J0N Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 It has been just about a year since my ex dumped me. My story is much like everybody else’s who was dumped, my ex started to become very distant, all the intimacy stopped, and we stopped communicating about two months before we finally split. In the end she was very cold, immature and mean to me and dumped me over text. She was the first true love of my life, and I could never have imagined in a thousand years that she could dump me this way. Up until about a year ago, I figured that we would end up growing old together and being married for many years. After much thought I finally gave up and assumed/learned that she wanted to go out to California to pursue a new career opportunity, and with the support of her friends and family she gave me the boot. I have cheated on NC a few times and taken peaks at her FB, she seems happy, and is still single but it appears as if I never existed. I told her early in our relationship that if she ever wanted to pursue something like this and it would require us splitting up that we should talk about it together in person and figure out what the most reasonable thing to do was. This is one the main reasons I was so heart broken when she dumped me the way she did without even talking to me about it. I never got any closure. It has taken me a long time, but the constant pining has stopped. Now a year later she only seems to cross my mind when I am feeling down about something else. I am glad that I came to LS so soon after the breakup, people here convinced me to go total NC immediately. The day after the breakup, I sent my ex a text saying that I was going to disappear for a while. I did not grovel, or make a fool out of myself, Thank God. NC and time are the only way to heal; staying friends with her would have been a disaster. This breakup was really hard on me, but there is a silver lining. It has really taught me about what I am truly made of, what I stand for, and what I want out of my life. I know now that if we had stayed together I would not really have been all that happy, I think I was more content in this relationship than anything. I know that there is a girl out there for me who will love me as much as I will love her. As for today, I have decided that I don’t really want to date for a while. I have a lot of things I need to figure out first, like my job situation. I want to position myself so that when the next girl I fall in love with comes around I will be ready to commit if our relationship goes that way. I am sill pretty young (mid-20s) and I really enjoy being single. I really do enjoy the feeling of freedom to make my own decisions. If the right girl comes along, I wont turn her away though... I will probably never 100% forget my ex, but she is no longer a part of my life and I learned to accept that fact. For all recent dumpees, trust me, it gets better with time and NC. These are the only things that will cause your hurting to stop. I have now moved on to the next chapter of my life; I am looking forward to see how it pans out. Thanks for all of your advice and support. - J0N Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 NC and time are the only way to heal; staying friends with her would have been a disaster. Agree, agree, agree. And great post, by the way mike Link to post Share on other sites
Silvermane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I told her early in our relationship that if she ever wanted to pursue something like this and it would require us splitting up that we should talk about it together in person and figure out what the most reasonable thing to do was. This is one the main reasons I was so heart broken when she dumped me the way she did without even talking to me about it. I never got any closure. I can completely relate to this. If my ex would have had the balls to break up with me in person in a completely honest way it wouldn't have sucked so bad. Getting cliche reasons over the phone adds a lot of anger and resentment. Unlike you I didn't come here until 4-5 months after the break so I did a lot of damage to myself at the time. There seem to be a lot of "one year later" posts on here lately. I guess Autumn is prime break up season. Thanks for sharing your progress. ^__^ Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I can also relate too. If my ex hadn't of dumped me cruelly out of the blue, I probably wouldn't of spiralled into a depression. I also never got any closure or remotely any resolution so the breakup was weird. I hope someone rips out my exes heart one day, but I don't think he has a heart to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Great to know you're doing better these days JON. Keep on going bud, keep strong. For all dumpees just starting NC, trust in what JON is saying...IT DOES GET EASIER. I'm at 10 months NC myself and I feel as every week goes by, I think of her less and less...doing so much better now thanks to NC. And for everyone wondering, yes she has reached out. Great post JON. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J0N Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Lazie, Did you just ignore it? My ex has never reached out, I used to be pretty bummed out about that but honestly I don't care anymore. I am not sure what I would say if she did, I guess I would be polite but completely emotionless and cold. Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 JON , Silver Hey guys, good to see some old friends here!! Yes we are at the one year mark, mine was sep 28 ... incredible that we've spent a FULL year suffering for a person that probably thinks about us when there's nothing better to do... oh well JON you sound like things are improving, like you are making peace with the BU keep up the great work man, that itself its an inspiration to me, yes, i agree that dating just for the sake of if it's definitely not the answer... wait for it until you feel ready. Silver. Is that a new account!? what happened with the old one... how is you situation going? please do send a trenches report when you can it's been a long time since the last conversation. As for me.. was doing better, that is until last week of september when a mutual "friend" called me to wish me a happy birthday and out of the blue told me that my ex has a boyfriend and the hours of her new tv show... the show for me was SO hard that i had to stay home a couple days just dealing with the news, stopped eating, catch a flu, the whole nine years of misery. Last year i would have thought that by this time -a year later- i'd be healed, but unfortunately i'm not.. but also i don't want to think too much when i'll be healed because i can go crazy... i tell you guys imagining your ex with another man can drive a person crazy if one is not careful. So whoever is reading this... DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT keep that one "cool"mutual friend with your ex , because sooner or later some news will reach you and its going to be hard. I have been reading so many self help books and videos on the net, 99% of them are useless crap... but i'd share two videos that i think are a sincere effort to help people like us Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i think the point is up until the breakup you thought you and ex were one. because you loved her. however, breaking up can be the decision from one side. i tcan be just about her. its a hard truth to swallow but it helps to move on. i am only 5 months out and nc helped great. actually i am scared of breaking nc. Link to post Share on other sites
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