What a difference a year makes

[calndn]

I cant believe that it is very nearly a year since my ex split up with me (it will be in two weeks time). I cant believe how quickly the year has gone. I can honestly say its been the worst year of my life...or at least the worst 10 months I suppose. It wasnt until about 3 months ago I started feeling over my ex, but I still had my moments. However now and for the last 6-8 weeks I can honestly say I feel over him 100% I dont even think about him much now, I cant say how this happened it just did. It wasnt that one day I woke up and it was different it was just after about 2 weeks or so I realised I hadnt thought of him much. I met someone who although I have no idea whats going on with and that drives me a little insane....has helped me finish that final step of getting over my ex. This guy is the first ive slept with since my ex, first ive actually felt comfortable with, spent considerable time with, liked, and respected. Its not all hunky dory, Im now working away for 2 months and wont see him and its early stages, we havent discussed it, I know I wont hear from him much whilst im away and im worried that for him the whole thing has just been for fun. But what is wrong with a bit of fun...I think its just what I needed it would be a bonus if things were to develop but im not getting my hopes up.

 

I realise now how silly I was, trying to chase my ex, hes nothing but a pathetic, childish, emotional abusing, rude bastard who I not only never want to see again (and hope I dont bump into him as we live in same town) but would not even acknowledge if I walked past him in the street as he isnt even worth a breath and doesnt deserve even a smile from me. He was so emotionally abusive i tried to kill myself, I then got diagnosed with depression and felt like I didnt want to be on this earth for months and months and months. I feel like im on the other side now. He has a new gf of about 4 months and well good luck to her I hope she sees his true colours long before I did.

 

One thing that was good is that because I was so depressed the only good thing in my life was my job, which I love. I got stuck in and have since had two promotions!

 

For those of you out there thinking you are never going to get over your ex....you will...believe me. I felt like I was never going to get over my ex, that he was the one and that noone else would compare noone else would be as good as him. Nothing could get me out of the stupor I was in. It is time that is needed, nothing anyone says or does will heal you, sure advice helps but only time can heal. It might not be what some of you want to hear but when it happens you will understand.

 

I now only occasionally miss company, a good snuggle in bed and curling up on the sofa with a man....but that man is not my ex. Nothing is worth your life and certainly not a man. And certainly not a pathetic man like my ex. My friends saw him in the supermarket the other day and said they wonder what I saw in him. I also look back and realise we werent meant to be, we werent right for eachother.

 

I hope to find someone im happy with, I do occasionally think its never going to happen. We shall see.

 

xxxx

[wilsonx]

I hope to find someone im happy with, I do occasionally think its never going to happen. We shall see.

 

 

One of the things that I have learned over time is that people with negative attitudes attract negative people. No matter what, always be positive. Tell yourself that you are happy and be the most positive person that you can be

[katatattat32]

because it has been almost a year for me, too. I did everything one should do (got fit, NC, therapy, random hook-ups after an appropriate amount of time) when we broke up after 3 years, and then recently I moved back home. I only ever moved away from my awesome area because of my ex, and so I thought it would be a good final step to move, on my own terms, to a place more economically, culturally, and socially stimulating.

 

The thing is, I've been thinking about him more than ever. And I've never been much of a dreamer, but he is reflected in all of them lately. When we first broke up I would dream a lot about our old house, sneaking around when he wasn't there, etc. Lately, I staved off a home invasion with the help of Bruce Willis (bf was not there). Last night I dreamt that I was hanging with him and his (now pregnant in the dream) gf. She and I got along swimmingly, but he was not as amazing as I remembered, but followed me out to my car when I left and we talked. I don't remember what we said, but it wasn't like he was attracted to me or trying to get me back, but he definitely wanted my attention and I just wanted to drive away (nice metaphor there, eh?)

 

Point being: this is not how I feel in waking life. I have felt an intense regret the past few weeks being home, it rivals the first few weeks after we broke up. And my feelings for him have not really faded at all, despite dating more than I ever did.

 

I've never been one to really want to date or have a relationship. I guess the sadness is mounting because I felt that there would not be so many memories and feelings attached to this area as our old city, but there are. But part of me thinks that I may have let the best thing go, and there's no getting it back, even if we wanted to.

 

It feels pretty effing naive, really, but there it is.