heartsdesire Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 Me a MW having a affair with a MM for 5 yrs now I love him so much my heart bleeds . but i need to know if he loves me. i never ask but one time something really had him down i ask what it was he said you know. i told him he knows how my mind thinks he said ok. I wait a day call him back saying i got it you love me. He only laughed that laugh he does cause i know him so well. we talk all the time. not just about us but everything lean on each other as you can say. he once said all we talk about is sex knwing thats not true telling him he'll see well i think two days had went by without speaking now we have a everyday chat. but two days and he was already calling wanting advice on work anf telling me of the things he had done since we last talk. i say and you were saying just sex hah? him laughing again. we have tried to call it off many times but its always a cat and mouse game when i'm chasing he's running or vise versa. things always mysticaly pull us together. we have this abillity to read the others thoughts being miles away. air vibes i call it. he say's things like you wouldn't have me anyway's or if i did how do i know he wouldn't do that to you. or when i say i love you he says i know. with that smile and this thing that our yes does we need to say nothing at all. and the way he trembles when we touch yeah still after this long we both melt in each others arm's. But he feels guilty of doing this wrong , if he feels so bad and loves his wife why not stop. if it's just sex why not move on to the next. to me i would think me loving would scare him away. He's 40, me 30 him married 18yrs me 14 yrs. but i know i don't love my husband . yes he knows we've only been roomates for the past 6 years. together for the kids but they have no idea we live separte lives. . i know i need to leave it all the marriage the affair. But i feel i can't move on without knowing does he love me or care. he want say either way because he feels saying it makes it real and real will make it hurt. so can you tell me what the tears are for when i hold him in my arms? can a 5 yr affair be emtionalless with all that we share. the everyday chat's , the tears, the trembles , the magic, the air vibes he say's is blackmagic. The eye's. Does he care less ,being so cruel. ? Help does he love me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Jacksin Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 When I first started reading your post I formed the opinion you were about 12 years old, because of the childlike way it was written. Then when I saw that you were 30 (down near the merciful end) I thought that you cant be serious! Result: You two deserve each other. For five years you have both been cheating on your spouses and kids, just for a bit of sex. If your grubby little affair was anything more, he would have left his wife and you two could have floated off in your air-vibes blackmagic tears and trembling crap and never be heard of again. Jack Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 This is not a real relationship. It's based on lies & deception. You both find excitement in the illicitness of it all, I'm sure. Trust me, if this guy left his wife,m oved in with you and you had him 24/7 you'd probably both be bored with each other within 1 year. Then you'd probably start cheating on each other. He obviously thinks it's OK to lie to his wife and cheat on her.....so why not lie to you and cheat on you? Who knows, he might have two othe rwomen he's been stringing along too! Sorry to be harsh, but you sound like you need a dose of hard, cold reality Link to post Share on other sites
Jacksin Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Well said Karlise Jack Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Come on...why is it still an affair after five years? Obviously he loves the idea of you (sneaking and being unfaithful to his wife - NOT FAIR) but loves you....not really. If he really loved you, you guys would be exclusively together instead of being sneaks around on your poor spouses. CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER! Link to post Share on other sites
mywife'smanalways Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 "Heartsdesire"- I am afraid that if you are here looking for sympathy for your 'plight' you are going to be very disappointed. You must face facts- you are an adulterer. You and the 'man' with which you are carrying on. Having been the spouse on the receiving end of this sort of treachery, I find myself wanting to unload on you, but I shall resist this powerful temptation. Please just let me say this.....you are (whether you like it or not) still a married woman. You must decide now, at once, to do the right thing and stop this outrageous behavior. YOU HAVE CHILDREN AT STAKE HERE. You must also seek couseling as soon as possible...........but first and foremost, you must realize that what you are doing is W-R-O-N-G. PERIOD. Fix it or pay the price. But the problem is, your children will pay too, and more dearly than you can imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
amish Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 YUCK!!! Enjoy your affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 I have to agree with Karlise13 on this one. It is TOTALLY wrong!!!!! If he can cheat on his wife for so long it wouldn't take very long to cheat on you once you guys are exclusive with each other. And yes, your kids are in this too. My Mother has been married 3 different times while I was growing up and it was no picnic. She still finds it amazing that I have been married for 16 years after experiencing her, "Husband Jumping", but what she doesn't realize is that it damaged me for life. Think of your kids, end this affair, concentrate on your family! Link to post Share on other sites
otherwomen Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Hey don't worry about anything. People don't understand something unless they have been in that same situation. I wouldn't listen to any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
ex_pookie Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 DOES HE LOVE ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS? This type of thing makes me very angry. Instead of worrying if this cheating jackass loves you (he doesn't by the way, he has to learn to love himself first..ditto for you) Maybe you should be worried about your own marriage. This has been going on for 5 years? Is your husband oblivious? I think you should bite your bullet and tell your husband what's going on. Dont sit there and lie to him day after day after day. Dont let your children see you lying. WHat kind of example are you setting for them? Ok dears, if u get bored of your spouse its okay to go fool around for five freaken years as long as no body knows!! THink about this for two seconds. Cheaters destroy lives. No good ever comes from it. EVER. So give your head a shake, come back to reality, at take care of your real life, not this black magic life crap. Be a wife, Be a mom. And if u can't handle that admit to it, don't lie about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Response to otherwoman.....'Things happen?" Great attitude. So, in other words...don't take any responsibility for your actions? Just lay back and passively let the **** hit the fan? Very helpful. I commend you for your maturity. "People don't understand something unless they have been in the same situation" OK, well get this...some of the posters here have been the OW and others have been the cheated-on spouse. Guess what? Some of us have been on both ends of the stick. I was the OW for about a year with guy I met in college. He was engaged to be married but they had a lot of problems. Meanwhile, I was so completely f***d up with regards to relationships, I couldn't feel any empathy for the fiancee nor did I take any responsibility for the affair. Result: A NUMBER OF PEOPLE GOT HURT!!!! Oh, and I've been cheated on too. A man I had a very serious relationship with (we were talking engagement) ended up having an affair with a girl I was friendly with who lived in our same building. Result: I was humiliated, devastated and couldn't trust anyone else for years. I also felt I deserved it for my past actions, so I indulged in lots of self hatred. Otherwoman, OUR ACTIONS MATTER. OUR ACTIONS AFFECT OTHERS. No, it is not enough to say, "things happen" We let things happen. We engineer our lives to encourage certain things to action. Then we refuse to think or focus on the results of our behavior. That's why lives end up so f****d up. Heartsdesire, here's some real advice: Listen to the posters who advise you to find the strength to leave this man. They may be coming across harshly, but their intent is good. This is NOT a relationship. This is a convenient arrangement for a really screwed up guy. Practice saying to him, "This arrangement no longer suits me. I am going to pursue a real relationship with someone capable of giving me one," Good luck hon Link to post Share on other sites
leilab Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 If you want advice - pleaase post on the OW thread. As you see you will only get slammed here. I hear your story and there are many of us that have shared our story & tried to help each other on the other topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Hey otherwoman, I can't see how you would say that cheating on your spouse is ok.....it's obvious to me that you don't care about anyone except for yourself.....stay out of it would you? You're giving very poor advice and this person shouldn't listen to you at all!!!! I understand the freedom to express your opinions, but please, keep the bad advice to yourself. I'd say 90% of the people in this forum feel that cheating is not acceptable. Judging from you're handle, I'd say you would never find me wanting to have a relationship with the likes of you.....if your were the other woman before, there probably isn't a whole lot to stop you from doing it again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts