mimi0297 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hi everyone! I'm a newbie on here, and I never thought I'd be in a forum looking for support but I'm in so much pain. My ex broke off our 3-year-long relationship 5 months ago. To be honest, our relationship was mostly bad from the start because we didn't get along as a couple. The main problem was usually his extreme jealousy (to the point where I couldn't even talk to any guy, nor go out with my girlfriends, or even to the gym!) and the fact that he was controlling. As time went on, I started holding against him the fact that I felt like I was missing out on life, and began doing little things to "get back at him". Believe it or not, however, we even were planning on getting married. When our relationship was bad, it was horrible, but when it was good it was amazing and so special. We were the best of friends and knew each other better than anyone, but I guess nothing could save such an effed up relationship. After we broke up I was devastated and bed-ridden for about a week. His reason for breaking up at first was that he had so many problems in his life and he couldn't deal with everything. As time went on, it seemed like every time we talked a REAL reason came out until we both came to the conclusion that the main factor that made him end it was the fact that he realized that the whole time we were together he loved me but wasn't in love with me. So he dragged it out for years because he didn't wanna hurt me (great :-/). I've gone through all the stages of denial, sadness, anger, and numbness. I've made time for myself, worked, studied, had fun with my friends, and even doubted the fact that I was really in love with him. But as time has passed, that pain is still in my heart, and I've realized how much in love I am with him. We've remained friends, but he has respected the fact that I don't want to have much contact with him until I felt that I was strong enough. However, now we have a class together in college and felt it was safe to start talking a little more. The problem is that he really likes a coworker of his very much and plans on asking her out. It really hurts me so much to know that, and it doesn't help that I have all the pain of our failed relationship, an unrequited love, the loss of everything (I thought) we had, and the fact that he has moved on (well, he moved on before we were even broken up). I'm fully aware that we're over FOR GOOD, and I honestly have no desire to get back together with him because even if he changed and actually cared, I know we just don't work together and I'm fine with that. I also really want him to be happy because he deserves to be happy and it's not his fault that I can't move on. He knows all this because we're still very good friends and will stay part of each other's lives no matter what, so we have talked about it. I know this is usually a bad idea, but it is what it is. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I want to be happy again and be able to live my life without hurting all the time. I know it takes time, and I've had my heart broken before, but this is me really being in love and having had my heart completely DESTROYED. I think me writing this post is totally pointless because I don't think there's anything that can make me feel better or anything I can do to get over it except to live my life and hope time heals my wounds. Anyone have a similar experience? I'd love to hear from someone who has been in this miserable position and gotten through it Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 mimi, this guy was indeed controlling. Not even allowed to go to the gym to improve yourself? Sheesh! If someone really loves you and cares for you, they will allow you to take care of your own health. So now he is interested in another woman? Count your blessings!! Ok, I know that was rough. And getting back to your own feelings, it's gonna take a while to heal from a long-term relationship. Mine of 5.5 years took me about 3 years to recover from, mainly because we had wrapped our whole lives and finances around it and everything fell to pieces in a big way. So give it more time. One day you'll be ok again and say to yourself, "What the heck was I so upset about? Hmmmmmm.....I'm not any longer. I am ok again!" See ya Mike Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 If you keep in contact with him and talk to him every day then its going to take you years to get over him You have to learn to let go. You can't be his friend. Its time to end that. No Contact is the quickest way to move on past where you are at and stop the hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 If you keep in contact with him and talk to him every day then its going to take you years to get over him You have to learn to let go. You can't be his friend. Its time to end that. No Contact is the quickest way to move on past where you are at and stop the hurt. Yep. I agree here too. Having no contact at all makes things a lot easier and you heal quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mimi0297 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Mike, I can't imagine having to go through that! It kind of makes my situation seem a little silly, but I know that when out hearts are broken we think that our pain is incomparable. Wilson, I do think that no contact will make stuff easier, although it's gonna be extremely difficult to let go of my best friend. What I do know is that every day I feel a little stronger, and even though I have my days, being on this forum (while I'm supposed to be working) seems to be helping already Thanks for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hey, mimi, your situation is not silly at all. Don't minimize! Those are real true feelings you have. But yeah, overall, it will get better. It just takes time and time well spent. mike Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hey Mimi, you're going to be okay. It will just take a lot of time and effort, no contact with your ex and some introspection. I've been broken up with my ex bf for more than a year now. I haven't responded to his messages since more than half of a year. It seems like a vague memory. Of course, my heart was broken into a million pieces and i miss him. But you do survive. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger eh ... In the long run, you'll feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 only NC will work. trust me!! i have done every other option known to man-kind other than kidnapping him. none of them work if you are still emotionally involved and they are for whatever reason, not in the same sense! i was doing really well almost 2 months NC and had an incident which led to this terrible situation i am in right now, just like i was in the beginning.. not as emotional i guess, but just as much pain and i think it doesnt get any easier after each time, maybe with another person, but definitely not with the same one. Stick with NC and it does work if you follow through with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts