Finally - Ended it last night - Day 1 of NC

[Owl]

Owl, I honestly did not think he would be trying to reach out to me so soon! he NEEDS time, he ASKED for time alone!.

 

I don't mean to sound ignorant but do I block his number by contacting my cell phone provider? or is that something I can do from my phone?

 

I definitely do not like the feeling of him trying to contact me whenever HE FEELS LIKE IT, no way, what about me?? that is not fair to me.

 

It depends on your provider. Some allow you to block (ignore without going to voicemail or ringing the phone) on the handset, others will block those inbound calls even before they reach your handset.

 

Ask your provider what can be done here.

[Hazyhead]

Hi SoHurtful. First of all, well done for seeing him for who he really is. NOW remember it. Keep that side of him - the side that has led you to this pain with his fence-sitting (albeit with consent so far), in the forefront of your mind and when he gets back in touch, the best thing to do, is do nothing. Every little message, no matter how short, or rude, will lead to another. Trust me. Wipe contact in every way you can, it's a faff, but worth it. He'll probably still find a way, but persist. Please don't feel you have to explain to him in a pleasant way. That's what he wants you to do so he can engage you in a heart-to-heart. Just be done.

 

This situation is not going to lead to what you want out of life. But, you know what, those that will are out there but whilst closed off for him, they'll not come to you.

 

NC is cr@p. At first. When you come through the other side, it's wonderful and full of possibility.

 

You can do it

[So Hurtful]

Came back from lunch and guess what? I had a missed call from him at work. Grrrrrr, I guess I did not make myself clear about letting him have the space he asked for!! I told him, "no, no need to communicate if you need your space, I don't want us to hide anymore and if you love me like you say you do please stop confusing me with the going back and forth!!, I want you to be sure of what it is you want to do".

 

Of course, I will not return the call. I will NEVER initiate contact because I do respect his wish to have time to himself to be able to think with a "clear head" like he said. I am hurting but I know how to move on and I will not pursue a man when he has told me he needs space!! I love him but I need to feel that love being reciprocated and I told him that.

[Owl]

Q.E.D.

 

He won't respond to anything less than a flat out "NO MORE".

 

Even then, he's going to look for wriggling room to resume the affair.

 

Set your boundaries, clearly and concisely, on what you'll accept as your requirements to continue a relationship with him...and make it clear that he's not welcome in your life until he meets those requirements.

[So Hurtful]

Q.E.D.

 

He won't respond to anything less than a flat out "NO MORE".

 

Even then, he's going to look for wriggling room to resume the affair.

 

Set your boundaries, clearly and concisely, on what you'll accept as your requirements to continue a relationship with him...and make it clear that he's not welcome in your life until he meets those requirements.

Well, I learned something new today! the meaning of Q.E.D. (I had to look it up online)!!

 

I am sure he has not "cleared" his head in two days! give me a break MM!! I am sure nothing has changed since Monday evening and he is still all "stressed out" about our situation and his situation at home. He needs to get a grip on himself and handle his business (which is his relationship at home).

[heartinlove]

Your situation is very similar to mine. I have to say, it kinda pisses me off how similar all these scenarios are. When you are in them, you think you're so unique.

 

I used to have the same dilemma. I and MM would agree to take space until he actually left the marriage and he was clear in his decision. He then would get weak and eventually I would respond for all the same reasons you are doing, even though everyone told me not to respond and to stay out of it. He would then reassure me when the time is right we would definitely be together so I stayed in contact with him.

 

If I had one thing to do over, I wish I had left it at the message of call me when you've left the marriage while I was strong and not so depleted by the whole situation. Now being so exhausted and trying to heal because he finally decided and got off the fence on the side of his marriage after a million were going to be togethers and me believing him is SO MUCH harder. Its brutal. He was my best friend and I thought for sure we'd end up together. I too know his love for me is real, but they just don't leave, and if they do, its better if you're not involved in the process.

 

I hope you really listen to this. Leave while you're strong. Leave while it can be your choice. It will be so much easier for you. So few men can leave marriages with children even if they have bad marriages in these scenarios. The marriage is not done until its done, and you can't influence the timing of that. Doesn't matter how much he loves you. Make it clear he cannot call until he has left and leave it at that.

 

I hope you take this advice. You probably won't because you think your situation is different.

[sad puppy]

My situation is a bit different in that, I went through all of the drama of an affair for 15 months - we saw each other 13 times during that time, but the love and friendship was fast & furious. Numerous fights, ... but always coming back together. Finally, I had had it as it was affecting my mental and physical health. So, he went off on a family vacation and I sent 4 straight-up emails saying I was finished, I couldn't go on, ... and off he went on the vacation.

 

I SURRENDERED. That's what I did. It suddenly just felt better. I just SURRENDERED to the Universe. I redid my bedroom, changed the art, the bedding, bought new pillows, changed out furniture, the works. I moved a piece of art into my love corner (feng shui) that I had purchased when I thought we were moving forward. It was a bit of a spiritual taunt. I decided that I liked it, and I wanted to hang i in that spot.

 

Cleaning, rearranging the house, started yoga, bought vitamins, ... I just felt more peaceful.

 

Then he came back from vacation, decided on a divorce, has moved out, has been seeing a therapist, and we will see each other tomorrow for the first time in 3 months. He also knows I have little to no patience anymore for the drama, the time-wasting, and all the rest. We discussed it today. He agrees, time to pull the trigger.

 

So, we shall see about tomorrow. I am optimistic but cautious.

 

Back to you - please research "Surrendering to the Universe". It's not a matter of "oh well, if it's meant to be, it will be". It's more of a resignation - to acknowledge what was, what may be in the future, but that you just stop pushing, dreaming, demanding, ... Just stop. You are not "giving up or giving in", you are surrendering to the energy that is between you both to the Universe. It will feel good to surrender.

 

I read that the OW makes it easy for a guy to stay in his marriage. Remember that! I made it very clear that he could stay in his damn marriage but he was throwing away our gift from the Universe, and so be it. He KNEW I was over it!

 

Girl, take a hot bath and relax, know you retain the power cuz he's calling & texting you. Keep the power. Don't blow it. Make him sweat, make him think. Just surrender. You know you are tired of all this drama, it is wearing you down. Take back your power - you have it within you, take it. And surrender this relationship. It won't work as it is - it is all or nothing. And until it is, you have surrendered, and you will have some peace. Stay strong, you are worth it, he knows that. The question is: is he the type of man you really want? You want a strong man in your life, not a miserable cheater. He will show you who he is, ultimately. And until that time, you have surrendered. Doesn't it feel better already?

 

Good luck to you! Cheering you on!

[heartinlove]

My situation is a bit different in that, I went through all of the drama of an affair for 15 months - we saw each other 13 times during that time, but the love and friendship was fast & furious. Numerous fights, ... but always coming back together. Finally, I had had it as it was affecting my mental and physical health. So, he went off on a family vacation and I sent 4 straight-up emails saying I was finished, I couldn't go on, ... and off he went on the vacation.

 

I SURRENDERED. That's what I did. It suddenly just felt better. I just SURRENDERED to the Universe. I redid my bedroom, changed the art, the bedding, bought new pillows, changed out furniture, the works. I moved a piece of art into my love corner (feng shui) that I had purchased when I thought we were moving forward. It was a bit of a spiritual taunt. I decided that I liked it, and I wanted to hang i in that spot.

 

Cleaning, rearranging the house, started yoga, bought vitamins, ... I just felt more peaceful.

 

Then he came back from vacation, decided on a divorce, has moved out, has been seeing a therapist, and we will see each other tomorrow for the first time in 3 months. He also knows I have little to no patience anymore for the drama, the time-wasting, and all the rest. We discussed it today. He agrees, time to pull the trigger.

 

So, we shall see about tomorrow. I am optimistic but cautious.

 

Back to you - please research "Surrendering to the Universe". It's not a matter of "oh well, if it's meant to be, it will be". It's more of a resignation - to acknowledge what was, what may be in the future, but that you just stop pushing, dreaming, demanding, ... Just stop. You are not "giving up or giving in", you are surrendering to the energy that is between you both to the Universe. It will feel good to surrender.

 

I read that the OW makes it easy for a guy to stay in his marriage. Remember that! I made it very clear that he could stay in his damn marriage but he was throwing away our gift from the Universe, and so be it. He KNEW I was over it!

 

Girl, take a hot bath and relax, know you retain the power cuz he's calling & texting you. Keep the power. Don't blow it. Make him sweat, make him think. Just surrender. You know you are tired of all this drama, it is wearing you down. Take back your power - you have it within you, take it. And surrender this relationship. It won't work as it is - it is all or nothing. And until it is, you have surrendered, and you will have some peace. Stay strong, you are worth it, he knows that. The question is: is he the type of man you really want? You want a strong man in your life, not a miserable cheater. He will show you who he is, ultimately. And until that time, you have surrendered. Doesn't it feel better already?

 

Good luck to you! Cheering you on!

 

Great Post sad puppy. Im happy for you. Im going to take your advice too!

[sad puppy]

Thanks, Heart! Google "surrender to the universe" and right there you will find a few very excellent articles on this idea. I, too, was at my wit's end, and I did think of the word surrender on my own. Instinctively, I knew I had to do it. It's your first step to peace and power.

 

I think this is a very helpful tool, I do, my attitude shifted and quite strangely, the whole dynamic shifted.

[Choose Life]

I totally agree with Heart, it also pisses me off how all these scenarios are pretty much the same. Even when I was in a A, I would read about OW, and think, but I'm different, and totally ignore the fact, it was the same. I feel lucky in the fact it only last around 4 months. Some go on for years and years, I just don't know how a woman can deal with that. I hate the rollercoaster ride, my self esteem had gone from high to low, I was ripped apart inside. It has to be the worst experience of my life. Leave and leave now, stay strong, they never leave, I have yet to read a happy ending. They all end the same, the women a wreck and the guy back home with his wife! Be strong and move on, you can and will find someone that will make you number 1, you deserve that!

 

 

Your situation is very similar to mine. I have to say, it kinda pisses me off how similar all these scenarios are. When you are in them, you think you're so unique.

 

I used to have the same dilemma. I and MM would agree to take space until he actually left the marriage and he was clear in his decision. He then would get weak and eventually I would respond for all the same reasons you are doing, even though everyone told me not to respond and to stay out of it. He would then reassure me when the time is right we would definitely be together so I stayed in contact with him.

 

If I had one thing to do over, I wish I had left it at the message of call me when you've left the marriage while I was strong and not so depleted by the whole situation. Now being so exhausted and trying to heal because he finally decided and got off the fence on the side of his marriage after a million were going to be togethers and me believing him is SO MUCH harder. Its brutal. He was my best friend and I thought for sure we'd end up together. I too know his love for me is real, but they just don't leave, and if they do, its better if you're not involved in the process.

 

I hope you really listen to this. Leave while you're strong. Leave while it can be your choice. It will be so much easier for you. So few men can leave marriages with children even if they have bad marriages in these scenarios. The marriage is not done until its done, and you can't influence the timing of that. Doesn't matter how much he loves you. Make it clear he cannot call until he has left and leave it at that.

 

I hope you take this advice. You probably won't because you think your situation is different.

[Barrsitter]

So Hurtful-I'm right there with you. My MM has been married 28 yrs. We were high school sweethearts. We re-connected 2.5 yrs ago. And I ended it 3 days ago. I'm sticking with the NC this time. We were both weak but I refuse to contact him again. And if he contacts me and isn't separated with divorce papers..I'm not responding. I even send him a message saying that if he ever is single and tries to find me, I would see at that time whether being with him made any sense to me. It was high time I took back the control.

 

The thing is...MM have all the control and the OW has none. That's the rub.

 

Hold your course SH! You will be so glad you did. We'll do this together!

 

Sad Puppy - AWESOME ADVICE!!!

[MissBee]

The marriage is not done until its done, and you can't influence the timing of that. Doesn't matter how much he loves you.

 

One of the truest things ever said on LS!

 

I second that!

 

That's the truth: if the wife is Satan, if he is unhappy, if they have 10 kids, if the wife is ill, if he is confused, if they haven't had sex in 40 years, if whatever-the-insurmountable-obstacle is...the point remains that those equate to "The marriage is not done until it's done" and you being involved with him is most likely going to lead to drama and pain for you in light of that central fact.

[fooled once]

Hi fooled once, you are right and thanks for stating the facts as they are, I will survive without him because I did for the last 18 years but thing is, I was not happy like I have been in the last 22 months. I never experienced love and it is a wonderful feeling to love, to give, it made me happy. But I want more as well, I was hanging on because he implied we would have a future together but this cannot be dragged any longer. I also understand if he is not sure today he will not be sure tomorrow. I do not question his love for me, but it is not enough to get up and leave everything that he has built behind and start over, to leave his kids and only see them on certain days and so on, and if he was to marry me, live in a household with someone else's kids!! but, if that is a problem for him, then his "love" for me is not real uh? because I love him with all my heart even though he comes with the complete package as well!! People divorce everyday so if someone wants to do it, they will, but obviously he DOES NOT WANT TO at the moment, he is not ready. I do not think we would be the ones inventing the blended families concept!! other people have done it. Bottomline is he is not ready to make a move and I need to move on and that is exactly what I plan to do. If he does not value what I bring to the table, time for me to grieve, heal and move on.

 

I know the cell thing was yucky. Shame on me. The stupid things some of us do in the name of "love"!!!

 

If he loves you like he claims, he will do just that - he will divorce and be with you. Know how I know? I divorced with a 6 year old. I wasn't cheating and there was no one else; I was just DONE with my then H. I wasn't going to be his punching bag any longer nor did I want our son living with a drunk.

 

I so wish so many women would stop giving the excuse of the man missing out on his kids. How much is he missing out when he is running around with another woman? How much of his time is focused on his kids when he is on the phone, texting, emailing or being with the OW? Maybe by divorcing he will actually SPEND QUALITY TIME with his kids instead of sneaking around to talk to his mistress!!! Gosh, the excuses these men use!!

 

I divorced and had to support me and my son on 1/2 the income I had previously. I was getting minimal child support (which didn't even cover daycare expenses), working full time and taking care of a 4 bedroom home. I packed up 1/2 the house for my ex H to take with him. I was in so much debt. But ya know what? I was free of him and the stress he brought to the home. I was free to not fear his fists or his drunk bull crap.

 

3 years later, I met my now H. He had 2 kids with his former wife. We dated 7 months before we married. My son and I moved into his home and he had his kids 50% of the time (as he lived 4 blocks from his ex wife). Yet he still paid close to $1000 in child support a month. My H knew what my son had been thru and was a great step dad to him. My son is now grown and he is very close to my H; much closer to him than with his dad. He turns to my H when he needs advice or help. I am not saying it was easy or didn't have issues, but it worked and almost 14 years later, we are still very happy. Kids are all grown and on their own.

 

If he loves you, he will do what is needed to be with you. Stop enabling his excuses. That is all they are -- excuses.

 

I am so glad you are done putting up with being the hidden lover. I am so glad you are making the decision that YOU deserve better and your KIDS deserve better. They deserve a good role model in their life, not some guy sneaking around and screwing mommy when he can get away from his wife YOU deserve more. Do not ever settle for less and never play 2nd fiddle to anyone. He should want to shout to the world he loves you; not sneak around and hide.

 

Stay strong! You will find someone else - someone who is proud to have you on his arm and will do whatever he can to make you happy and he will NOT expect you to sneak around. I wish you the best!

[Barrsitter]

Fooled Once and everyone else who posted fantastic advice on this thread and many other threads about being the OW, I have this to say about myself.

 

I have been some kind of stupid! My xMM has said the exact same things I've read here on LS that other MMs say. Is there some sort of Dumb-ass MM Play Book???

 

My xMM loved to say "we'll have our day". I asked him recently "How will we have our day when you are living with your wife?" MM: "I just know".

 

Ok Bud...here is what I know: You're a coward and a liar and a thief. You stole my emotions, my love, my time and my good will. You wasted 2+ years of my life with your bull about "I never stopped loving you." Really? Then why the @#$% didn't you leave your wife over the past 30 years and find me? We only lived 50 km apart the entire time! Sorry Dude...not buying that crap any longer. You might have loved me all your life but your actions spoke otherwise. Take your dumb-ass excuses and go @#$% yourself.

 

Ladies and Gentleman...I have an announcement. This guy will never be good enough for me. Not even if he is single.

 

I'm going back to my mantras that have stood the test of time until I fell in love with MM and my brains melted:

 

"Oh, you're interested in me? Prove it."

"What's in it for me?"

"Actions speak"

Man: I love you

Me: So what?

 

New rule: Absolutely no MMs ever again.

 

Calling all OWs! Take back your power and close the castle gates. Draw up the bridges and stalk the motes with alligators. You are the princess in the castle and only the most noble, single man who walks the talk will be allowed into the castle.

 

Thank you LS posters! There is power in sharing!

Edited October 16, 2011 by Barrsitter

[SBC]

 

The thing is...MM have all the control and the OW has none. That's the rub.

 

 

This is NOT true. Not. Not! NOT!

 

In actuality, it is the other way around. It may appear that the MM has all the control but the reality is, the OW does. Think of it --he is the one stuck in a "crappy" marriage. So bad in fact that he has to sneak out to get satisfaction elsewhere. But the OW, she is footloose and fancy free. Captain of her own ship and she can set sail for any distant shore of her choosing. What can he do? Go home to his crappy marriage.

 

Never forget this.

[heartinlove]

I'm going back to my mantras that have stood the test of time until I fell in love with MM and my brains melted:

 

OMG. That was hysterical!

 

Thanks for the laugh barsitter and thanks for reminding me that before MM, I actually did have standards of what was right for me, and now I will return to them.

 

Lets start an OW movement. No more empathizing with them and all their reasons of why its soooo complicated to leave, while we just settle in as the OW's and waste our precious years on these situations, while they find the right moment to leave that they all seem to just know is coming any second now. Any second the wind will shift the right way, they're just so sure of it, and we believe them don't we.

 

Time to empathize with us and that if they cant leave, so be it, then we will leave because we all deserve a partner who is there for us and we are their number 1. Lets all stop waiting for them to make a decision, lets make a decision that is the best for our lives.

[Barrsitter]

Heartsinlove - glad you got a chuckle. And I totally agree with your suggestions! You got your groove back, Stella!

 

So anyway....I woke up this morning and laughed my butt off hysterically over this:

 

"Make sure your knight in shining armour, isn't just a dork in tin foil."

 

Well, I laughed so much I was crying. My dog was looking at me strangely. I was picturing my xMM as Napolean Dynamite fumbling with boxes of Reynolds Wrap.

 

At that point I decided that I have not laughed enough in the past 2.5 years that xMM and I were together. There has been entirely too much of me providing free I/C to xMM and not enough equality in the energy flow. The relationship, to be blunt, sucked. It involved a handful of minutes spent together over 2.5 years, with me giving out all the energy and him sucking it up like a sponge. Honestly! Some of the things I said to him were absurd. I acted liked June Cleaver on steroids! All I did was try to convince him why he should leave his wife.

 

So....I re-posted my post here into a Thread I entitled Accountability Time!. Same basic post and it got some laughs. Check it out.

 

I think we should start an xOWs Club on LS!

 

BTW - the "I love you"..."So what?" exchange is between Paul and Holly in the great classic movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I must go and buy myself a tiara, knock on xMM's door and ask him.."do you love me?" To which he will say "yes". My response: So what?

Edited October 17, 2011 by Barrsitter

[Barrsitter]

SBC - good point. My point was that I wanted to be married to xMM and he said he wanted to marry me but felt he couldn't leave his marriage (would hurt his W too much, he was all she had, God wants him to stay married, blah, blah, blah). So...in that context, I felt I had no control. But looking at it your way, you are correct. I do have control. I just needed to know that and exert it, which I now have. Thanks for the insight!!!!

[So Hurtful]

Thanks Hazyhead for your encouragement. I agree with you, this situation won't lead to what I want so I am taking charge.

[So Hurtful]

Your situation is very similar to mine. I have to say, it kinda pisses me off how similar all these scenarios are. When you are in them, you think you're so unique.

 

I used to have the same dilemma. I and MM would agree to take space until he actually left the marriage and he was clear in his decision. He then would get weak and eventually I would respond for all the same reasons you are doing, even though everyone told me not to respond and to stay out of it. He would then reassure me when the time is right we would definitely be together so I stayed in contact with him.

 

If I had one thing to do over, I wish I had left it at the message of call me when you've left the marriage while I was strong and not so depleted by the whole situation. Now being so exhausted and trying to heal because he finally decided and got off the fence on the side of his marriage after a million were going to be togethers and me believing him is SO MUCH harder. Its brutal. He was my best friend and I thought for sure we'd end up together. I too know his love for me is real, but they just don't leave, and if they do, its better if you're not involved in the process.

 

I hope you really listen to this. Leave while you're strong. Leave while it can be your choice. It will be so much easier for you. So few men can leave marriages with children even if they have bad marriages in these scenarios. The marriage is not done until its done, and you can't influence the timing of that. Doesn't matter how much he loves you. Make it clear he cannot call until he has left and leave it at that.

 

I hope you take this advice. You probably won't because you think your situation is different.

Heartinlove, you are correct, I am strong and I do not want to continue like this. I am at peace with myself because I know I tried but I will not spend another day doing that anymore if he won't reciprocate. If he is not willing to do what it takes to be with me, he is not worthy of my love.

[So Hurtful]

My situation is a bit different in that, I went through all of the drama of an affair for 15 months - we saw each other 13 times during that time, but the love and friendship was fast & furious. Numerous fights, ... but always coming back together. Finally, I had had it as it was affecting my mental and physical health. So, he went off on a family vacation and I sent 4 straight-up emails saying I was finished, I couldn't go on, ... and off he went on the vacation.

 

I SURRENDERED. That's what I did. It suddenly just felt better. I just SURRENDERED to the Universe. I redid my bedroom, changed the art, the bedding, bought new pillows, changed out furniture, the works. I moved a piece of art into my love corner (feng shui) that I had purchased when I thought we were moving forward. It was a bit of a spiritual taunt. I decided that I liked it, and I wanted to hang i in that spot.

 

Cleaning, rearranging the house, started yoga, bought vitamins, ... I just felt more peaceful.

 

Then he came back from vacation, decided on a divorce, has moved out, has been seeing a therapist, and we will see each other tomorrow for the first time in 3 months. He also knows I have little to no patience anymore for the drama, the time-wasting, and all the rest. We discussed it today. He agrees, time to pull the trigger.

 

So, we shall see about tomorrow. I am optimistic but cautious.

 

Back to you - please research "Surrendering to the Universe". It's not a matter of "oh well, if it's meant to be, it will be". It's more of a resignation - to acknowledge what was, what may be in the future, but that you just stop pushing, dreaming, demanding, ... Just stop. You are not "giving up or giving in", you are surrendering to the energy that is between you both to the Universe. It will feel good to surrender.

 

I read that the OW makes it easy for a guy to stay in his marriage. Remember that! I made it very clear that he could stay in his damn marriage but he was throwing away our gift from the Universe, and so be it. He KNEW I was over it!

 

Girl, take a hot bath and relax, know you retain the power cuz he's calling & texting you. Keep the power. Don't blow it. Make him sweat, make him think. Just surrender. You know you are tired of all this drama, it is wearing you down. Take back your power - you have it within you, take it. And surrender this relationship. It won't work as it is - it is all or nothing. And until it is, you have surrendered, and you will have some peace. Stay strong, you are worth it, he knows that. The question is: is he the type of man you really want? You want a strong man in your life, not a miserable cheater. He will show you who he is, ultimately. And until that time, you have surrendered. Doesn't it feel better already?

 

Good luck to you! Cheering you on!

Sad puppy, thank you so much for suggesting reading up on "surrendering to the universe". I am looking forward to an update from you after seeing him for the first time after 3 months this past weekend!! I want to read all about it.

 

I did take a couple of hot baths and relaxed a bunch this past weekend. I do feel better and I surrender! Thanks for your post!

[Barrsitter]

So Hurtful.....how are you doing? I'm at Day 4 of NC and so far, so good.

[So Hurtful]

So Hurtful-I'm right there with you. My MM has been married 28 yrs. We were high school sweethearts. We re-connected 2.5 yrs ago. And I ended it 3 days ago. I'm sticking with the NC this time. We were both weak but I refuse to contact him again. And if he contacts me and isn't separated with divorce papers..I'm not responding. I even send him a message saying that if he ever is single and tries to find me, I would see at that time whether being with him made any sense to me. It was high time I took back the control.

 

The thing is...MM have all the control and the OW has none. That's the rub.

 

Hold your course SH! You will be so glad you did. We'll do this together!

 

Sad Puppy - AWESOME ADVICE!!!

Barrsitter, our stories are sooooooo similar!!! MM and I dated while in high school 18 years ago and we had such a strong connection. We re-connected 2 years ago and I ended it last Monday, I got tired of the going back and forth with making a decision that benefits me. We will definitely do this together, thanks for cheering me up and I look forward to keeping in touch with you!.

[So Hurtful]

So Hurtful.....how are you doing? I'm at Day 4 of NC and so far, so good.

Hey Barrsitter, well, I am doing okay, I feel sad at times and cry, but overall, I know this is for my own good so I will make it through. I am disappointed that things did not turn out the way I wanted them to but I feel at peace with myself because I gave it a try this second time we had the opportunity to be together. Last week when we ended it he said "we had our chance, it is too late now, we had our chance 18 years ago". Well, I know we did, but, here we were given a second chance and it will not happen AGAIN!! oh well, I tried, I gave it my best and he was my everything but now is back to loving myself more!!

 

He sent me a few texts over the weekend, of course, saying he misses me a lot, asking what I was doing, etc. but guess what? those quick texts do not mean anything to me and I will put a stop to those very soon. I am not here to ease his pain, I am sure he is feeling it as well, I know it is hard for him but it is not fair to me that he is able to reach out to me when he feels like it. I will not let him keep using me and I am not here to relieve his pain, I am here to take care of myself. His wife can take care of him, hahahaha!!

 

What about you? how are you doing? please tell me!

[Barrsitter]

SH:

 

It's freaky how many scenarios on LS are like ours. Anyway, you sound like you are having a tough time. Do what you have to, to feel better. Cry, stamp your feet whatever.

 

I am doing quite well actually. Better than I expected. I am doing yoga 5x per week and meditations every day. I bought a new book yesterday. Rearranged my furniture. Trying to clear out old junk in order to make a space for healing and a new relationship some day with a single man!

 

Staying positive and writing here is really helping.

 

Stay the course...be well. Namaste.