Went NC with a Friend and She Called...

[clerm27]

Long story short, this girl and I had somewhat of a relationship about a year ago, couldn't make it work, then we started hanging out as friends. Recently she started dating a guy and I realized I still really liked her, so I initiated NC. I told her I couldn't handle it, and it just didn't make sense to continue our friendship, (note we were like best friends, and my feelings kind of came rushing back after a bit, I have also dated since her) because it was unfair to me. With her dating this guy, there is absolutely no benefit to me, but there is a lot for her, she still has a guy to listen to her BS and rants and doesn't have to do that with her boyfriend, basically I'd be dating her and he'd be the one getting to sleep next to her to some extent.

 

She called me last night tear-filled (even though I told her I didn't want to hear from her, I didn't realize it was her number until after I answered) saying how much she misses me and that she's sorry she called because it goes against my wishes. Sounds like she had had a rough night (we only talked for ten minutes, she didn't tell me what happened) and my guess is she didn't have anyone to talk too and realize she missed me at that moment.

 

My thoughts are that I should stand my ground with the NC because no matter how much she says she misses me (whether it's genuine or not), it doesn't change the situation. Of course I still care about the girl, but it doesn't make much sense to continue a relationship. I realize there is no romantic feelings on her side anymore, and despite that I felt I couldn't let her go, that's why I went NC. Which actually helped a lot, she was out of my mind completely until she called me. Seems kind of manipulative on her part, because she knows my personality.

 

Agree/Disagree?

 

Funny how no one truly appreciates you until you're gone.

[clerm27]

I think this may be somewhat your problem. Along with many of the users on this forum people are too focussed on sex.

 

Maybe I've misinterpreted and you're nothing like that, in which case I apologise OP but can you see where I'm coming from with the quotes?

 

 

Yeah I'm really not. I didn't expect sex from her at all. We fooled around when we 'dated', but we never actually had sex. When I mean there is no benefit to me in this friendship, I mean that she's dating a guy while I'm clearly crazy about her. The only thing continuing a friendship is going to do is hurt me, where as she gets her "Supplemental Boyfriend" as the above poster said, and has someone to listen to the crap she has to say about her boyfriend.

[clerm27]

This is what I call the "Boyfriend Supplement." She wants you to fill in her needs when her boyfriend can't: Hear her problems, emotional support, etc. You're like a security blanket when things aren't going well. You were right to recognize you're not getting anything in return.

 

Continue NC

 

This is exactly how I feel, I'm glad to see that I've made the right decision. I like the boyfriend supplement title, because that's exactly what I am to her. Makes no sense to continue down this road.

 

Thanks for the reply! I really appreciate it!

[CJ B-Boy]

I've been in this situation and it sucks! And no matter how much you g over it in your head it doesn't have a happy ending. If she truly cared for you she would leave this guy and be with you. She is just being selfish. I had an ex who always used to call/text/email me when she had had an argument with her bf. I think she got off on knowing how much it would piss him off speaking to me. She would text me 10 times a day and then just stop and I would wonder why? I would be txin her and get no reply. Then I would Delete her number and 6 months later get a call from her out of the blue sayin she'd split with her bf again! I went round in this circle for literally YEARS. My advice is get out of it now. When she calls you either ignore it or tell her you can't do this anymore.

 

Good luck with the situation dude!