Girlfriend left suddenly after 7 years

[star036]

I was with my girlfriend for over 7 years, had a child together and recently brought a house together. She was my life, and I was hers from what she used to tell me. She used to say I was the one, and she would never leave me. We were properly in love (so I thought). I was always there for her, through so many things and feel like I improved her as a person. I loved her so much and still do, and would have spent the rest of my life with her no question.

 

But then from nowhere she said she no longer loves me and left me, the only reason being she no longer loves me the way she should and doesn't find me attractive. She insisted there wasn't anyone else, but about 2 weeks after she left I found out she had been staying over an a mans house and she had known him for 2 months before we split. She still denys anything has happened and they are just friends. Her brother has also said she has been flirting with atleast two other guys in the past week. This has totally broken me, I've not being eating, sleeping, just crying on my own every night, texting her asking her to come back, I just can't deal with it. She was my life and I thought I was hers. but now suddenly I'm nothing to her, shes ignoring me and shes not shed a single tear through all of this. For the last 2 months I've done nothing but cry and hide away. And she just seems so happy now, shes got a new house and going out all the time, flirting and probably sleeping with loads of men. Do you think somewhere in her heart she will still feel anything for me? And any ideas what causes a girl to do this? And do you have any idea how I can get through this, because I arent coping at all. The thought of her with someone else is killing me. Thanks in advance.

[Desensitized]

I was with my girlfriend for over 7 years, had a child together and recently brought a house together. She was my life, and I was hers from what she used to tell me. She used to say I was the one, and she would never leave me. We were properly in love (so I thought). I was always there for her, through so many things and feel like I improved her as a person. I loved her so much and still do, and would have spent the rest of my life with her no question.

 

But then from nowhere she said she no longer loves me and left me, the only reason being she no longer loves me the way she should and doesn't find me attractive. She insisted there wasn't anyone else, but about 2 weeks after she left I found out she had been staying over an a mans house and she had known him for 2 months before we split. She still denys anything has happened and they are just friends. Her brother has also said she has been flirting with atleast two other guys in the past week. This has totally broken me, I've not being eating, sleeping, just crying on my own every night, texting her asking her to come back, I just can't deal with it. She was my life and I thought I was hers. but now suddenly I'm nothing to her, shes ignoring me and shes not shed a single tear through all of this. For the last 2 months I've done nothing but cry and hide away. And she just seems so happy now, shes got a new house and going out all the time, flirting and probably sleeping with loads of men. Do you think somewhere in her heart she will still feel anything for me? And any ideas what causes a girl to do this? And do you have any idea how I can get through this, because I arent coping at all. The thought of her with someone else is killing me. Thanks in advance.

 

Trust me, she may seem like she's having all the fun in the world and enjoying meeting all these new guys. But give it time, and she will crash and burn and come crying back to you. Even if that doesn't happen, be the bigger person and give yourself time to heal. Obviously she's going through some screwed up stage in her life. Personally, if I was you, I wouldn't take her back (i'm positive she'll come begging for you to take her back, but I would advise you not to). If she left you once, there's nothing stopping her from leaving you twice.

 

But yeah, like I said, give yourself time to heal and once you're ready, things will start to clear and ultimately, you'll realize that not taking her back or considering getting back to her was the best decision you ever made. The fact that you two have a kid together doesn't change anything; should not be the deciding factor of whether you two are going to be together again.

 

edit: and another thing I forgot to add, even though she may be telling you that nothing has happened with these guys, don't believe her. you aren't with her 24/7; she will not tell you the truth. don't even bother asking her to tell you the truth, she won't. that's how women like her work - deny, deny, deny everything.

Edited October 9, 2011 by Desensitized

[star036]

To be honest I seriously can't see her asking me to take her back. I've pushed her away by basically begging her to stay and asking for reasons why she has left. She literally hates me at the moment. it's asif she has just changed overnight from a loving, kind person into a heartless, nasty person. She just is not bothing one bit, and when I mention memories that mean alot to me, she shows no interest like they mean nothing. The hole 7 years must have just been a joke to her. I've tried to be the best boyfriend and father I could for her and our son, proper give everything to try and make her life as best as I could and shes thrown it all away like it was nothing. How can she suddenly not feel anything?

[sadprincess]

karma...............karma..........karma

 

like the above post: she'll totally crash

[Rimer]

I was with my girlfriend for over 7 years, had a child together and recently brought a house together. She was my life, and I was hers from what she used to tell me. She used to say I was the one, and she would never leave me. We were properly in love (so I thought). I was always there for her, through so many things and feel like I improved her as a person. I loved her so much and still do, and would have spent the rest of my life with her no question.

 

But then from nowhere she said she no longer loves me and left me, the only reason being she no longer loves me the way she should and doesn't find me attractive. She insisted there wasn't anyone else, but about 2 weeks after she left I found out she had been staying over an a mans house and she had known him for 2 months before we split. She still denys anything has happened and they are just friends. Her brother has also said she has been flirting with atleast two other guys in the past week. This has totally broken me, I've not being eating, sleeping, just crying on my own every night, texting her asking her to come back, I just can't deal with it. She was my life and I thought I was hers. but now suddenly I'm nothing to her, shes ignoring me and shes not shed a single tear through all of this. For the last 2 months I've done nothing but cry and hide away. And she just seems so happy now, shes got a new house and going out all the time, flirting and probably sleeping with loads of men. Do you think somewhere in her heart she will still feel anything for me? And any ideas what causes a girl to do this? And do you have any idea how I can get through this, because I arent coping at all. The thought of her with someone else is killing me. Thanks in advance.

 

I feel for you bro.. My gf of over 8 years left me suddenly. Not for another man tho but because broken promises (because I have depression, which I found out after she left me and i've had it for few years).. We bought a house a year ago.. now it's sold.. so the story seems a lot similar but not totally.. although.. I'm going thrue the same crap myself.. it's been 5-6 weeks now.. I cry every night.. I'm so sad all the time, depressed and get even worse when I goto places we used to go to.. I have no appetite.. Why girls do this? I don't know.. I can't imagine how someone can do this to someone.

 

How to cope? Everyone tells me.. You need to start to think about yourself.. but it's easy for people to say that.. It seems impossible to do that.. Give it time everyone says.. again same thing.. Right now myself I don't know how i'm gonna get over this.. I think I should just start to work on myself and let things roll on.. but that seems impossible.. sleep, work, gym then sit around my apartment alone till I goto sleep sitting there thinking about her.

 

How to cope? If you go good friends you can hang out with without getting drunk do that. If you go hobbies concentrate on that too. Start a new hobby. Go outside, start going to the gym.. gym really helps..

 

Hang in there m8

[Desensitized]

To be honest I seriously can't see her asking me to take her back. I've pushed her away by basically begging her to stay and asking for reasons why she has left. She literally hates me at the moment. it's asif she has just changed overnight from a loving, kind person into a heartless, nasty person. She just is not bothing one bit, and when I mention memories that mean alot to me, she shows no interest like they mean nothing. The hole 7 years must have just been a joke to her. I've tried to be the best boyfriend and father I could for her and our son, proper give everything to try and make her life as best as I could and shes thrown it all away like it was nothing. How can she suddenly not feel anything?

 

You didn't push her away, she decided to up and go by herself. You begging had nothing to do with it, trust me. She may have saw you as weak when you were begging for her to stay, but what else were you supposed to do? Just accept that she was leaving? I suppose you could have not cared, but then again, emotions don't work like that. I doubt she hates you, because nothing indicates to me that she has anything to hate you for. She's just trying to justify her leaving by thinking that she hates you. She may be showing you no interest on the outside, but I'm sure she's feeling all sorts of emotions on the inside. 7 years is a long time; unless she has problems, she's not as emotionless as she portrays herself to be. Trust me.

 

Now, here is what I want you to do. I know you're hurting, but try your best to do this: for starters, get yourself together. look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, why are you feeling down on yourself? Then, consider your options. Where do you go from here? What about your son?

Next, I want you to take each day slow; try taking it easy day by day. Try focusing your attention on your son; try finding comfort by talking to your family and friends. Let your girlfriend do whatever she wants, don't text her. Don't call her. Show her that you don't need her. Don't respond to her text messages. Change the locks on your house.

 

She will crash and burn, give it time.

[star036]

I know what you saying about ignoring her, and for a few weeks I did do, only saw her when I was picking my son up and barely spoke to her. But it's so difficult when you keep hearing little rumours she's with this guy or that guy, and shes always posting happy comments on facebook to suggest her world is now brilliant without me and she can't wait jump on the next guy. Also I have to see her a few times a week to pick my son up.

 

I just can't get the thought of her sleeping with someone else out of my head, i feel sick at the thought. And I've just got questions going round and round in my head constantly like what is wrong with me? Am I ugly? rubbish in bed? What has he got that I haven't? It driving my crazy.

[Desensitized]

I know what you saying about ignoring her, and for a few weeks I did do, only saw her when I was picking my son up and barely spoke to her. But it's so difficult when you keep hearing little rumours she's with this guy or that guy, and shes always posting happy comments on facebook to suggest her world is now brilliant without me and she can't wait jump on the next guy. Also I have to see her a few times a week to pick my son up.

 

I just can't get the thought of her sleeping with someone else out of my head, i feel sick at the thought. And I've just got questions going round and round in my head constantly like what is wrong with me? Am I ugly? rubbish in bed? What has he got that I haven't? It driving my crazy.

 

Okay, think about that for a second. Chances are, she IS with someone. Of course she's posting "happy" comments, that's what girls like her DO. They want people to think that she's happy; by that, people will comment on her status congratulating her on her new man. Anyone can make themselves look like they're the happiest person in the world over the internet, but that doesn't mean that they are, obviously. You're hurting, I get that. I know it's difficult to cut all contact with a person, trust me, i've been there. Had to cancel an engagement this January. My ex-fiancee was a lot like your girlfriend in the way that she made it seem like she was always super happy over the internet, but she wasn't. And how do I know that, you ask? She told me.

 

You see, she wants you to think that she's having a good time to make YOU miserable; it's working. Think about it, when she decides to sleep with someone else, if she already hasn't, what will happen? Besides the fact that it would hurt you to find that out, she will feel used, because she honestly isn't ready for a relationship. And think about it, if she has slept with another person, well, there's another perfectly good reason not to get back together with her - you can use this to drive you into getting over her. Use this as the motivation you need to push through. It's not going to be easy getting over her, but at least you're not rebounding into another relationship just to get back at her, like she seems to be doing to you.

 

And to address your last few points, you're probably not ugly. The word "ugly" is a very relative term. Don't let this get you down, don't let her win. Life isn't always about winning, I know, but you can't let her get the best of you. The only thing the other guy has that you don't is the fact that he's a rebound. Nothing more. Your girlfriend is making him out to be so much more than he really is. I would urge you to delete your gf off Facebook or delete Facebook entirely. Actually, instead of doing that, block her. That way, she won't show up under mutual friends and you'll never have to see her .

 

What you should be focusing on now is yourself and cutting the connection between you and your girlfriend. Focus on healing yourself, she will come back. But hopefully when she does, you don't give in. Don't count the days until she comes back, just live life.

[M2155]

I just can't get the thought of her sleeping with someone else out of my head, i feel sick at the thought. And I've just got questions going round and round in my head constantly like what is wrong with me? Am I ugly? rubbish in bed? What has he got that I haven't? It driving my crazy.

 

Listen, you were together a long time and maybe she just got bored or someone came on to her and she got a taste of "new" men. Or, maybe she has been mentally looking for a way out all along but needed some options before leaving you. The things going on in your head are NOT the reason, if they were, she would have left a LONG time ago. Trust me on that.

 

My ex left me after almost 2 years and went back to his previous GF before me, but I think if it wasn't her it would have been someone else because he wasn't 100% emotionally invested in the realtionship (I even saw his profile on a dating site some time before). I had no idea he was even talking to anyone until we broke up I saw him telling a girl on Facebook that they were "forever" and lots of I love yous etc. Ex or not, you don't just break up and instantly in love with each other, I am confident this started before we broke up. My point is, I think she was at least talking to someone else before you broke up.

 

I agree with the above posters that she'll probably come back and some point. It makes sense as you have history, a child, comfort. She is out trying someone new and eventually may realize she misses knowing what's behind door number 1. But I also agree to work on yourself because when that time comes, you may not want her. The thought of her being with other men is making you sick? Use that to see the situation for what it really is. She's made a choice to lie, cheat whatever to worm her way out of the relationship and it's going to crash because it takes time to separate yourself emotionally after being with someone that long.

 

But in the meantime, it doesn't help you to hold on to thoughts of her coming back because you want to be able to see the situation clearly when that time comes and not emotionally. You can't right now, but you will in time. It's hard but we're all going through it on some level.

Edited October 10, 2011 by M2155

[star036]

Part of me just wants her to be happy even if it isn't with me, i do still love her. But there is a part of me which wants to see her fall flat on her face, and one day try to get back with me. I want her to regret doing this. But to be honest, I just cant see it happening because there is so many men out there better than me.

 

I'm very up and down at the moment, yesterday I was just crying constantly but today I haven't cried and I've spent a few hours clearing anything from the house that reminds me of her, and I didn't feel anything when throwing it in the bin. On a day like today I actually wonder if it's really her I'm missing, or just the companionship and feeling of being loved. Maybe one day someone else will love me and I won't feel anything for her. I don't no. It's just difficult to stop thinking about the times we had together, places we went. Everywhere I go at the minute something reminds me of her. And we had our own little places we would always go together which were special, but went I mention them to her know it's asif it never ment anything. She just blanks me.

 

 

I'd just like to say thanks anyway for all your comments, it does help more than I thought to actually get things off your chest and here other peoples opinions.

[wilsonx]

I want you to read 2 things...

 

#1 "I am no longer attracted to you" thread in my signature, I wrote that one day out of the blue a few months ago (the first 2 posts)

 

#2 I want you to read my post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t301798/

 

It really really sucks, trust me I feel your pain. Its gets better, I promise.

[jfLip]

I'm in a similar situation right now minus the kid/house. My ex and I were going out for 4 years when all of a sudden she needed to "find herself." She was very rational about it and I understood (I'm 23, she's 20) but I feel you... it's tough. She's been totally uncharacteristic ever since we broke up - partying all the time, blowing up Facebook, acting seemingly happy all the time, etc. But like some other posters said, we don't know what's truly going inside our ex's minds. I've been in NC for about a month now and don't worry it gets better...

[Desensitized]

But to be honest, I just cant see it happening because there is so many men out there better than me.

Pshh... better than you? C'mon, man. This defeated attitude isn't going to make you progress.

I've spent a few hours clearing anything from the house that reminds me of her, and I didn't feel anything when throwing it in the bin.

Maybe instead of throwing all of your memories away, pack them safely and put them somewhere where you know you'll never go. So for example, instead of throwing all my ex-fiancee's stuff away that she gave me, I stored them in a bag in my basement. I rarely go in my basement and when I do, they're in a safe place where I normally don't go. I don't know, you may or may not want those memories. If you don't, I understand that too.

On a day like today I actually wonder if it's really her I'm missing, or just the companionship and feeling of being loved.

We all have those days. And honestly, I think it's a little of both when it comes to missing the companionship, and missing the person you were with.

 

The great thing about love is that you find it when you least expect it. Until then, don't tell yourself that you'll never find love again, you will. But right now, you just need to heal.

[star036]

I think the hardest thing to deal with is the thought of her loving someone else. I've just seen her tonight when I picked my son up, she was in the middle of doing her hair and makeup, and she had nice clothes all ready to go. She was clearly getting ready to go out with her friends or more likely to see another man. So I'm sitting here tonight wondering what shes up to, who with etc. I hate the fact she know longer makes any effort for me or fancy me, I'm nothing but a distant memory now who she doesn't have a care in the world for. It's just totally heartbreaking. I was never a confident person anyway so was always amazed she loved and fancied me, and now that has gone and shes moved on to better things it very hard to pick yourself up for that. I will always be wondering what was wrong with me.

[joseph17]

I've have recently went through the same thing and we have the same friends. The best way to get over those feelings is to work on yourself. You said that before she was with you you had confidence problems so there is your number one sign that you needed to improve on you before even getting into the relationship. After 7 years you don't know what to do, how to act, or even think about dating someone else. But with a little bit if time and keeping yourself active you will soon get over her. You will never forget her and unfortunately have to deal with her the rest of your life having a kid together and I feel you on this. My wife left me for another man with all 3 of my kids and it hurt like hell. But I have moved on and even though very weary about who I date i am still over her and ready to move on. You'll be okay man just keep it pushin and live your life

[star036]

We had the same group of friends aswell, as I moved away from where I am from to live near her, so now I don't really see them friends anymore because she is always with them. So I'm more of less on my own at the minute apart from a few work friends and family.

 

I've always been the same really, I get confident from other people liking me because I never expect them to. So I feel at the moment that if some nice young woman was to come along and want me, and except me for me then I would be fixed. But I just keep thinking who is going to want a man with a child at 25, most women will run a mile. And all the time I have to watch the ex fighting men off with a stick.