ahhhchooo Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I signed up to these forums 3 years ago after my ex dumped me without warning or even telling me and cheating on me. During that time I haven't had any serious relationships. 6 months ago I finally met someone. We hit it off big time. We were both interested in building a future with a special someone. Around the 4 month mark we were already discussing our future... things moved very fast. But slowly and surely arguments started springing up in our relationship. They started small and became big. I would try to calm her down but it never worked. I never initiated these fights, not once. I got tired of the fighting and broke up with her. I missed her, I took her back after about a month. Well that was the biggest mistake of my life. Our relationship continued for roughly another 5-6 weeks. Things got so horrible that she was at my throat every night and would regularly storm out... over nothing. Because the way I chewed annoyed her... silly stuff like that. I didn't leave because I was scared to be without her, so I just loved on her even more. Well, it couldn't last. She stormed out last friday and I'm in agony now. The worst thing is that I still want her. I still want things to work. It's been 5 days and I have begged her a few times during this time. I'd say about once a day I break down and send her a few messages begging her to come and talk about things with me. She won't. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Wow.......she sounds a tad cranky. Is she like this with others too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Well, I've seen her fire up at other people before. I'd be listening to a conversation and since I knew her so well I could see where the conversation was headed. The other person would just be oblivious that they were about to get insulted, but I knew it was coming. She is a psychology major and thinks she's very clever because she uses push/pull tactics on people to manipulate them. She even admitted to me when she was drunk once that she manipulates me with her behaviour and she wishes she could stop. That's why it was always so hard to tell if she was being completely serious or just having one of her tantrums. The only way I can even tell she's 100% serious now is that she hasn't contacted me in 5 days - we've never gone even an entire day without contact. Even when we were broken up I never went 2 days the first time without hearing from her. I know she is really messed up and her previous relationships have all turned out more or less the same as ours did. But I sort of want to save her from herself. I know deep down she wants to be with me but she sabotages the relationship so bad that both of us constantly feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I briefly dated someone who was manipulative, to the point of driving me nuts. I finally had to say good-bye to her. It hurt like hell, because I really liked her. But I had to weigh the two, good versus the bad. The bad outweighed the good and I had to let her go. Perhaps her own admission of being a manipulator might be enough for you to make up your own mind as to what to do? Have you heard back from her? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 You dodged a bullet. At least she went psycho on you 5 months into the relationship instead of 5 years. You're probably wondering if it is you, but it's not, it's her. There are far more mature ways of handling conflict than "going at someone's throat" as she did to you. She sounds bat-shyte crazy dude! What you are feeling is actually a chemical reaction. When a relationship ends, it can actually be physiologically equivalent to going through crack withdrawal. Accept the pain but know that it will get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 You dodged a bullet. At least she went psycho on you 5 months into the relationship instead of 5 years. You're probably wondering if it is you, but it's not, it's her. There are far more mature ways of handling conflict than "going at someone's throat" as she did to you. She sounds bat-shyte crazy dude! What you are feeling is actually a chemical reaction. When a relationship ends, it can actually be physiologically equivalent to going through crack withdrawal. Accept the pain but know that it will get better with time. And also, the constantly walking out on someone and not saying when they'll be back is a form of abuse and control (manipulation). That hurts like hell. It's like being 'dumped' (for lack of a better term) over and over again. You also said "actually a chemical reaction". It truly feels that way. Some people we care for are able to release those happy endorphins, it seems. When they are not there, we can't get our "fix" any longer. And we just feel like crap for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 You're probably wondering if it is you, but it's not, it's her. There are far more mature ways of handling conflict than "going at someone's throat" as she did to you. What you are feeling is actually a chemical reaction. When a relationship ends, it can actually be physiologically equivalent to going through crack withdrawal. Accept the pain but know that it will get better with time. This poster is correct...it's her. She clearly has issues with dealing with others and can't properly communicate. I know it's hard and it hurts. But try to realize that this wasn't going to get better...and it would have resulted in you being basically emotionally and verbally abused. the way you chewed annoyed her? I mean, come on. No one is perfect...yes everyone has quirks that we may not like...but to be mean and miserable...you need to find someone that loves you unconditionally...quirky chewer or not I know it's hard to accept that we are better off without the one we love. But it is true...and once we accept that we can start to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) This poster is correct...it's her. She clearly has issues with dealing with others and can't properly communicate. I know it's hard and it hurts. But try to realize that this wasn't going to get better...and it would have resulted in you being basically emotionally and verbally abused. the way you chewed annoyed her? I mean, come on. No one is perfect...yes everyone has quirks that we may not like...but to be mean and miserable...you need to find someone that loves you unconditionally...quirky chewer or not I know it's hard to accept that we are better off without the one we love. But it is true...and once we accept that we can start to heal. Yep, everything she thought was cute and funny about me in the beginning turned into stuff she hated. One time she was having her daily tantrum and I asked her "what do you like about me?" and she went even more beserk. Regularly during her tantrums I'd beg her to communicate the problem with me so we could talk through it, but really it was just abusing me because she felt bad for whatever reason. She has never gone this quiet on me before, which leads me to suspect she has found someone else's spirit to crush. Her behaviour changed a lot overnight after the break up - I admit doing a bit of e-stalking and she doesn't do any of the stuff she used to. Sometimes I feel like I miss her really badly, other times I just feel lonely, but I always feel empty without her. I begged for the first few days and sent her a message yesterday, not saying much. I guess I just wanted an excuse to contact. I'll stop now. Today is the 6th day without her. I want to have sex with her so badly. Mike, I have not heard from her. Edited October 11, 2011 by ahhhchooo Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Mike, I have not heard from her. I know you miss her. But considering her awful behavior toward you, it might be best you try to move on the best you can. And yeah, no contact might be the way to go here. Any further replies from her could be laced with even more hatred, crushing you further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I know you miss her. But considering her awful behavior toward you, it might be best you try to move on the best you can. And yeah, no contact might be the way to go here. Any further replies from her could be laced with even more hatred, crushing you further. I miss her when she's not "at her worst". We broke up while she was on her period, she was PMSing beforehand longer than usual and we just didn't survive her rage. She blames me for everything and said I hurt her more than the time she was raped. I'm serious about NC now, no more little messages to get her attention. I'll just find out soon enough that she has moved on to another guy. She always rebounds her relationships, I was a rebound as was the last guy and the guy before him... I hope I can stay strong enough to not contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I miss her when she's not "at her worst". We broke up while she was on her period, she was PMSing beforehand longer than usual and we just didn't survive her rage. She blames me for everything and said I hurt her more than the time she was raped. I'm serious about NC now, no more little messages to get her attention. I'll just find out soon enough that she has moved on to another guy. She always rebounds her relationships, I was a rebound as was the last guy and the guy before him... I hope I can stay strong enough to not contact her. Hey, this is interesting. Her period could be causing some of this, and she's embarrassed by it when it's over, perhaps. Go to google and type in "PMS rage" Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) I don't think it matters. It's an ongoing problem and she has chosen to cut me out of her life now. I begged and told her that I still want her in my life. She said we are toxic to each other, which is true. I think she is not ready for a relationship and never has been. Every relationship she's had ended with her cutting the other person completely out of her life. It's just my turn Her ex pleaded with her for a good 3 or 4 months. So I did for a good 3 or 4 days, but I'm not going to be that guy. It didn't work for him and won't work for me. Edited October 12, 2011 by ahhhchooo Link to post Share on other sites
Farrah Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 We tend to make excuses for the partner that wronged us. Stop analyzing and justifying her behaviour whats wrong is wrong. Two wrongs don't make it right nor will you by going in circles.Let her go...if she truely loves you she will come back. But you have to be patient could be a long haul 3-6-12months.*REmember your NOT her babysitter. I miss her when she's not "at her worst". We broke up while she was on her period, she was PMSing beforehand longer than usual and we just didn't survive her rage. She blames me for everything and said I hurt her more than the time she was raped. I'm serious about NC now, no more little messages to get her attention. I'll just find out soon enough that she has moved on to another guy. She always rebounds her relationships, I was a rebound as was the last guy and the guy before him... I hope I can stay strong enough to not contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 We tend to make excuses for the partner that wronged us. Stop analyzing and justifying her behaviour whats wrong is wrong. Two wrongs don't make it right nor will you by going in circles.Let her go...if she truely loves you she will come back. But you have to be patient could be a long haul 3-6-12months.*REmember your NOT her babysitter. I'm serious about NC... we broke up a full 6 days ago now and she's done nothing to suggest that she isn't serious about it. Her habits have changed which suggests someone else is taking her attention (based off the stalking... which I shouldn't have done). I expected her to hook up with someone new, based off her past behaviour. This hour signifies the first full 24 hours I have gone without sending or receiving ANYTHING. I've been out drinking with a friend and I'm rather inebriated right now. Dunno if that is supposed to magnify my desire to contact her or kill it - but I'm not interested! Have a few dates lined up for tomorrow and the weekend from an online dating site. I need to get laid because I'm desperate to have sex with her and keep masturbating over her photos/videos. It's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Sweetie...you miss her when she is not at her worst...but that's apparently a big part of who she is. And....keep in mind...leopard's don't change their spots, without cosmetic surgery So, unless she gets treatment for her anger/rage issues...they will exist with the next and the next and the next. You were not going to soothe the beast so to speak and the fact that you couldn't do not reflect on you. I have to keep in mind that my ex told me a month before we broke up that he had been a committed relationship for 15 years before me...and he just feels like he needs to have "new experiences" (meaning sex with lots of women)....so the next girl that he starts dating isn't suddenly going to fulfill him...he was a malcontent. He wanted the attention and the excitement that a committed relationship doesn't have IN HIS EYES> I wasn't going to change that...and so the next girl will start out all new and exciting and then he will want "new and exciting" again. It doesn't reflect on me. (I say this today on a good day...I know things fluctuate) But try to realize taht you seem to have escaped a rather abusive relationship....learn from it...and don't let the next person beat you down so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) Well an update.. it's been 2 months, I was NC since my last posting. She did contact me last week saying she misses me etc but I brushed her off. I was pretty proud of myself last night when I thought to myself: WTF WAS I THINKING? Even playing video games with my friends is better than what I had with her. She bitched so much. She drove me nuts. And now we're happier this way. Edited December 14, 2011 by ahhhchooo Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahhhchooo Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 She ended up totally breaking down and saying she loved me, she's always loved me, she looks at my pics every day... whole bunch of garbage. I slept with her on Friday and for about 36 hours it was like nothing ever happened. We had some incredible sex. Then BOOM she tells me she is "not looking to date" and I haven't heard from her since. I didn't contact her for like 4 days and then I decided to send her an email saying that her words & actions don't match up. If she meant half of what she said then she'd be with me trying to make things work and not avoiding/ignoring me. I told her if she has anything to say, say it now, because I have been dating a great girl and things are looking like they are going to become exclusive. She didn't reply - this is well and truly finished. I hope she never tries to reach out to me because it would be hard for me to push her away, but I will have to for my own good. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts