Dblock10 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 yeeeeeep its "her" birthday tomorrow, or technically now if she was in the UK. but she is not. she is in america and then leaves for australia tomorrow woohoo. so yeah. there it is. the big dilemma. still friends on fb. spoke the day she left cause i once again initiated contact and wished her well. . do i txt. and see if i get a response. or do i swoop under the radar with a simple fb wall message. or just leave it, which i probably wont do cause i am to nice. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 you need serious therapy from a real professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 not at all. professionals cant help. it has to come from myself from within. so i guess i need to get to that place one way or another. it will happen. but it will take a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Dblock10, if this is a situation where contact is making things worse, then perhaps it's time not to do that any longer? mike Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 No, don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Heartache3 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) DBlock, Listen, this "still being facebook friends" thing needs to end if you're ever going to heal properly. It isn't easy, I know. But you have to muster up the courage to press that unfriend button, maybe go as far as block her if you feel tempted to visit her page or read her posts after that. As soon as my ex left me, it took me a few weeks but I removed AND blocked her. That was almost 8 months ago. And you can do this too DBlock. Instead of mulling over her and what she's doing, give yourself more attention than you're giving her. My ex's birthday is coming up soon, and guess what? I really don't care. DBlock, you got this. Do yourself a favor and do the right thing. Unfriend her. If you two are TRULY meant to be, then in the future, she will get in contact with you somehow, someway. But being in contact now isn't going to do anything but put you back. Edited October 12, 2011 by Heartache3 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I've already made my decision regarding similar so I urge you to do the same, and that's not send her anything. If you send it, you'll be thinking about her, wanting to know if she got it, wanting to know how she feels about it, waiting for a response. Don't BS us here (or yourself) - you're doing this to get a reaction, a response, that's why all of us break NC. She will get the message, read the message, delete the message. She doesn't care one bit and has made the decision to move away from you forever. Your text will be seen as coming from a pathetic little love sick puppy who's just waiting at the airport for her to return. That may sound harsh, but you need harsh right now! Just like my ex, she doesn't want your attention. She's living her life and you're no longer any part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 DBlock, you got this. Do yourself a favor and do the right thing. Unfriend her. . Your birthday wishes are not good for you....you will want a response...and may not get it...and then it hurts....or you get a "thanks" and that hurts or you get a breadcrumb and that hurts. There is not a way this will work out well for you. UNFRIEND from FB...it's not the right time...it's not good for you. Write a Happy Birthday message here if you need to say it. But let well enough alone. I love how I talk with all this expertise when I can assure you come November 6 I will be thinking the EXACT same thing. LOL I just know what advice i will get then...and am hoping to be strong at that point. So...set a good example for me Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Your birthday wishes are not good for you....you will want a response...and may not get it...and then it hurts....or you get a "thanks" and that hurts or you get a breadcrumb and that hurts. There is not a way this will work out well for you. UNFRIEND from FB...it's not the right time...it's not good for you. Write a Happy Birthday message here if you need to say it. But let well enough alone. I love how I talk with all this expertise when I can assure you come November 6 I will be thinking the EXACT same thing. LOL I just know what advice i will get then...and am hoping to be strong at that point. So...set a good example for me this dood is hopeless lol Link to post Share on other sites
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 We aren't hopeless...we are just slow to learn. he is in the "challenged" group with me ) We'll get him there!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzbella Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I went out my way on my ex's birthday, spent a long night online trying to find this one boxset of dvd's we always talked about when together, i got him them and gave them to him expecting a miracle to happen, you know what i got? Nothing, and it hurt. I would leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 or just leave it, which i probably wont do cause i am to nice. Don't do it. It's not really about being "nice" or not, it's just an excuse for contact. If you do it, it will make you feel worse. If she doesn't reply, you'll feel awful. If she does reply, it won't be enough for you. The quickest way to heal is to cut all ties completely. Incidentally. Using the word "nice" made me think of "no more mr nice guy", which is a book I found interesting. I don't completely agree with all of it, but there's some stuff on "covert contracts" which was an eye opener to me in regards to my own behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Dblock, you're in the UK? If you want to add me to Facebook so we can chat about this, then feel free. On topic, though, you really need to just cut her out of your life. Even if she does on some level care for you, right now you're hurting yourself so much hat any contact with her, no matter how subtle, is preventing you from healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Urgh!!!! Really?!?!? Dude...okay...Let me know when she starts posting pics of her with some other guy on Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Natalie just wrote a post about this. Very insightful. www.baggagereclaim.com - don't send them a bday gift, wish, whatever! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 well wish i had read some of this sooner, but i wrote on her fb wall. and sent a txt. txt was just happy birthday hope travelling is going well so short and sweet really. stumbled across a note pad of which i remember jotting down all of the dates if her where abouts etc. im sooo jealous of what she is doing. she must be having so so so so so much fun its not fair! i guess i do miss her guys. i miss how she used to be with me, and that time in the easter break before exams how i was introduced to her whole family and remember that smile she had when she saw me waiting at the station as she drove up with her mum to collect me. i dont know how to heal as i feel cutting all ties wont achieve that. although i am running out of options now. i sent the txt because otherwise i would feel like she may think i dont care. wether or not she cares is a different story. she might not even be using that phone number for all i know. but she will get the txt at some point i would assume. there is nothing left for me to do now. she hasnt been online for 2 weeks. ive not heard from her since the day she left. very sad. dont know how i feel anymore guys. this has just been so hard to deal with, and its because of how it all came about and why we broke up and because of the way i acted. you cant have regrets but i do and that is what is holding me back. plus that she doesnt talk to me and hasnt made effort to do so after the break up, really kicks me whilst i am down. real bad. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Your birthday wishes are not good for you....you will want a response...and may not get it...and then it hurts....or you get a "thanks" and that hurts or you get a breadcrumb and that hurts. There is not a way this will work out well for you. UNFRIEND from FB...it's not the right time...it's not good for you. Write a Happy Birthday message here if you need to say it. But let well enough alone. I love how I talk with all this expertise when I can assure you come November 6 I will be thinking the EXACT same thing. LOL I just know what advice i will get then...and am hoping to be strong at that point. So...set a good example for me ssshhh bruiser! this guy cant even help himself. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 "i dont know how to heal as i feel cutting all ties wont achieve that." - cutting all ties is the ONLY way to heal. Staying the way you are and you will be posting things like this forever, unable to ever move on and just getting more and more hurt every single day... whilst she's out there living her life and loving every single second of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) well i never heard back, but again its not the point of why i sent it. would be nice to talk to her, and really nice to hear from her once in a while. i am totally open to speaking to her. i find it so hard to think and look to the future and 80% know she wont be in it it hurts me that its come to this. i feel bad for not keeping in contact and almost going into nc out of spite to start with, whilst obv giving her what she wanted.. was kind of hoping id have heard from her more before she left as i knew when she left it would be difficult to speak to her anyway i dont know, its hard to know she isnt at this uni anymore. heartache* if its been 8 months for you how come you are on this forum? antiko i am on face book, but would rather talk here if thats kl, maybe you could PM me? I dont know i guess the best way to forget about her is to stop talking about it, as that is what brings me back? maybe this forum in itself is a trigger and a way of holding on to something that isnt there. dont know guys, just i feel really weak. wondering why i ever bothered to go silent on her. Edited October 14, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
fallenheart Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 She went silent on YOU, not the other way around. She left you. She ended the relationship. Nothing you did after that, texting or not texting, had any affect whatsoever cause it was already done. Just imagine that she's dead. Cause the girl you loved IS dead and gone and never coming back. The person she became, the girl she is right now....that's a stranger to you. You don't know her at all. Sitting and thinking "Oh if only I'd have texted her more" isn't gonna change anything. You could have written her an opera and it wouldn't have changed the fact that she was over you and she moved on. It's over. Start thinking about the future. WITHOUT her. With YOURSELF. And maybe a new girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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