how to tell boyfriend's wife about us?

[Sandra]

i am crazy to still be seeing this guy who didn't tell me he was married, but we have feelings for each other and i can't just break the thing off like that cause i like him too much. He doesn't stay with wife very often. Has big financial problems and i think he only stays there for that reason. cause i live with a room-mate he can't live with me for the time. i'm sure she knows what he's doing but he won't admit it to her so he could just move out and get on with our lives! i am going crazy now really angry cause he hasnt called for two days. i want to call up the wife and tell her what kind of person he is or write a letter. now I dont care what happens cause i already suffered enough. he cant get away with this scott free. How do i go about this?

 

i'm not vengeful or anything. i just want to defend other women and let her wake up for once!

[Tony T]

Writing a letter to his wife is cruel and not your place to do. You are only in charge of yourself.

 

At least she has an excuse for staying with him because she doesn't know what's going on.

 

Now in your case, you have feelings for an adulterer with serious financial problems who can't be with you. You have this knowledge yet you continue to be concerned with him.

 

I think you are the one who needs to be more informed, not his wife. You have no place to make a fool of yourself by getting involved with his family. You need to take half the responsibility for this yourself.

 

His wife will find out in due time and deal with it accordingly if it comes to that. Meanwhile, you need to deal with these circumstances, get away from this man, and do some positive things in your life. Continuing this drama by contacting his wife is insane.

[Sandra]

they have no family, no kids so i wouldnt get involved in a family because they have none. he hasnt called and the only choice i have is to call him up at home. i warned him many times before that i would tell on us if he acted up. i know this seems crazy but i am really angry at him.

[Deejette]

I feel for you, because I have been out with married men, but they just didn't tell me they were married! Even though they were charming, handsome, or whatever, they were not on the level and were trying to get a little something on the side.

 

As much as it hurts, and I know it does, it's best to "wash that man out of your hair" than hang around waiting for him to find time to see you and imagining him being with his wife while he is not with you.

they have no family, no kids so i wouldnt get involved in a family because they have none. he hasnt called and the only choice i have is to call him up at home. i warned him many times before that i would tell on us if he acted up. i know this seems crazy but i am really angry at him.

[Tony T]

Well, Sandra, it was really nice of you to warn him that you were a very spiteful person. What you plan to do lacks class and rationality. However, if you are without those things, do what you have to do.

 

I'm sure this man will be glad to get you out of his life. I hope in the future you learn that people will have a lot higher regard for you and will probably be around you a lot longer if you don't warn them ahead of time of exactly the type of person you are.

[Jenna]

You wrote: "i'm not vengeful or anything. i just want

 

to defend other women and let her wake up for

 

once!"

 

Quite the contrary my dear- you ARE exactly what you say you aren't.

 

You aren't trying to protect his wife-or others- you are pissed that he hasn't called you. Obviously- at some point you discovered that this man was married- at which time you did not excuse yourself from this MOST inappropriate relationship. You weren't concerned with his wife then- why would you be now?

 

It isn't your place to punish this man- he will answer for his deeds soon enough. You allowed this relationship to continue-and now you are going to have to deal with what you should have known all along- "This was not meant to be." If it were- he would not have been married when you met him.

 

It makes me so angry that no one seems to value the committment of marriage anymore- and you are one of them.

 

I would say I'm sorry for not being able to help- but its not you that deserves help- it this poor man's wife.

 

Jenna

i am crazy to still be seeing this guy who didn't tell me he was married, but we have feelings for each other and i can't just break the thing off like that cause i like him too much. He doesn't stay with wife very often. Has big financial problems and i think he only stays there for that reason. cause i live with a room-mate he can't live with me for the time. i'm sure she knows what he's doing but he won't admit it to her so he could just move out and get on with our lives! i am going crazy now really angry cause he hasnt called for two days. i want to call up the wife and tell her what kind of person he is or write a letter. now I dont care what happens cause i already suffered enough. he cant get away with this scott free. How do i go about this? i'm not vengeful or anything. i just want to defend other women and let her wake up for once!

[Jenna]

Does this post piss you off as much as it did me?? Maybe I am being to harsh- but DAMN!! What are people thinking when they get involved in something like that- at with THAT kind of attitude!?!!?

 

I need a valum..... Jenna

Well, Sandra, it was really nice of you to warn him that you were a very spiteful person. What you plan to do lacks class and rationality. However, if you are without those things, do what you have to do. I'm sure this man will be glad to get you out of his life. I hope in the future you learn that people will have a lot higher regard for you and will probably be around you a lot longer if you don't warn them ahead of time of exactly the type of person you are.

[Tony T]

I am just glad that in my old age, I am able to avoid crazy people like the plague. Life get's pretty lonely when you do that, you know.

[Sandra]

at which time you did not excuse

yourself from this MOST inappropriate relationship. You weren't concerned with his wife then- why would you be now?

Who are you to judge? you dont know me or the details of my situation.

to help- but its not you that deserves help- it this poor man's wife.

poor wife my A**!!

 

his wife verbally abuses him, tells him he's good for nothing and controls him cause she brings in the cash. he dont need that kinda person running his life. you guys cant see past the red tape of marriage here and i say marriage is a pile of crap.

[Tony T]

Sandra:

 

I don't think you will ever, ever get it. You are hell bent on absolutely making a world class fool of yourself. I first thought you just wanted to iform this lady of her husband's transgressions. Now I fear you want to cause her more serious harm. I urge you to consult an attorney before acting further. You could ruin the rest of your life on this planet for doing something foolish.

 

In reply to your post, we do make judgements here based on people's posts. That's all we have to go by. How could you possibly ask us to give you our opinions if you didn't put up all the pertinent details? Now, you tell Jenna she doesn't have all the details. WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ALL THE DETAILS EITHER.

 

You only know what a man has told you who is eager to get into your pants. Some men will tell you anything and everything about their home life in order to get sex. If you believe half the trash this man has told you, you should have called 911 to have him committed to a mental institution for putting up with his homelife. Don't you get it...YOU HAVE BEEN HAD!!!

 

Lastly, you talk about people making judgements. Who the hell are you to make a judgement like you did above, and I quote: "he dont need that kinda person running his life." When did God appoint you mistress-at-large to go around having affairs with guys you don't think are married to the right person. This man can handle himself just fine. If you should be really pissed at anybody, you should be mad at him because it appears he has either lied to you or he is a world class wimp who has no control of his life.

 

It is not your place to judge who is married to the right or wrong person, ESPECIALLY when you have only heard the person's side who is seeking to take advantage of you and your sexual favors. If you do not think this man is capable of taking care of his own personal life, you should be terrified of a relationship with him and run, run, run.

 

I really think you have lost it and I am seriously urging you to seek help at this moment. Your anger and irrationality could drive you to cause harm you will regret all the days you remain alive.

 

I don't know why I'm writing this because I don't think you are rational or have all your senses at this time. If you come around today, even for a minute, please call someone and get some help. This man, this woman...all who are involved...are not worth you going to jail for 25 years or, even worse, getting the death penalty for doing something really nuts.

[Jenna]

Sandra: I don't think you will ever, ever get it. You are hell bent on absolutely making a world class fool of yourself. I first thought you just wanted to iform this lady of her husband's transgressions. Now I fear you want to cause her more serious harm. I urge you to consult an attorney before acting further. You could ruin the rest of your life on this planet for doing something foolish.

 

In reply to your post, we do make judgements here based on people's posts. That's all we have to go by. How could you possibly ask us to give you our opinions if you didn't put up all the pertinent details? Now, you tell Jenna she doesn't have all the details. WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ALL THE DETAILS EITHER. You only know what a man has told you who is eager to get into your pants. Some men will tell you anything and everything about their home life in order to get sex. If you believe half the trash this man has told you, you should have called 911 to have him committed to a mental institution for putting up with his homelife. Don't you get it...YOU HAVE BEEN HAD!!! Lastly, you talk about people making judgements. Who the hell are you to make a judgement like you did above, and I quote: "he dont need that kinda person running his life." When did God appoint you mistress-at-large to go around having affairs with guys you don't think are married to the right person. This man can handle himself just fine. If you should be really pissed at anybody, you should be mad at him because it appears he has either lied to you or he is a world class wimp who has no control of his life. It is not your place to judge who is married to the right or wrong person, ESPECIALLY when you have only heard the person's side who is seeking to take advantage of you and your sexual favors. If you do not think this man is capable of taking care of his own personal life, you should be terrified of a relationship with him and run, run, run.

 

I really think you have lost it and I am seriously urging you to seek help at this moment. Your anger and irrationality could drive you to cause harm you will regret all the days you remain alive. I don't know why I'm writing this because I don't think you are rational or have all your senses at this time. If you come around today, even for a minute, please call someone and get some help. This man, this woman...all who are involved...are not worth you going to jail for 25 years or, even worse, getting the death penalty for doing something really nuts.