Bothered by the Date

[DukeofKirkaldy]

So, my fiancee and I are planning to be married in the near future. A very, very small affair, as this is the second marriage for both of us (both divorced). Here's the issue.

 

I recently found out that the date we set is two days away from the anniversary of her first marriage (November 15, November 17). This was just not something that came up before and so I guess I blame myself for not having a clue. I'm bothered by this on some unexplainable level. But I can't really articulate why - it seems petty. It IS a different date, after all, whether it's two days or two months. The larger part of me wants to say I'm being ridiculous, but still, I can't shake this bothered feeling.

 

I'd appreciate any perspective you'd like to offer. Thanks.

[RiverRunning]

November as in next month or November as in 1 year, 1 month from now? If it's the latter, there's still time to change the date.

 

I can understand being a little bothered - no one wants to feel like their wedding day is going to feel like a repeat of the spouse's previous wedding day. Was the date chosen because you both like fall and it was convenient, or did your bride alone choose the date?

 

And no matter the, "She's with you, so nothing else matters," empty types of consolations, it's natural to feel a little insecure the second time around.

 

Maybe you could gently tell your bride-to-be, "How do you feel about an early October or September wedding? The weather might be more favorable."

[norajane]

I'm bothered by this on some unexplainable level. But I can't really articulate why - it seems petty.

 

Unless you can articulate the problem, neither we nor your fiance can address it or reassure you of anything.

 

Is it some kind of jealousy?

Fear?

Anger?

 

Personally, I don't really see the problem.