Dblock10 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Really don't know what is wrong with me. but basically you know how nc is a way to help you move on, well i feel as though i am stuck and yet fighting to stay in NC at all costs just because i feel its necessary or it could screw up future contact or reconciliation further down the line. reason is, is because the way it got left was, we where going to keep each other updated with our lives (her words) yeah you could say she was sparing my feelings. but i just dont think this girl was the type to lie... and that she wanted to end it on good terms for the future hence meeting me in person even though she didn't want to stay together... or she was too nice and couldn't say no (on reflection she didnt realllly want to see me that day but i needed to speak to her) yet after this discussion i have only heard from her twice. both occasions were because i initiated the contact. first time, was 7 weeks after BU in person. i said hello. mentioned how it had been ages since i have heard from her. she apologised, telling me she had been super busy. and she didnt know about my nan passing away. (she passed away 1 week after i had seen her) she knew when i was leaving hers that i was off to the hospital to say goodbye. then the other time was 3 weeks or so after this, the day before she left to go travel for 6 months, i txt her to have a great time, goodbye, and take care. she replied the next morning probably before she boarded the flight. saying thanks have fun at uni since then, its been 2-3 weeks and she has been on face book chat about 6 times, roughly around 10-11 at night. and now its been about a week since she has been online at all. so yeah. i feel sad and down about this whole situation. im finding it hard to think or get in the mind set that she has gone, she isnt coming back, she lied to me, and she really is selfish and self centred as a person who fed me some self serving excuses to make herself feel better. whilst i get left with hope and broken. keep dreaming about her to. and that really doesnt help. Edited October 9, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
fallenheart Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 As far as you know she never cheated on you. So how is she a selfish liar? She basically tried to end things on good terms but you are proving that you are incapable of handling that. When one person is in love with another, there can be no friendship. She knew that. She broke up with you in as straight-forward and painless way as possible really. Believe me, I've been through a lot worse and a lot of people here have been lied to and cheated on and treated like garbage. Maybe she was too nice to you. Maybe you SHOULD contact her one last time and tell her to be brutally honest. Tell her how you still love her and you're waiting patiently for her to return to you. Then she will tell you in NO uncertain terms that the relationship is OVER. It's BEEN over. You have NO future together. She doesn't love you. She doesn't want to be friends with you. And she never wants to talk to you or see you ever again. Do you want to hear her say that? It would hurt like hell, but would you believe her if she said it? Call her up....maybe it would make things feel final. The truth is...she's not even part of the equation anymore. ALL the misery you feel: you're doing it to yourself!! This is all about YOU man. Not her...not what she said or did. This is your inability to accept that she broke up with you. Stop trying to think she's gonna "fix" it somehow...she isn't. Not her job anymore. She's a stranger now. If you ever want to feel better, and I don't think you do, really....you have to do it on your own. You have to decide. But something tells me you wanna wallow in misery for a lot longer....somehow this pain defines you. If you ever do hit rock bottom and decide to claw your way out, it has to be YOUR decision and YOUR actions that do it...nobody else's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I guess thats true. and it is my problem of trying to handle the rejection. I know this isn't the worst case break up or relationship issue on these boards. not by a long shot. i know i cannot control her or anyone else, but i feel responsible for her not wanting me. i basically initiated the break up under false pretences and just assumed she didn't want it any longer. she obviously read this that i totally didn't want to be in it any longer, maybe thought i wouldn't stick around and wait for her so she bailed. by the time i got to see her in person to explain everything, and how i wanted it to work and didn't want it to come between us, she was dead set and happy on wiping the slate clean and moving on with her life now. a friend of mine said she would respect me more for not clinging onto her whilst she goes off and that way i wouldn't struggle or be paranoid about what she was up to. and at one point she mentioned she didnt want to know or worry what i was up to. as she would find it hard seeing photos of me with other girls, even though she trusted me etc she said it would still be in her mind... :S but at the bu and all along she knew and understood that i would be faithful and loyal to her and i would never cheat, she said that wasnt the problem. the problem was not being able to see each other for that long and that she was unsure of her future after the travels. meaning if i waited for her, she could return then go off and do something else and it wouldnt be fair on me. so it wasnt practical to stay together now. I was worried that if she didn't fight to stay in the relationship or tell me she loved me when i told her i had fallen for her (she said she really likes me), that it would never survive the distance and time apart. and i didn't want for us to drift apart whilst she was away. but now iv'e totally lost her. course i dont want her to say all that. i dont think she would. but maybe i need to hear it. or be stronger and keep it casual and hope things might work out once she is back or what ever... so in a way i still dont believe she broke up with me, although in a round a bout way she did :S Edited October 9, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Tbh, she would have broken up with you anyway, whether it had been before her trip or when she was on it. The fact you think you were responsible is irrelevant: you weren't responsible at all. If she really wanted to be with you long term, then she would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Tbh, she would have broken up with you anyway, whether it had been before her trip or when she was on it. The fact you think you were responsible is irrelevant: you weren't responsible at all. If she really wanted to be with you long term, then she would be. your probably right. probably would have come to an end sooner or later anyway given the circumstances. guess if she did, she would have been with me and fought harder or at all tbh... Link to post Share on other sites
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