bigboss Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Okay heres one for the people who either have cheated, or have been with someone who has cheated on them. Why do girls deny that they cheated until the end...even though the relationship is over? Do they ever feel like they at least owe the other half an explanation for why they cheated? What is the most common lines they use to deny that they are cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
polkadot1989 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I would say that they can make a lot of things up. Girls are creative. There is no one lie. The most common thing a girl probably does when confessing is blame it on the one she cheated with, saying that they did it and she didn't back. Sometimes they just don't bring it up at all. That's all I know. I've done it once and I am so not proud of it, but my reason for lying was an extenuating circumstance. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 She didn't need an excuse. I caught her straight out. But you're right. When there's no denying it. They blameshift like it's cool. Mine said that I was a loser and not going anywhere in life. So, she moved on with someone that had a future. The irony is, I proved her wrong. I went to college and now have a very successful career, OWN my own house, married a beautiful and professional woman, travel with my girl a lot because we can afford to do it. Last I heard, she married the guy she cheated on me and he had dropped out of college and is a ambulance driver. Who's the loser now!!! hee...hee... Link to post Share on other sites
skylarkjv Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I dated a religious fundamentalist in high school. We were both virgins, and so neither of us were having sex. But she got her eyes on another guy, and so she told me that God told her to break up with me. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was relieved though, I'd been thinking about breaking it off with her for about a month before then anyway. So she did me a favor by not making me the bad guy. It was the most original dumping I've ever had though. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Why do girls deny that they cheated until the end...even though the relationship is over? Those who do generally do so to preserve their 'status' and self-esteem. Rationalize it away and it didn't happen. This facilitates situational honesty for the next potential. Ego is preserved. Do they ever feel like they at least owe the other half an explanation for why they cheated? Mixed bag. Some do, some don't. I base this opinion on female friends and MW's who have shared their stories with me. What is the most common lines they use to deny that they are cheating? 'You must've misunderstood' 'He's nothing; a typical man, you know, hitting on anything that moves' 'Boys will be boys' 'We're just friends' The dynamic isn't gender-specific but I just have more data points from listening to women. The overriding dynamic I've noted is that, combined with sexual power, rationalization and intrinsic denial allow the subset of women who do have the psychology to be unfaithful and deny it to move on quickly from one person to another. Perhaps one answer lies within that behavior, a commonality in the stories I've heard, one of fear; fear of being alone. All roads lead to ameliorating that fear. Fear is a potent motivator. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 well its not just the girls, its the guys that do this too. but question I would have is, why do they string someone else selfishly along while they go out and have their little fun? can't stand the thought of their bf/gf/H/W being happy with someone else? possessiveness? Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Those who do generally do so to preserve their 'status' and self-esteem. Rationalize it away and it didn't happen. This facilitates situational honesty for the next potential. Ego is preserved. Mixed bag. Some do, some don't. I base this opinion on female friends and MW's who have shared their stories with me. 'You must've misunderstood' 'He's nothing; a typical man, you know, hitting on anything that moves' 'Boys will be boys' 'We're just friends' The dynamic isn't gender-specific but I just have more data points from listening to women. The overriding dynamic I've noted is that, combined with sexual power, rationalization and intrinsic denial allow the subset of women who do have the psychology to be unfaithful and deny it to move on quickly from one person to another. Perhaps one answer lies within that behavior, a commonality in the stories I've heard, one of fear; fear of being alone. All roads lead to ameliorating that fear. Fear is a potent motivator. Dead on. Just to put a finer point on it, it is my experience that women will lie about their sexual encounters - including the number of past lovers - even under penalty of death. They are mortified to admit they love anal or sucked him off in a public place or that certain sex partners don't count because they were drunk or they only had oral or he only got the head in; etc. etc. etc. In addition to reasons carhill noted, I also think that society pressures women into lying else they be outed as sluts. We all know the double standard that exists; men who are promiscuous are studs and women are whores. Not fair but true. Link to post Share on other sites
MilfinBerle Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Okay heres one for the people who either have cheated, or have been with someone who has cheated on them. Why do girls deny that they cheated until the end...even though the relationship is over? It's the cuckolding instinct. Yes they seek out what appear to be the fittest "alpha" males to be impregnated but still there remains evolutionary benefit to deceiving the caretaker/"beta" male into being cuckolded into raising the alpha male/impregnator's spawn. This is so ingrained that they have evolved to lie about it even when procreation/pregnancy is not an issue due to the use of birth control (although it's amazing how many women "accidentally" become pregnant, isn't it?) Cheating women lie because their actions are governed on the most instinctual/biological level imaginable, it's amoral, it's not even operating in the cerebral cortex--there's no point in chastising them for being immoral/unethical liars because that's not even a spectrum of behavior that they are capable of comprehending. They are engaging in behaviors which are governed almost entirely by their hormones, ovaries, vaginas, pheremones, time of the month, and phase of the moon. That's why none of the b.s. they spout when caught makes any sense. It's all just smoke and mirrors designed to throw you off the track, not designed as an actual plausibly rational "explanation" for their behavior (even assuming they had any clue about their own underlying motivations, which they obviously don't). Do you actually think these women--before they sneak out to the parking lot on a coffee break at work to suck some guy's dick off in the back seat of his truck--do you think before they do that, they ponder: "OK, now, what rational explanation for my actions will I be able to give to my bf if he catches me doing this?" No not at all. What happens is the girl sees the big bulge in the guy's crotch and starts secreting "mating hormones" which completely take control of her actions. Her higher brain functions (if any--a big assumption LOL) just shut down entirely. She turns into an automaton, a biological f*ck toy, a sperm ingestion machine. When it's all over she won't understand why it happened because she is an amoral, hormone-driven imbecile with zero insight into her behavior. But she will need to find a "reason" because she doesn't want to simply default to "gee I'm a c*ck sucking slut." Do they ever feel like they at least owe the other half an explanation for why they cheated? No because "the other half" isn't even a real person to such a woman. The other half might as well be a card board cut out or a stuffed animal. What is the most common lines they use to deny that they are cheating? "I'm not sure I ever really loved you" "There's never been anyone else but you" Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 'You must've misunderstood' 'He's nothing; a typical man, you know, hitting on anything that moves' 'Boys will be boys' 'We're just friends' The dynamic isn't gender-specific but I just have more data points from listening to women. The overriding dynamic I've noted is that, combined with sexual power, rationalization and intrinsic denial allow the subset of women who do have the psychology to be unfaithful and deny it to move on quickly from one person to another. Perhaps one answer lies within that behavior, a commonality in the stories I've heard, one of fear; fear of being alone. All roads lead to ameliorating that fear. Fear is a potent motivator. Great post - that was my ex, to a T. And (though I knew the whole time, pretty much) she lied endlessly, even when I would say "Hey, I know this is happening. Don't lie to me. Let's handle this like adults." I would literally have to have something physical to show that I knew, or trick her, before she would be upfront. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 To all the women out there: A lot of us are saying some pretty rough things here and not a single women has chimed in to defend herself or her gender. I've noticed this in other posts on this subject where men will say "women will lie and lie and then lie some more" and don't recall ever seeing even a response by a woman. Lest I be misunderstood, I love women and believe they are the very fabric of the family. Maybe this is why their infidelity is so crushingly devastating to their men. For me, ALL of my experiences with women on this topic have convinced me that they are never willing - even to each other - to tell the truth where sexual behavior is concerned even when confronted with undeniable evidence. I'm convinced they lie to themselves so much they believe their own nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
MilfinBerle Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Women haven't chimed in because they know it's true. Not about all women--but about the ones who cheat? Sure. Good women view cheating man-stealers as the enemy. I would hardly expect a good woman to rise up in defense of a cheating skank. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I dated a religious fundamentalist in high school. We were both virgins, and so neither of us were having sex. But she got her eyes on another guy, and so she told me that God told her to break up with me. This kind of thing is common, but more often it's phrased like "I guess God just didn't want us to be together." Do you feel that this incident soured you on religion? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) Heh, to be honest, I think Ely is just distorting what's already been observed within female sexuality. I myself have noticed there are times of the month when I become more feral (without identifiable explanations). When I just want to be manhandled and banged from behind However, I don't seek outside of my relationship and I definitely don't think that "hormones" are capable of dominating "me" and causing "me" to cheat --- I would take responsibility I'm certainly not the most insightful female but nonetheless... it's just not that *potent* in and of itself. I think there are other dynamics at play... like how someone is being treated, whether or not they are feeling appreciated and or desirable, whether or not they are being adequately stimulated/challenged, feeling important, cared for and or loved, etc. Granted there MAY be some females who have more intense urges and just succumb to them without remotely grasping it all... but the majority of the ones that do? heh... Lying, in this context, is something people do to avoid conflict / hurt. It's really not that complicated... Edited October 14, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
HeartBrokenInCO Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Cheaters can be both male or female and both are expert liars. In my mid 20's, I was with a man who I later found out was married and at the same time he was seeing me, he was with another woman as well. He lied to all 3 of us and never could come clean. His ego was the problem, he was very successful and felt entitled to do whatever he wished. Fast forward 20 years.... I am now 49 yo and have recently been accused of cheating. I don't flirt, have both male and female friends and am head over heels in love with this man. He made assumptions based on us being broken up and seeing me with a male friend that he didn't know. I have some advice for anyone, male or female who thinks their partner is cheating . -If you have suspicions, then do some detective work. -If something is going on, you will find the signs and they will be clear. -Don't tip your hand, act normal and you will get your answers faster. -Don't assume, you could be wrong and then you may well lose someone you love and who loves you dearly. -Keep an open mind, things aren't always what they appear to be. -Take a cue from our judicial system, everyone has the right to defend themselves. Arrange a face to face meeting to calmly discuss what you think is happening. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Again, they're merely playing the same game men have played since the dawn of time. Sorry guys, my heart ain't bleeding for you. Your gender has been notorious for thinking with your di*cks and apparently, women seem to be doing the same thing, now. Hopefully women aren't thinking with their dicks because if they are some of us guys have some 'splainin to do...LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
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