KK'sLove Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 If a guy isn't ready for a relationship right now because he just got out (2 1/2 months ago) of a long bad one is it realistic to think that we can turn our "friends with benefits" into more? We've only know each other for about 6 weeks now but we click and it seems like we've known each other forever. We talk about everything and for hours but he says that he doesn't want a relationship right now. He doesn't want the stress and doesn't want to answer to anyone. I know he cares for me because some drama has came up and we got passed it. He told me a few weeks ago to date other people if I want in a "friendly" way but I told him I have been and he seemed kinda upset with me. I told him that this was his choice and I wanted to date exclusively. So he choose it this way. He said fine, do what you want...I'm not going to say anything because it looks like I'm jealous or controlling. Did he actually care? I'm not sure. I can't tell what he wants...if I show too much attention/caring he will probably run because he's not ready. But if I don't show enough interest he'll probably run too. Truth is, I'm falling for him but I can't let him know that, so I find myself in a hard spot. I'm not sure what to do: A. Do I stay his friend and only his friend? (But what if he goes into the complete friend zone....can you come out of this?) B. Do I continue to be a friend with benefits? (I'm very attracted to him and I know he is to me. He told me that I don't have to give him benefits, he'll still be here even if I don't. I told him that I would rather him be with me than anyone else but if he chooses to go to someone else, he must tell me, because then the benefits are over) C. Walk away...this one just isn't possible...I've started to fall for him. And is it realistic to think that if I hang in there either way that he will choose me to want to be with when he's ready for a relationship? Do guys want to date a girl that he's close friends with especially if there is sexually chemistry? And he has a bad outlook on women right now, if I stay and show him that I'm a good woman, will it just take time to realize that and for him to think, okay she is for real and I can trust her with my heart? And how long is it normally for a guy to be ready after a 3 year relationship/engagement (bad turned to worse) to be ready and open for a new relationship? I will appreciate any help you can give....thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
nickals Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 I don't know hw much I can help, because I am still suck on my ex to a certain degree ( you can read my post to find out). But yes men can go from friends to lovers. It probable is the best way. I have had friends that there was a chemistry with but it was all about timing. From my personal experience when I settled down it was because the woman said either we are together or she was walking out. If you know for sure he likes you, then my guess is that yes he probable is still hurt from his past relationship but also he is using it as an excuse because he doesn't want to get hurt ever again. But you also have to becareful not to be the rebound girl. I always think communication is the best answer. I don't want to give you any advice right now, because I do want to mess it up for you. I can tell you this benefits are a bad things. When we get benefts then we don't have anything to chase after we THINK we are in the best situation. Link to post Share on other sites
jubei Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 i think you should tell him how you truly feel. you say he would run if you do, but if he really does care for you how you say he does. he won't run. you should talk it over with him and let him decide. trust me you don't want to just do nothing.....i know how that turns out. you'll just end up being really good friends and you'll get nothing more. but i can't really tell you how he'll act because i don't know him. so it is up to you and you alone wether or not you think you should do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
KK'sLove Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Thank you for the replies...here's an update. Well, unfortunately, my frustrations got the better of me. I thought that he was totally over the misunderstanding (he thought I said I love him in bed the last time we were together, I didn't) from the past. We talked about this misunderstanding to the 10th degree and I thought he was finally over it. I never said it, I don't know what he heard but it wasn't that. I thought he felt comfortable again to see me and we made plans for last weekend and he cancelled. He said he was busy (he's said this the last few times), this is an excuse, then admitted he was still a little gunshy to see me. I finally had enough and told him I didn't want to see him anymore (I didn't know what else to do, we've talked for hours about the "love" thing, I didn't say it, I don't know after hours of talking what else I can possibly say about that subject). He seemed upset/confused by this and told me that I shouldn't be mad because he has stuff to do but I know it's just an excuse. I know I caught him off guard and he was upset but he didn't seem like he was going to fight to keep me in his life. Like I said in the 1st post, I really fell for him and this isn't the way I want it to be but what else can I possibly do to make him want to see me? Bad thing too is that I probably won't see him out, he doesn't really hang out at the same places I do, so I don't think there is anything I can do. Plus, I'm sure that he thinks I don't want to ever talk to him again. Any thought? Link to post Share on other sites
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