TrueColors Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) ...especially if he's with his not-so-new girlfriend. It's been over a year and I've successfully managed to avoid running into him, even though I've passed through his area a few times. But now the inevitable is staring me in the face as I want to go and see a band play at a clubnight happening in a few weeks. Initially, I wasn't going to go, because this clubnight has been his/our event and I've purposely stayed away from him and any reminders of. Nevertheless, this is the only time that I'll get to see this band perform as it's the only gig they're playing in my city and they don't tour that often. Chances are he will be with his girlfriend and/or his friends. The last image the ex has of me is of a quivering wreck and not being one to confidently handle emotions himself has quite comfortably managed to stay away from me, not least of all because I requested it. I've had confirmation from a mutual friend that he will be there (and no, I didn't ask him to find out). I really want to go, but at what expense? Part of me says to stay away at all costs, as it will be detrimental to my emotional healing. It still feels raw: especially now that I realise that he may have been emotionally cheating on me over the last few months of our relationship, as his current girlfriend was already part of his social circle at the time we broke up. The other part is stamping my foot down and insisting I'm giving him too much power and that I am letting him control me, which just makes me feel weak and angry at myself - and him. So, tips on what to do/not do? What have people's experiences been like when in a similar situation? How did you cope? I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons, so if anyone can provide some helpful insight, that would be much appreciated. Edited October 10, 2011 by TrueColors Link to post Share on other sites
Yuzuki Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I guess this may not be of much use to you but what I do when I'm forced to be in the same room with him (we work together) is to avoid eye contact at all costs. This requires a LOT of effort because once you know where he is, and once you've seen him from the corner of your eye, instinctively you will look straight at him within the next second. But I find that when I manage to keep myself from doing this it's not quite as bad. That is, of course, assuming that he doesn't come up to you for a chat. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Go to the gig ! You never know , you might meet someone . You will have fun , and dont let him ruin it . If he last saw you in a mess , find a hot outfit , get your hair and make up done and strut your stuff ! If you see him , don't look sad even if you are dying inside . Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueColors Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 I guess this may not be of much use to you but what I do when I'm forced to be in the same room with him (we work together) is to avoid eye contact at all costs. This requires a LOT of effort because once you know where he is, and once you've seen him from the corner of your eye, instinctively you will look straight at him within the next second. But I find that when I manage to keep myself from doing this it's not quite as bad. Yuzuki, every little helps, so your experience is valued . I couldn't imagine having to see the ex everyday, let alone work with him. But the bolded part is what I'm weary of. I think even just being in the same space as him will have my guard up from the get go, so that I'm not able to relax and let go. That is, of course, assuming that he doesn't come up to you for a chat. Knowing him, he probably wouldn't, unless we literally bumped into each other. Go to the gig ! You never know , you might meet someone . You will have fun , and dont let him ruin it . If he last saw you in a mess , find a hot outfit , get your hair and make up done and strut your stuff ! If you see him , don't look sad even if you are dying inside . Ha, Ha, thanks for the suggestion Buttercup! Well, funnily enough, I will be with a workmate, who happens to be a (much younger) guy. I'm not interested in him though (though I'm not sure what his intentions are!). I don't want to play games - mainly cos I've had enough of them and we're not in high school anymore. However, I do still want to give the ex the impression that I'm not hurting anymore (which, I am, but I know it's more to do with my issues rather than him - he's just the trigger). Urgh, why do I have to care so much! Plus, I will have a few mutual friends there too. It could all get a bit complicated... Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I say go. I see my ex all the time, blah. We are in the same tight social circle, so I see him a few times a month! And on top of it, I see him and his gf. I wont lie- it sucks, I feel ill, like I wna cry, my heart races, etc- but it kinda passes. Even though I feel all this, I refuse to let him effect my life like that. Why should I not go to things? Esp since it has been months, I cant avoid things forever, so I kinda jumped in head first. It is hard as all hell, i wont deny that, but I am also proud of my strength, so screw him. So I say go and do your thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Choose Life Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Why stay away and put your life on hold? They say the best revenge is going forwards and being happy without your ex. I would go, have a great time, wear something you feel a million dollars in, and say stuff you, this is me, moving on. Have a brilliant time :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueColors Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Awww, thanks guys. Logically I know this to be the done thing to do. Already planning my outfit. Guess I'll have to mosh extra hard as well! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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