Shtubes Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Break up was somewhat mutual, but for arguments sake I will call myself the dumpee since after the break up, I wanted her back and she would not. So....dumpee wants to move on and is almost there after 6 weeks. However dumper contacted the dumpee saying she misses him. Now the dumpee is very confused. He knows he should move on but, wants to try and see if dumper can do and say the right things. As the dumpee it is not my responsibility to get them to take me back, it is their responsibilty to get me back correct? Dumper emailed dumpee this morning wanting to know "when will I c u again"? What to do??? Link to post Share on other sites
nini Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Break up was somewhat mutual, but for arguments sake I will call myself the dumpee since after the break up, I wanted her back and she would not. So....dumpee wants to move on and is almost there after 6 weeks. However dumper contacted the dumpee saying she misses him. Now the dumpee is very confused. He knows he should move on but, wants to try and see if dumper can do and say the right things. As the dumpee it is not my responsibility to get them to take me back, it is their responsibilty to get me back correct? Dumper emailed dumpee this morning wanting to know "when will I c u again"? What to do??? Dont know if today is the dumpers come back begging day or something, my ex cried and begged and pleaded for 4 hours! I feel sooo drained and soooo confused coz he's unhappy, I feel guilty!! I'd started to move on and was doing ok...we ended the conversation with him telling me 'I'll wait as long as it takes and never be with anybody again'. So bloody confusing!!! I dont want him to be sad and alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shtubes Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Dont know if today is the dumpers come back begging day or something, my ex cried and begged and pleaded for 4 hours! I feel sooo drained and soooo confused coz he's unhappy, I feel guilty!! I'd started to move on and was doing ok...we ended the conversation with him telling me 'I'll wait as long as it takes and never be with anybody again'. So bloody confusing!!! I dont want him to be sad and alone! You've got to do what is right for YOU not him. Of course you feel guilty. That was his intention, to play on your emotions and your softer forgiving side. Did he feel guilty when he dumped you? So, you held out for 4 hrs? And you didn't give him a definitive answer? That's impressive. I think you know the answer as well as I do. Link to post Share on other sites
nini Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) You've got to do what is right for YOU not him. Of course you feel guilty. That was his intention, to play on your emotions and your softer forgiving side. Did he feel guilty when he dumped you? So, you held out for 4 hrs? And you didn't give him a definitive answer? That's impressive. I think you know the answer as well as I do. Nah I told him I've moved on, and that am sorry. But then he kept going on about how he's a failure and maybe its a good thing for me to get rid off him coz he's a failure and how everything in his life is going wrong. It was sooooo draining. But i stuck to my decision and said no and wished him well. He just kept going on about how he's made a mistake and guess its right that he has to live with it etc. Edited October 9, 2011 by nini typo Link to post Share on other sites
jackjoynr Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It really must be something in the water because my dumper (ex-boyfriend) asked for a "fresh start" last week and said that he still thinks he can marry me, blah blah. I told him that I didn't want to start "fresh." (this will be the 2nd time we've broken up - first time mutual, 2nd time he dumped me) Though I do miss him something terrible.. I'm just tired of having my heart played with. It hurts too much. THEY made the decision to let US go. Now the light bulb has turned on in their heads & they realize they made a mistake but too late. Why do they do this to us? Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheartedinaz Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Man what I would give to have my ex call me and tell me he made a mistake. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shtubes Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 It really must be something in the water because my dumper (ex-boyfriend) asked for a "fresh start" last week and said that he still thinks he can marry me, blah blah. I told him that I didn't want to start "fresh." (this will be the 2nd time we've broken up - first time mutual, 2nd time he dumped me) Though I do miss him something terrible.. I'm just tired of having my heart played with. It hurts too much. THEY made the decision to let US go. Now the light bulb has turned on in their heads & they realize they made a mistake but too late. Why do they do this to us? I know what you mean about it hurting too much. I didn't want to break up at all. But she had given me the silent treatment for 3 days! And I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FOR! How's that for crappy... I had to build a bridge back to her (when I was feeling like **** and I felt it was her place to). And she had been doing different hurtful things for a good two months. The silent treatment for an imagined infraction was just the last straw. They do it because they are not right... not many are. I'll be the first to admit that I've got baggage too but, come on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shtubes Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Nah I told him I've moved on, and that am sorry. But then he kept going on about how he's a failure and maybe its a good thing for me to get rid off him coz he's a failure and how everything in his life is going wrong. It was sooooo draining. But i stuck to my decision and said no and wished him well. He just kept going on about how he's made a mistake and guess its right that he has to live with it etc. How long had you guys been broken up? If he dumped you, you (at one point) did not want the break up and you still wanted him. Why are you sticking to your decision? Did you see that you had no future with him and if he hadn't broken up, you probably would have??? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I think Lilly Allen says it all: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lilyallen/smile.html Link to post Share on other sites
nini Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) How long had you guys been broken up? If he dumped you, you (at one point) did not want the break up and you still wanted him. Why are you sticking to your decision? Did you see that you had no future with him and if he hadn't broken up, you probably would have??? We moved in together in April, and fighting loads (usually started by me so of my insecurities etc.), but they would always end with him being very abusive verbally, and then we had a massive row and he said he didnt love me anymore...this was mid-june i think...and I was living in his house...I begged and begged and cried and pleaded for weeks until i moved out on 20th august...during that time, he said he didnt love me about 100 times, i so badly wanted to make up, i cried to sleep every night (I slept on the bed, him on sofa), i read his texts to his mum saying he is so stressed coz he cant get rid of me, heard him telling his mum he thought i was selfish etc...I had to get my exams deferred coz I was such a wreck...you can see my previous threads. I moved out on 20th August, been seeing a counsellor every week, and went NC to heal. Reason I wouldnt take him back: 1) i dont want to driven by my insecurities and fear. I want to feel better in myself for myself...before being in any relationship 2) I know how selfish he is even though he's not doing in intentionally. I had deactivated my FB ages ago and only activated it last week and put some new pics of me when I was out with th girls..I strongly believe this has triggered his regret..he kept asking if guys have been hitting on me when I've been out etc and if I'm into anybody...think it set his panic button off...and this might be temporary so am not talking it seriously at all 3) I think i had to give up on a lot of my values/wants/needs to be with him, at that time, he was worth it, now that I've taken him off the pedestal...I'm not so sure! Edited October 9, 2011 by nini typo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shtubes Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 now that I've taken him off the pedestal...I'm not so sure! Sounds like you're pretty sure to me. Mine is off her pedestal too. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shtubes Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Pathetic pathetic pathetic....A very half hearted attempt at a reconciliation. I think she was just trying to alleviate her guilt. Than putting the whole thing in my lap to do the final dirty work. She will respect my decision = LAME! Here is our last two emails.... "I'm not settling for you, I had already settled on you, until you pushed me away. But it's your decision also, as to if you want to settle with me or not. It takes two people to make it work or not work. I'll respect your decision." "You said you dont think you will ever find Mr Right. You said you dont want to look anymore. Are you actually saying you will "settle" for me?" Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 So I had this theory about how people tend to break up before or during summers as it was partying and hookin up season. And I always thought to myself, It would be so interesting to see if after the summer, the exes come back after they have it out of their system. Or maybe the colder weather and holiday season makes them long for that person again. I don't know, it was just interesting to see that 3 people on this same thread have had DUMPERS come back. I am curious if mine will show his head. If not, it's all good. I have an amazing distraction! Link to post Share on other sites
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