carn Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Hey. I'm in a relationship where the girl really doesn't care for the company of other girls too much with the exception of a close friend here and there. Instead, most of her friends, if not virtually all, are guys. What does this mean? Well, at first it doesn't make the slightest difference when you first hook up. However, later on down the road, when Ralph calls her on a Saturday night and wants to know if she feels like going out for a beer you start to wonder what it is that Ralph really wants ... and what she's getting out of this harmless plutonic relationship. I won't go with them because I don't have a good time. I also wonder as I do because I, being commited, would only go out with very few girls for a drink, and not even on a regular basis, just to catch up on old times because these are girls that I've known since I was a little kid and they're really close to me. I would not, go out for a drink with a woman that I might meet at my workplace, unless I was single and had some kind of romantic interest in her. This is a weird situation though, because guys do the asking out and girls just get asked out. The worst advice is to tell me to talk to her about the way I feel. As you can see, this is an engrained feature of her personality and I would never want anyone to change for me because I asked them to. Instead I would like to know if from your experiences girls like this are trouble and whether I'm just in the wrong relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 I'm in a slightly similar situation here. She has many male friends, and almost all of them have been, or are, interested in having sex with her, or having a relationship with her. One of them she lost her virginity to a few years ago, and until she explained "No way in hell." to him about his chances, he was pressuring her repeatedly a month ago. Some of her co-workers have made moves on her, but she isn't interested. She's open enough with what happens, and I like to hear that she can handle herself well. It also reminds me that I don't need to be jealous, as it's apparent that there's still an attraction between us both, and she makes time for me out of her schedule whenever she can. The rest of her closer friends, however, are just friends. She tends to get upset, actually, because she really just wants to have another friend, and the guys she meets really just want to get into her pants most of the time. Your girlfriend has a right to have friends of whatever sex she wants, and you just have to trust that she likes you, and trust her to do what is right. The girl in my situation doesn't go out for drinks with anyone, but she does go out for dinner. However, my case is again a bit different as she will bring her son along. I suppose if you feel left out, or a bit insecure or jealous, the best thing to do would be to bring it up with your girl. I did a few times, and I'm glad, as I got the reassurance that I needed. Keep the communication open between the two of you. Also, realize that when you begin to doubt what her friends want, you really are in fact doubting your girlfriend, and not trusting her as much as perhaps you should be. Definitely talk about this with her. Link to post Share on other sites
sierra104 Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Carn, I too, am a girl that has a majority of male friends. You do not have to feel insecure about this as if she views her male friends the way I view mine, she isn't remotley attracted to them in 'that way'. If she was, she would have started to date one of them instead of you,Right!? I could be totally wrong because her character would play a lot on this. But I know that I wouldn't ruin friendships with my guy friends over feelings even if I DID like them. To girls like your g/f and I, we hang out with guys the way that other girls hang out with girls and just shoot the S@%$ and have fun(minus the hair and make-up). Best of Luck, Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Instead I would like to know if from your experiences girls like this are trouble and whether I'm just in the wrong relationship. It depens on why she has so many male friends...and on whether those guys are just friends or have a liking for her. In my experience, when a girl hangs out expecially with guys, it's either 1) because she does not see any guy she meets as someone to flirt with, and treats men she is not romantically interested in like *persons* and not like *males*, 2)or, on the contrary, because she is a big flirt, loves to have tons of attention, and treats every man she meets like someone she has to seduce, often because she is insecure and has to prove herself something. How does she dresses when she's out with guy friends? Did you get the idea she flirts with them? (if you didn't get this idea yet, she probably is not ) When she goes out with guyfriends does it look like a date? (like, does she allow them to pick up the bill, do they pick her up at her place, things of that sort?) Most important, would she always like you to come along? Does she want to introduce her guy friends to you? Does she tell them she has got a boyfriend? girls who have guy friends -and treat them like just friends- are usually people worth dating . I'd be wary about dating someone who has no friends of the opposite sex. Are you absolutely positive it would not be a good idea to tell her how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
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