something you said

[to tony (and anyone else)]

tony, you said in an earlier post to me about "nothing like feeling like a burden to your boyfriend" something like that. the reason was cause i feel like i always ruin his fun cause i said i am quiet, dull, boring, reserved, etc.

 

well this guy is also very moody and quick to bite my head off about the stupidest things, in my opinion, not his, but he quickly recovers and acts like nothing happened. over the weekend i took special notice of all the times he got crabby, and i come to the conclusion that it is his personality, like a type A person.

 

i realzied that no matter how fun i try to be, it is his moods that cause more problems between us but my personality and the way i see it as ruining his fun causes the problems for me.

 

i tell myself that i am not going to keep putting up with this but then when he does it again and i find myself at fault somehow as well, like maybe i pushed him too much for an answer about something, then i decide i have to try harder and harder.

 

i strive so hard and keep trying so hard, hearing myself say to myself that i can't quit, this is my fault too, and so i strive and keep trying to reach something that seems out of my reach.

 

i would feel so guilty if i stopped trying and just gave up! i think about his good qualities and how much he can be so loving, so sweet, so good to me, and i don't ever want to leave him, but then i think about how his behaviours drive me nuts and i never know how he will respond. sometimes he apologizes for his behaviour and that helps cause he at least knowledges it.

 

so today i asked him if he will look into the SAMEe or kava kave for his moods, he said they are warranted at times (his moods), i don't agree, but i said will you PLEASE do something about them? he said if i do something about mine. i know i get moody at times too, mostly hormonal, but his is a daily occurence. so i'll see what happens. i hate to leave him, cause he stuck with me when i went through a bad time too, but this is driving me crazy and putting me in a bad mood as well.

 

sorry this is so long! any advice on how to handle things from here on out?

[Tony T]

You answered your own question. You are going to try to put up with him and see how it works. But if you go on and things stay sour, you just need to leave.

 

Staying with someone who creates havoc in your life just because he was there for you at one time is a little irrational. That's like staying in the middle of a forest fire because you were able to climb one of the trees once and save yourself from a wild animal. YOU ARE STILL GOING TO BURN UP!!!

 

You seem to be looking for some magic potion and there is none. You know what to do.

[Deejette]

Sometimes people just stop trying, once their relationship is a sure thing. They know their girlfriend or boyfriend will forgive them, so they abuse the situation and forget their "party manners." They act grouchy and rude, but if a stranger appears on the scene they are Mr. Nice Guy/Ms. Nice Girl. But if we put up with bad behavior, they think they can get away with it and won't even try to improve. I don't think it is good for anyone's self-esteem to tolerate negativity on a regular basis.

You answered your own question. You are going to try to put up with him and see how it works. But if you go on and things stay sour, you just need to leave. Staying with someone who creates havoc in your life just because he was there for you at one time is a little irrational. That's like staying in the middle of a forest fire because you were able to climb one of the trees once and save yourself from a wild animal. YOU ARE STILL GOING TO BURN UP!!! You seem to be looking for some magic potion and there is none. You know what to do.