Sagus Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Hello Everyone! New to the boards, and I've been finding great information! I'm having a problem, and will try to be brief: I got married to my first wife (Coby) back in 98. She was everything I ever wanted...phenomenally beautiful, intelligent, funloving, sexy...you name it, she had it all...I practically worshipped this woman (my pet name for her was "goddess". When she walked in a room, she commanded everyone's attention. The women were instantly jealous, yet wanted to be near her, and the men were instantly smitten. For the first year, we had a storybook marriage. Suddenly, and completely without warning, she had a one night stand. She told me about it, we cried, and we worked to get past it. Before too long, we were back where we had been, with me believing that i was with my soulmate. After another year, she comes to me and says she wants to seperate for a week. We did, and when the week was over, she admitted to another 1-nighter 6 months previous, and another two nights before! I was devastated. When she told me she wanted to divorce, I was so in love with her, I actually said that I could live with her cheating if she'd just stay with me! (Told her that after I tried to kill myself and was in the hospital) That was in 2000. Now, I've moved back home (I live in Indiana, and last i heard, she lives in Florida, and we haven't talked since that day in '00), am starting a great career as a cop, and have remarried. My new wife, Amber, is very religious (like me), and, while she's a bit immature, we have the beginnings of a great marriage. Yes, I know that I was not the perfect husband. I didn't make enough money, and I spent too much time on my computer (gaming). But I didn't drink, didn't cheat, and if anything, I tried to spend too much time around her. At times since then, I've gotten depressed and have done a search or two for her (no, not stalking or crap like that...just got her phone number). I found out that she has remarried (her 3rd marriage), and that just about killed me all over again. I've never called her, but have been tempted at times. My problem: I think about Coby constantly. Not a single day goes by that I don't dwell on her at length...heck, usually an hour can't go by. I'm not depressed, and consider myself to usually be in a good mood. But I can't get her out of my mind. After over 3 years, It hasn't gotten the slightest bit better. At work, I think about her. Asleep, I dream about her. No-matter what I try, I cannot rid my mind of this woman. I try to think of the bad times, and the wrongs that were done to me, but I constantly come back to her laugh, her smile, and everything good about her. I've gone to my mother before, who's, in my mind, saintly in nature, and the best mother the world has ever seen. Even she says that she still thinks about my ex alot. She says Coby just had something special about her that drew people to her, and we'll never get over losing her. I can't take it anymore! I want to devote myself totally to my new wife, but my ex just won't get out of my thoughts!! HELP!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jacksin Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Brother you really need help. From trying to kill yourself because your first wife couldnt stop screwing other men to being remarried to someone 'really religious like me' that in the same sentence you cruelly describe as a bit immature. If anyone is immature it is you and you will want to grow up pretty quickly sunshine and practice those christian ethics of yours, because you are cheating on your new wife, not physically but constantly mentally. I wonder if she knows what a loser she is married to, thank god you dont have kids yet. Your rather silly 'saintly mother' is compounding the problem by saying what she does about your cheating sleep-around former wife. I suggest you get some serious professional help before you try to kill yourself again. Jack Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Definately seek professional help. Your ex-wife ain't worth jack sh**. Oooh, a magnetic personality and with the pedestal you and others put her on, no wonder she treats you like the lowly serfs. Beauty is skin deep, but she's ugly to the bone. Link to post Share on other sites
virginia70065 Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Originally posted by Fritz Definately seek professional help. Your ex-wife ain't worth jack sh**. Oooh, a magnetic personality and with the pedestal you and others put her on, no wonder she treats you like the lowly serfs. Beauty is skin deep, but she's ugly to the bone. I could NOT have said it better myself. How can you lower yourself to remember someone who CHEATED on you-- had SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN, totally forgetting your "love" for her (or is it OBSESSION?) Heck, stop thinking about Coby. Leave your religious, immature wife and go to back to this wonderful gem of a wife. Find her. Let her know how you're feeling. See what her reaction will be--hey, maybe she'll say "YES! I still love you too, even though I haven't bothered to contact you in 4 years!" Then you live happily ever after. While you wait for the other shoe to drop. While you wait for another "confession" of the heart. Then you can work through it again, get past it again, and just keep the cycle up. I'm sure with her great looks and 'magnetic personality' she has a whole line of suckers lined up. I've known a lot of beautiful, amazing women (and men) like that: "Oh, Daddy! I did a bad thing! Do you forgive me?" with big doe eyes blinking up at you. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Originally posted by Jacksin Brother you really need help. From trying to kill yourself because your first wife couldnt stop screwing other men to being remarried to someone 'really religious like me' that in the same sentence you cruelly describe as a bit immature. If anyone is immature it is you and you will want to grow up pretty quickly sunshine and practice those christian ethics of yours, because you are cheating on your new wife, not physically but constantly mentally. I wonder if she knows what a loser she is married to, thank god you dont have kids yet. Your rather silly 'saintly mother' is compounding the problem by saying what she does about your cheating sleep-around former wife. I suggest you get some serious professional help before you try to kill yourself again. Jack IMO, that was pretty mean to call him a "loser" and his mother "rather silly 'saintly mother". He is not a loser, and posted a thread to get help from us. Sagus, My mother has always told me that "feelings are never wrong, they just are". Acting on those feelings are wrong, and maybe some counceling to help you to get over your ex wife. I too was married before and divorce (m@19, d@21) I have a wonderful husband now and am very happy with my marriage, we have one child together.It took me a long time to get over my ex husband. I still think about him sometime, but there are no feelings, or longing to be with him. I realized a long time ago that once things are not the same, ( in a bad way) there is no point to dwell, as for me, I have realized that what I wanted in that marriage was not possible with the kind of man he was/is. My husband and I are currently friends with my ex AND his wife, and I still see the same bullsh*t he pulls unfortunately with her (my friend that I really respect). Concentrate on building your current marriage, and give your current wife the chance. Try not to compare the two, as everyone is their own unique individual. I do still have dreams about my ex (nothing sexual, infact I don't even know WHY I do sometimes) but in all the dreams he is trying to be my friend (which is weird because we are friends, but he and my husband are way more friends than me and my ex, as I am good friends with his wife) So, what I am trying to say is that I do know where you are comming from, but in the same token your ex did a horrible thing, and I am surprised you don't think more ill toward her, as she could of given you STDs or even HIV, and luckily you didn't contract it . Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 If you never got over Coby, why in the world did you remarry? Have you ever thought about how it would feel if Amber was constantly thinking of another man, dreaming about him, and wishing she were with him and not you? I feel so sorry for your wife. She is giving her love and her life to you and you are pining for a serial cheater. That specialness that Coby had is called being a player. Players are charming and can make you believe whatever they want. You would have had a life of misery, yet you want her that much more. I agree with the others, get help. It would probably be best to let your wife go so she can find someone that truely loves her and will think about her like you do your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Jacksin Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Oh I think, Supermom, calling this bloke a loser would be perhaps understating the obvious. A serial cheater a dreamer who runs home to his mommy who says "yes, you may never get over your first wife" What type of mother would your call that?? Certainly not 'saintly' because all she is doing is adding to the losers problems. He says he wants "his ex to get out of his thoughts" sunshine grow up and PUT her out of your thoughts I call it as I see it Jack Link to post Share on other sites
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