Alexandré Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 OK I've changed in leaps and bounds, but I still come off as "too nice". And at this time I'm wanting to adopt the whole bad boy thing. I was thinking like a bikerhood with a heart of gold. Sorta like Ryan from The OC as cheezy as that sounds. Any thoughts/advice/comments? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 There is no bigger turnoff than a fake. Don't recreate yourself to become a different person. Instead, look for the woman who will want you as you are and who will accept you as you are. It is certainly acceptable to change yourself if you're not already a kind, considerate, patient person - and all of us need to strive to change ourselves to be better in those areas - but don't try to make yourself into something you are not. You won't win a single thing worth keeping by being fake. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 You can never go wrong just being yourself Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 to thine own self be true Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Rent "Don't Tell Her It's Me" starring Steve Guttenburg. Don't be a fake. Don't make yourself something you aren't. That's pretty lame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandré Posted May 16, 2004 Author Share Posted May 16, 2004 Well I'm to damn nice, people tell me that all the time! I dont think I'm that nice really so I want to change what is odviously seen as a character flaw to everyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Ask them what they mean. Is it that you are too apathetic? Do you just go along with people? Have you not got ideas and views of your own? Are you afraid of conflict? People use 'too nice' to cover a massive number of traits. You need to know what they mean. And you also need to decide if their opinions are valid and if they are people who should be telling you how to be as a human. Maybe you just need better friends. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré Well I'm to damn nice, people tell me that all the time! I dont think I'm that nice really so I want to change what is odviously seen as a character flaw to everyone else! I'm a really nice guy, too, and I used to think this was a bad quality. People would always tell me "You're so nice!", but I always got taken advantage of. Then I realized... The thing that people did not like, and what I did not like, is not that I was "too nice". The problem is that I would let people walk all over me. Is this what is going on with you? Do you give people too many chances, don't have your own opinion, and don't fight for what you believe in? Do you let others take advantage of you? Nobody likes the weak, and that my friend is being weak. I know. I was there. Well, if this even applies to you, that is. Just get a backbone. The only down-side to my outlook on life over the past year is that I tend to stand up to everyone, even people who could seriously hurt me. Most times they back off when they realize that I won't stand to be used, but there have been a few times I almost got into some big fights. Sometimes, me going up against five guys scares them off. Other times, well, other times I get pretty bruised up I highly recommend you be yourself, as you simply cannot ever be anyone else but who you are. Go ahead and try, but lying is a bad thing. If your "friends" dislike you and mock you for how you are, then it is time to find real friends and ditch those people. Don't bend over backwards for everyone. Have limits, and stand up for what you know is right for you. Being nice is great, as far too often it seems there aren't enough people who care in this world. On the other hand, you don't want to be nice to such an extent that you will let others walk all over you. In other words: Try placing yourself first. You'll find it isn't so wrong, and if you're a nice person you will find a great balance between watching your own back, and helping out those who deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Faux has made a good point; if you are too compliant, yes, perhaps you need a bit of a change - but not to the point of becoming belligerent. That's what's wrong with people who think they're 'too nice' - sometimes they figure they need to become overbearing, bossy, and get themselves a chip on their shoulders. Not at all the right way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandré Posted May 16, 2004 Author Share Posted May 16, 2004 Thats exactly what confuses me and pisses me off. I'm not too compliant. I dont like be ordered around and have gotten in trouble several times for telling people to go **** themselves when they start thinking they have authority over me, I'm am a very fiery liberal and get into debates about politics all the time. I curse alot and I use alot of sarcasm, yet people still tell me I'm "too nice", and frankly it confuses the **** out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré Thats exactly what confuses me and pisses me off. I'm not too compliant. I dont like be ordered around and have gotten in trouble several times for telling people to go **** themselves when they start thinking they have authority over me, I'm am a very fiery liberal and get into debates about politics all the time. I curse alot and I use alot of sarcasm, yet people still tell me I'm "too nice", and frankly it confuses the **** out of me. If this is the case, then just say "psssfft!" to your "friends". Be happy with how you handle things. Again, definitely do not change unless the change happens naturally. Apparently, them telling you that you are "too nice" all of the time bugs you. Let this be known, and creatively inform them that you don't want to hear them jabber on about it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
friendforyou Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I can almost guarantee thats its a different issue. Do you maybe let people walk all over you? Sometimes if that is what you do, people will say " you are too nice". Instead what they mean , is you are a door mat, or acting like a "p- word". A woman wants a man she knows she is safe with, that will stick up for himself and for her. That term " he is too nice" really means more than anyone knows. I have said it before about guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddi Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 ohh man.... i know exactly where your coming from......im like you..genuinely a really nice guy...and yes!...it can give off a vibe of being a weed and the potential of being walked upon is high.....but DO NOT CHANGE....i know from experience..it doesnt work! if you have been a really nice guy...and not playing 3 girls at one time like 'bad-boys' do....for such a long time....all your life im assuming?..thats the gene's that you were given at birth....because i believe your born with these certain genes and not purely relying on being influenced by 'nice people' as you grow up. girls will smell it off a mile away.....they would be like....'What the hell is wrong with alex??'....'hes acting all macho...whats he trying to do?"... well...along those lines..hehe....but anyway buddy......i gaurntee.....a girl will come alonng who will totally dig your personality.....im still waiting Link to post Share on other sites
Prnkstr Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 .i gaurntee.....a girl will come alonng who will totally dig your personality.....im still waiting Lol.....I would bet more than a cent on that my friend....all my freinds tell me that im super nice, and sadly enough, i have a tendency of letting girls lwalk all over me....and if not thats enough my self confidence is hardly present at all.... But waiting for the girl that digg u to come along is a farily tale I hardly belive will come true in this lifetime.... Ur better off watching films inteted for girls( ie. Slepless in Manhattan and other apathetic films in that genre), "Love" as we like to think of it is only an emotion....based on our thoughts....and a though is nothing.... Some say its better to have love and lost, than never expirienced it at all..I strongly disagree....I was in total love with the SAME girl for 7 painfull years....I dont even know how thats possible, but anyway...I really hope I never will feel that way about someone again. One way love is a fate I would wish apon my worst enemy. I feel so emotieonelly scarred after all these years, that love has almost come to be a thing I fear worse than death.... So be a nice boy....and doing all those nice things hardly ever pulls of...all you girls B***and moan about how they want a nice boy, blah blah....get real....Ive seen time after time, girls go for the bad guys hoping to tame them or whatever....into a nice boy....when cleary dont want one after all.. So all u nice guys out there,..I feel for u....maby ull find that special someone....but the odds r against us....just be aware of that Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 speaking from personal experience, "nice guys" i have encountered are not all that nice. they try to appear nice and this is what turns me off. they try to creep and please and do anything to make you like them. its no challenge and its not sincere either. look i am not the most confident person by any stretch either and can sympathise but my advice is get some confidence and know what you are. Link to post Share on other sites
kiev01 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I know I'm new here, But I would like to respond. A buddy that I work with is from England and he is definately the bad boy type with a soft edge. Yes, there is an art to it that I've recently learned. A lot of it is what's already been mentioned...be yourself. But in order to do that you NEED to know who you are and what you value. All of that comes from life. Stand up for what you believe whether or not people believe in you. Don't be afraid to tell anyone to piss off. It's not a look (although there are things I'm sure you could do, but it's not important), but in how you carry yourself...your confidence. Women need to feel like you can protect them, and that you know what you can do....it's all confidence. But be carefull, sometimes confidence can come off as being cocky and you don't want that at all. Women like to know that they are the only ones in your life that you can show your true side to. It's almost like a special present all for them. And all of that comes from life. If all a person does is sit at home playing video games (an example please don't anyone take this as if I'm pointing fingers) and not ever experience life, that will show through. Believe it or not, martial arts can help out in that area. The biggest thing is, don't change the core of who you are. Expand on it, make your morals be known if asked. Don't butt in with your opinion. The biggest thing that I've learned is..for as bad as it may sound...."don't care". Don't care about other peoples opinion of you...don't care what people say about you or their sarcasims...just don't care. The moment you do then you've given your power to them. Speaking of power....and ladies I mean no disrespect....but we as men hand our power over to our women way to easily. Women want to chase us as well as we want to chase them. Don't tell them everything about you in five minutes. Let them talk and keep yourself a mystery. So when 5 years down the road their still finding new things about you, they remain fascinated with you. We as men become too eager. Don't...take your time...let them talk. If they start asking you questions, redirect it back to them...keep them talking. If I offended anyone I do appologize...but there is an art to everything. ) Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Guys who describe themselves as "too nice" often mean "I'm hooked on bitchy women" In the same way, many women who say "I'm too nice for my own good" actually mean that they're dragged to nasty men like lemmings to a cliff. If that's your kind of nice (and I'm not saying that it is) then it might be an idea to challenge yourself about it. People often admire in others the sort of behaviour that, if they thought they could get away with it, they'd happily indulge in themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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