurt him too! People are commitment phobes because they don't want to be hurt and some just don't see the real benefits of commitment and to me that is sad! They will see the benefits of a commitment to a child only to demonstrate to children that yeah I cannot love DAddy anymore but I will always love you! I don't know why but the kids seem to have a problem believing this! The pattern just repeats itself. I know a bit off subject but anyway don't get down girl you are definitely not alone in your frustration but give the guys a break! Listen to other posters and if you are willing to take a chance on love and commitment good for you! You are not crazy! Be yourself and find someone who likes that and is willing to risk their heart on that and then don't let them down! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What gives? do you not want love in your life? I want love in my life but I want it from a variety of women -- why buy the cow when you're gettin' the milk for free? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Having felt a touch of this of late, my best 'reason' is as a reaction to life experience. Nothing wrong with it; loved a few and never ran away from progressing a commitment. What gives? Certainly not the women I've been picking, so I can only look into the mirror about that. Life experience has balanced 'want' of 'love in your life' with the 'cost' of that love and it's too expensive for my taste and sanity. Yeah, me too, and many of them have been married. Myself, I personify those men you've met and have been and will be quite happy being alone. Love is something which is shared, not hoovered from others. I got all the love I need right here in this soul. Should I happen to meet a non-hoover to share that love with, she won't have a commitment problem with this data point. At the company camping trip I just returned from (not my company), I was the only single male in attendance of ~40 employees. So, apparently there are plenty of data points supporting males who are not commitment phobics. I talked to three employees married over 30 years and a number over 15. Many grandchildren were in attendance, supporting the theory that the younger generations of males are not commitment-phobic. OP, maybe you should re-tune your people picker like I've been working on to cure my hoover problem. If CP's are all you're getting, you're the commonality, just like I'm the commonality in my circumstances. Mirrors are great tools. Good luck. Thank you for all your very heartfelt and candid advice you always give so freely around here. You help make this a very worthwhile place in which to seek advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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