Broke NC after 2 1/2 months

[cocolove]

Hi there! My name is Kristina I'm a first time poster, and a long time lurker. A little background on my ex-story below. I was with my ex boyfriend for five years. I'm 20, he's 23. Today I broke no contact after almost two and a half months of strict NC.

 

The story-

 

He broke up with me in late January, after I had found out he was dating another girl at the beginning of January. Stood me up on New Years after planning on being with eachother two weeks in advanced with a pathetic excuse, I could tell something was wrong and I was crushed. He hates conflict, and played both of us basically, I told her about us through Facebook and she said he never mentioned having a girlfriend. She then broke up with him, he begged for her back and they got back together. Went light contact for a while, trying my best to manipulate him back to me, bad idea. It obviously pushed them toward eachother. She eventually built up a hatred for me, and I don't blame her. It was extremely tough for me, I thought he'd want to try and work out issues but another girl I guess gave him the chance to get out of our relationship. He then said he wanted to marry her after a few weeks of being with her, but when we resumed contact a few months later his mind seemed to change a bit. Not sure if it's a sign of GIGS or just being unhappy and wanting out.

 

I made contact with him through messanger a couple of months later. Told him we should try being friends. He told me he wanted to call me, they were broken up at the time and then proceeded to tell me all the things he hates about her. He confided in me about her (spoiled, annoying, calls him ugly, talked about going back to her ex, bitchy, they break up all the time ect.) He said he didn't care if they got back together and such. I told him well if you're so unhappy you shouldn't stay in that kind of relationship. After that he disappeared for a couple weeks and came back, saying "I thought you wanted friendship but it seems like you just want me back." Went off telling him I still loved him, he deserved better than her ect. Then he disappeared again, only to reappear a couple weeks later.

 

One day I told him I was tired of him telling me all these horrible things about her behind her back. I told him to tell her he'd been talking to me about her, or i'd tell her myself. She then broke up with him again got drunk, went to a party, got in a physical fight with him, and he then called me. He tried to pick me up and talk to him in person and after not seeing him for over half a year, and I said no. (Wasn't ready to see him, didn't know if I'd be emotional or do something stupid like sleep with him.)

 

We then talked for over two hours on the phone, he asked how I was if I was seeing anyone and seemed to be jealous. He apologized for going behind my back talking to her, for hurting me, and seemed really sincere. I asked why he left, and he said he didn't really know, he wanted a fresh start but I could tell he still had feelings for me. He would start reminiscing about us, laughing and making jokes. Asked if I was dating (which I was) asked if I was happy, and I sort of was but it was mainly to try to forget him. The next day I called to see if he was ok, and he gave me this speech about how we shouldn't talk because i'd only try to ruin his relationship with her ect.. Since then it's been strict no contact. I assume he got back together with her, but a friend told me he's been wondering how I was. I believe he left because I took him for granted the last couple months of our relationship, it got stale, and I didn't want to spend time with him as much (busy with school, he was always working, we were both tired).

 

I still love the guy after dating two other guys in the past almost ten months. I know I don't need him to be happy, but I think if we gave it another go I could forgive him and start fresh. We lasted five years, and out of the hoards of girls he's dated he claimed I was the one he wanted to marry, have kids with ect. He asked me to move in with him when I was nineteen, but I was so not ready. I don't want him to leave her for me, if he's happy that's fine it just seems highly unlikely from what he's told me about her. He's the type to stick to a decision even if he loathes it to make a point.

 

So for the past two and a half months I've been learning to love myself more which has been great, and I'm a lot stronger than I realized. Recently moved to a new city, and things have been going well. Had a dream last night about him for the first time in a long time, and decided maybe it's time to break NC... Just say hello, see if he's single or wanting to meet up for coffee to chat. He's been my best friend for the past five years, and I've thought of him everyday since the breakup so it was hard going NC for me.

 

I texted him this afternoon on a whim, "Hey, It's been a long time. How have you been stranger?" A couple hours have passed without a response. I'm a little stuck, don't wanna be waiting for a text but with every hour and every text I get my heart sinks a little. Wondering if I should just crawl back into a hole and go no contact again.

 

It does feel good though, to reach out and let him know I'm still alive, even if he doesn't care. I'm trying not to assume why he hasn't responded, because if I was still the same person as a couple months ago I'd be non-stop texting and calling to see why he's not writing me back. Thankfully I've changed a bit, and i'm not that annoying girl again. Just needed to vent, and if anyone has advice please feel free to leave some! I can use all the help I can get right now.

Edited October 10, 2011 by cocolove

[Thierro]

You do realize that he treats you like garbage over and over, right?

 

You have not changed enough and it’s not healthy for you to keep on contacting him when he obviously doesn’t respect you as a human being. I believe you are still caught up in some sort of fallacy and I am sure that a lot of ‘me time’ will give you a better perspective on things.