Forever Learning Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Remember to add "with you" to every one of those sentences. "I'm not looking for a long-term relationship right now...WITH YOU." "I'm just having fun, not looking for anything serious...WITH YOU." Most guys just haven't found the girl of their dreams, whether she exists or not. Yes, they want love and a relationship; but not with you. I have to agree as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Heart On Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) I want love in my life but I want it from a variety of women -- why buy the cow when you're gettin' the milk for free?[/QUOTE] Gawd, I hate that saying and attitude. That mean's why commit when you can get sex without commitment. That's not love......that's casual sex and it's meaningless instant gratification. And it's all good as long as the women you are doing,know all they are good for to you is sex.If not,then you come off as a commitment phobic player with issues with intimacy. Edited October 10, 2011 by Heart On Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I am a happily married man so I know this sounds funny coming from me but let's ask a question. Would you buy a product that failed half the time Would you invest in a kind of business that failed half the time Most people would say hell no but yet they want to invest in marriage which fails half of the time. I wouldn't trade my happy marriage for the world but people have some very good reasons for why they don't want to commit. Link to post Share on other sites
Heart On Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Who said anything about commitment being the same as marriage? I was married for 24 years....I hated it. I won't do it again...but I certainly won't just f*ck my way thru the rest of my life and not be exclusive with someone to avoid loving loving them. That's what commitment phobia is about. I am happily unmarried and committed to the man I am with now and have been for 3 years. No pressure to stay,no reason to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 OP, if you're still reading, what do you define a 'serious relationship' as? I ask because I have been in what I felt were 'serious relationships', meaning we expressed our love to each other, were apparently monogamous sexually and presented to the world as BF/GF and those relationships paled in comparison to the realities of being in a committed M. For a man, proposing marriage is a huge step in announcing his commitment to a lady. How do you feel about that? Have times changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 OP, if you're still reading, what do you define a 'serious relationship' as? I ask because I have been in what I felt were 'serious relationships', meaning we expressed our love to each other, were apparently monogamous sexually and presented to the world as BF/GF and those relationships paled in comparison to the realities of being in a committed M. For a man, proposing marriage is a huge step in announcing his commitment to a lady. How do you feel about that? Have times changed? I don't believe in sex before marriage. I believe in courting. A man comes to my house, takes me out, we "court" for a long time, then he proposes. Only after I walk down the aisle will anything sexual happen. "Serious relationship" means just that. A serious relationship. meaning, marriage. I would need a man to take that huge step to prove he loves me. Only then will I give him anything physical. I don't even believe in kissing before marriage. Holding hands, maybe, but kissing is just crossing the line. I'm a Christian, so.... I want a Christian relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Thanks for that clarification. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I've even thought of asking my parents to buy me a promise ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I don't believe in sex before marriage. I believe in courting. A man comes to my house, takes me out, we "court" for a long time, then he proposes. Only after I walk down the aisle will anything sexual happen. "Serious relationship" means just that. A serious relationship. meaning, marriage. I would need a man to take that huge step to prove he loves me. Only then will I give him anything physical. I don't even believe in kissing before marriage. Holding hands, maybe, but kissing is just crossing the line. I'm a Christian, so.... I want a Christian relationship. men want to be in relationships, but they jkust dont want to be in relationships with YOU. Once you tell guys (that arent on the same page as you) that you wont have sex till marriage, then they run, and they should. So go to church and find your no-sex-till-marriage men there. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I don't even go to church, and I'm not religious... so I don't have to use that as a crutch. If a woman just wants sex with the illusion of love, there are plenty of guys willing to give it to her. But if she wants love before sex, she can get off her butt and start looking for men like me. I know that some guys who are reading this post only want sex for their own selfish pleasure, but please try to understand that there are different points of view besides yours in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I am a happily married man so I know this sounds funny coming from me but let's ask a question. Would you buy a product that failed half the time Would you invest in a kind of business that failed half the time Most people would say hell no but yet they want to invest in marriage which fails half of the time. I wouldn't trade my happy marriage for the world but people have some very good reasons for why they don't want to commit. Actually I fail everyday and I make great accomplishments, the question is, does one dwell on the failure or learn from it? THe failure would be to NOT learn and gain some wisdom . So Lets squash that concept that "statistically" all marriages have a 50% of failure. Each relationship has a 100% of giving it a try and holding on for dear life when the tides change...and they do. No one walks into a relationship with the concept,,,,gee not sure I want to be with you because statistically we will fail. I think to be fair to the genders, Guys are more cautious/reasonable and therefore viewed as commitment phobic, and girls are rush in and get the fires going....then forget how to keep the ambers bright....They forget it takes a concerted effort consistently....Yes the "players" who spoke here are text book phobics. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I don't believe in sex before marriage. I believe in courting. A man comes to my house, takes me out, we "court" for a long time, then he proposes. Only after I walk down the aisle will anything sexual happen. "Serious relationship" means just that. A serious relationship. meaning, marriage. I would need a man to take that huge step to prove he loves me. Only then will I give him anything physical. I don't even believe in kissing before marriage. Holding hands, maybe, but kissing is just crossing the line. I'm a Christian, so.... I want a Christian relationship. Nothing wrong with those values. Of course, they're shooting you in the foot in a big way because.. a) Your average, modern man has come to expect that "sex" is part of a healthy, adult relationship. If you're refusing to even kiss before getting married.. that's a leap that the majority of men simply aren't going to be willing to take. b) You'd have to be something amazing, because that girl standing right next to you, who's just as attractive and doesn't mind a little "sex before marriage" is looking pretty good right now... I'm not judging your values. I'm just suggesting that a large chunk of society aren't sharing those values any more. They're putting you at a disadvantage. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? Hey, LynnieBear. I am looking forward to the day I have that long-term relationship again. It's what I want and need. But I need to sort out a few of my own life details first. And of course, the right person must come along too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I'm glad that you are true to your own beliefs and that you are ready to stand by your values, which are obviously very important to you. I am sure you realize that the values you have are not common, though. Guys who say things like "I'm just looking for fun" (I'm assuming that they mean fun sex) are clearly not even close to being a type of guy who would be appropriate for you. You need to date guys with the same value system as you have, which probably have to be found in your own church. Guys with the same values as you have are NOT just looking for fun. If they do not choose you to be their partner, it does not signify that they are commitment phobes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 But I don't want to go to church to find that guy. That guy should be everywhere. That's the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I don't even believe in kissing before marriage. Holding hands, maybe, but kissing is just crossing the line. I'm a Christian, so.... I want a Christian relationship. LynnieBear, there are plenty of good, moral-abiding Christians who allow kissing (but not sex) before marriage. You could look at things like holding hands and kissing as signs of affection. What about hugging? This is not meant to be a "judgement" against you. I'm just curious as to why you insist on being strict about this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Actually I fail everyday and I make great accomplishments, the question is, does one dwell on the failure or learn from it? THe failure would be to NOT learn and gain some wisdom . So Lets squash that concept that "statistically" all marriages have a 50% of failure. Each relationship has a 100% of giving it a try and holding on for dear life when the tides change...and they do. No one walks into a relationship with the concept,,,,gee not sure I want to be with you because statistically we will fail. I think to be fair to the genders, Guys are more cautious/reasonable and therefore viewed as commitment phobic, and girls are rush in and get the fires going....then forget how to keep the ambers bright....They forget it takes a concerted effort consistently....Yes the "players" who spoke here are text book phobics. I agree with you. I love being with my wife but I bet if I never found her and was a single man I would probably never want to get married. Just looking at what happens to many marriages and even committed relationships these days is enough to make a person scared to ever take a chance. I think that men for the most part just have a more pragmatic view of relationships. Committed relationships are not something that should entered and exited at the drop of a dime like it is no big deal. A person should make sure they are really ready to commit for the long haul before they make that leap. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 But I don't want to go to church to find that guy. That guy should be everywhere. That's the problem. OP, you can wish all you want that all men should be the way you want them to be. But reality is that they're not, and that's unlikely to change in your lifetime. As others have suggested, I think you need to seek out men with compatible values in places where they are likely to be. People come in all kinds of shapes and colours and we just can't expect all men or all women to fit into the pattern WE want them to be. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Should. What a pointless word. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 OP, you can wish all you want that all men should be the way you want them to be. But reality is that they're not, and that's unlikely to change in your lifetime. As others have suggested, I think you need to seek out men with compatible values in places where they are likely to be. People come in all kinds of shapes and colours and we just can't expect all men or all women to fit into the pattern WE want them to be. I agree with Denise in this, Lynnie. The type of man you want is likely to be in Christian groups. Not 100%, but highly likely. My roommate is Christian, so therefore I know some of her friends, guys and girls, who believe the way you do. I'm not so sure about the kissing part...but my roomie once showed me wedding photos of a friend of hers who got married and she said, "This was supposedly their first kiss." And she got this dreamy look in her eyes so...evidently some men do wait. But once again, they are a SIGNIFICANT MINORITY. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I agree with Denise in this, Lynnie. The type of man you want is likely to be in Christian groups. Not 100%, but highly likely. My roommate is Christian, so therefore I know some of her friends, guys and girls, who believe the way you do. I'm not so sure about the kissing part...but my roomie once showed me wedding photos of a friend of hers who got married and she said, "This was supposedly their first kiss." And she got this dreamy look in her eyes so...evidently some men do wait. But once again, they are a SIGNIFICANT MINORITY. Good luck! Oh, yes, people with those beliefs exist! I remember watching a Duggar episode (that family with 19 kids), and they believe in no kissing. Their oldest son was "courting" a girl that he eventually married, and I remember seeing so much hand porn it was unbelievable. (Hand porn: constant rubbing, caressing, touching, intertwined hands). It's not common, though, so yeah, Christian churches are probably the best place to meet men with those views on relationships and sex. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 But I don't want to go to church to find that guy. That guy should be everywhere. That's the problem. What's wrong with the guys at your church? Aren't they good enough? It is rather unrealistic in this day and age to expect to find a large number of young, goodlooking guys who want to wait until marriage to have sex or even get a kiss. It would seem more realistic to date where you know people of like mind as yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 What is so wrong with love? I hear that men will have sex with any girl, but when it comes to loving a girl and getting into a relationship, they run in the other direction! I have met quite a few guys that I would have gotten into a serious relationship with, only to hear, "I just want to have fun" or "i'm just looking for something right now". What gives? do you not want love in your life? Sure we do. But most of the time we don't want the baggage that comes with it. More specifically the worrying if there is going to be drama, which there always almost is, or that we get married, wife screws another guy, then takes a huge chunk out of our retirements, or worse, we have kids with them only to have to pay for the privilege of not being with them on a daily basis. I believe in love, but I'll never get married ever again. Hell, read this whole board. there is enough here to scare the hell out of a guy thinking about getting married, and women too for that matter. And I now have love in my life. My kids. Don't need a woman for that. I'll date around, and who knows, maybe I'll fall in love again, but I will NOT get married. And anyone I date will know this right up front. Link to post Share on other sites
Cosausuariev Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 lampy Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 But I don't want to go to church to find that guy. That guy should be everywhere. That's the problem. Whats wrong with the guys at church? Link to post Share on other sites
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