my boyfriends ex girlfriend (first love, first everything....)

[hurt]

my story sounds trivial compared to some other stories i've read on this site but i need some help with this ...

 

my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. his ex girlfriend, his first love, the first girl he lost his virginity to (choose whatever you want to call her) and he dated for a year and a half also. they broke up in 2001 and one other girlfriend and two years later, he still cared about his first love. totally understandable...but about six months into our relationship, he moved back home (not for long) and on his entertainment center (he had moved from his past apartment) was a bear saying 'someone loves you', come to find out it was from his ex. i also noticed he had an empty golf ball box, when i looked inside (thinking nothing bad), there were pictures of his ex girlfriend and letters and notes and cards all either to or from her, most of them telling each other how much they love one another.

 

i asked him to please put these things out of my sight or throw them away. he told me he had thrown them away although i found out later, he hadn't. eventuelly, nine months into our relationship, he threw all these things away, pouting and getting mad the entire time.

 

ever since then, i am so hurt, even still. i can't stop thinking about this girl (i dont know who she is although i have seen her a couple of times where i work, i've talked to her but she doesn't know that im his live-in girlfriend). him and i have been through hell and back and everything was starting to calm down until i mentioned her name (unknowingly) and he got REALLY mad and started yelling at me. he is really a great guy, he does everything for me and we're both working hard to keep this relationship together ... although this is one thing i am incredibly stuck on.

 

i know i'm the only one he wants to be with, he lives with me and we have a puppy together, but i still cannot get her out of my head.

 

any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! =-)

[hurtingandconfused]

everything was starting to calm down until i mentioned her name (unknowingly) and he got REALLY mad and started yelling at me.

 

he is really a great guy,

 

Huh?? You are not making any sense here.

 

i know i'm the only one he wants to be with, he lives with me and we have a puppy together, but i still cannot get her out of my head.

 

Are you sure?? Talk to him and find out what is happening.

[hurt]

everything calmed down between him and i ... we used to fight because of her all the time ... but then i mentioned her name one day and he flipped on me.

 

he doens't even talk to the girl anymore and hes doing everything he possibly can to try and get me over this. we have been through a ton together and it took me finding out i was pregnant to throw all the pictures away.

 

i guess this is somthing i will eventuelly get over on my own.

[XNemesisX]

Are you SURE he doesn't still have feelings for her?

 

Why did they break up? Who broke up with whom?

 

Do not take this the wrong way, but is your being pregnant the only motivation he has had for ceasing contact with her, if this is even true? (let's not forget how other peoples behavior can hardly be controlled when they are hellbent on something).

 

I have been in a similar situation. My boyfriend of the time still kept every friggin lil thing from one of his ex's that he met on a spring break trip that he told his roommate (who was also my friend) that he would always love, etc etc..and that if they did not live so far apart they woudl be together blah blah.

 

What are the circumstances here? Ends up, at least this is my theory, the EX did not want to be with my boyfriend! If things were the way he wanted them to be, he would not be with me he would be with her! I was also more convenient because I lived closer.

 

do you know why they broke up? If she broke it off with him, I would ESPECIALLY be concerned. Not wanting to give up those things..the teddy bear...getting mad when you had him throw that junk away......EEEEEEE doesn't sound so good at all. Red flags.

[Thinkalot]

We all sometimes like to hang onto old momentos. That in itself seems OK to me. My guy and I have both kept old love letters from the past...we've just stored them away at our parent's houses.

 

He may have some residual attachments he doesn't even realise, but doesn't sound like he does to me.

 

It sounds like your insecurity is the issue here. I have been so hung up on my guy's ex-wife I know what you can go through. There was a thread on here a while back , called "Obsessed with my boyfriends ex girlfriend" and it had more than 100 replies! Many girls in the same spot as you, many worrying about things when they didn't need to...just like I also have.

 

Try and let it go and move forward with him. It's hard but you can do it!